Elwing's Flight

Finals are definitely less fun than being trampled by a pack of screaming lemurs.

2006-12-13T20:30:00.000-06:00

Current mood: irritated
Category: School, College, Greek

Bleh.

I love linguistics, and I had a great class this year and a great teacher, but WHY THE HECK DID THE STUPID FINAL HAVE TO BE 2 1/2 HOURS LONG?!?!?!? The freakin thing was like 10 pages long... 10 pages full of a million things to remember and analyze and write and essay about and argue for and against and work my brain to pieces.... It was definitely one of the hardest finals I've ever taken. What made it worse was that for some reason unbeknownst to me, I was the most anxious; the most tense I have ever been for any test. I was shaking the whole 2 1/2 hours. It was horrible... I felt like throwing up. I almost never get like that.

I think I did okay, though. Not extremely great, but I didn't flunk it, I don't think. I think I'll still get an A in the class.

I felt so bad after that final though... Stephen drove me home and helped me relax a bit. I collapsed on the couch, and I ended up taking a nap after he left. I've been so short on sleep lately because of my stomach problems, so I'm sure that's part of all this. But anyway, I couldn't go to Wildlife, which just about killed me because it's shepherding groups and I missed last week, too. :( But it felt so nice to just lay there and not move. After awhile I felt alive enough to eat something, and I'm feeling better now. So yay.

But I'm ready for finals to be OVER.

More catching up...

2006-12-11T23:09:00.000-06:00

This is a good way to procrastinate on finals. :)

~~~

Saturday, November 04, 2006

Update

Current mood: hopeful
Category: Life

First of all, thank you everyone for being so encouraging to me! A few things have happened since I last wrote, so I thought I'd fill you all in.... Let's see, I went to the doctor not too long after I wrote, and he thinks it's just that my stomach produces way too much acid. He gave me this medicine to take for a month, and it's been helping a lot... I don't get sick every time I eat anymore, and if I do, it's usually a long time afterwards instead of the moment after I finish or while I'm still eating like it was before. I've also got my appetite back, for the most part, and I can eat decent portions of food. So yay!!! But that isn't to say the problem is solved yet... I still feel sick almost once a day, and I haven't had much of an appetite for supper. I don't think we've quite gotten to the bottom of this yet, and I still need prayer. But it is a lot better, and I feel like I can actually behave more like a normal person again. :) Thank you all for your prayers and encouragement! I love all of you!

Rachel

Currently listening :
Black Holes and Revelations
By Muse

~~~

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Not as we expected.

Current mood: thankful
Category: Life

...life never is. As long as He's making us more like His Son, God isn't content with stagnant complacency. We must be changed, we must grow, and if that means our lives from our point of view are turned upside-down in the process, then hallelujah! He knows what's best for us, and we can trust in His love.

My life isn't exactly upside-down right now, but I thought it was about time that I posted another update. The last one ended up being written a bit too hastily. Turns out the medicine didn't help, and I was still stuck with the same problems as ever. But we've turned a corner, I think. And I know that had a lot to do with prayer! One week in particular, I was feeling especially bad and I asked many people to pray for me. I was starting to feel really scared... all the millions of horrid possibilities of what could be wrong with me started coming down on my head. I looked up a few of my worst fears on the internet, and it didn't help to see that I had some of the same symptoms as someone might have with stomach cancer, for instance. I couldn't stand it anymore... something needed to happen to get me out of this rut, and God would have to be the one to make it happen, I knew. So I prayed even harder... and I asked others to pray too. And it seemed like even if I wasn't asking I would hear that others were praying for me, anyway. It was really encouraging.

And God did make something happen. That same week my parents were able to get a hold of a new doctor and some other people who had really great suggestions. It's a long story, but a week or so ago we pretty much came to the conclusion that I'm celiac... in other words, I'm gluten intolerant, which means that my body can't handle anything with wheat and some other grains in it. At first that idea was really hard for me to deal with because being gluten intolerant requires a huge diet change. At first, I thought I wouldn't be able to eat out anywhere or have almost any of my favorite foods anymore, for the rest of my life. But my parents did some research and it looks like it might not be that bad after all. There's gluten-free food in many restaurants and also there's some good substitutes for flour and other stuff. Plus, there's a huge amount of people who are gluten intolerant, so there's more resources and help available.

So I feel a bit better about it now, though it's still hard. It's certainly better than stomach cancer, though! I'm really thankful for what God's been doing. This has all been a huge growing experience for me. I've learned that I really don't have very much faith, and I have a really hard time with hope, as well. But God's working on me in those areas and I feel confident that when I feel better (and I actually believe I'll feel better someday, now) I'll be so much better off for having gone through all this.

Thank you all so much for your encouragement and prayers! I would still appreciate your prayers, as this is a long, hard road, and I'm still struggling a lot. Pray that I would be healed, if it's God's will. I know He will help me.

I love you all!

Rache

Currently listening :
Comatose
By Skillet

~~~

Sigh... enough procrastination... finals = bleh.

That pretty much updates you all, though. Hopefully after school's over I can write something more. Hope you all are doing well and my prayers are with you all for your finals!

Rachel

It's been a long time!

2006-10-25T00:14:00.000-05:00

So... I was jolted back into the world of this blog when a few of you commented recently... I had almost completely forgotten about this! Awhile back I joined facebook and myspace and all that and when I do have time to do much computer stuff, I've usually been going there. But some of you aren't on either of those, so I guess that isn't really fair to you! I'm sorry!

My main problem, though, I think, is I've just been so insanely busy. Especially last week and this week—I'm in my sophomore year of college now, and it's midterms time. Oh joy! ;) So yeah, this semester has been really good but also really hard juggling everything... school, dance, work (I teach an Irish dance class in Noble now), shepherding the 6th grade girls at church, spending time with family, friends, boyfriend... it all adds up pretty fast. But really, I guess being busy is nothing new for me, lol. Anyway, I really need to get to sleep because I have dance (modern and hip-hop) tomorrow morning immediately followed by part 1 of my linguistics class midterm (part 2 is Friday), then Hebrew, then a composition due in French, then allergy shot time, then Wildlife (the jr. high youth group), then going with Stevo to a party with his bible study... some of that is good stuff, some of it isn't necessarily so good, but regardless, I need a lot of sleep!

I think what I'll do for now is just post everything I've posted on myspace over the past year. Not that it's much. But it will do for now I guess until I can get a better post in. I love you all!

Rache

Monday, April 03, 2006

Fun!
Current mood: loved

What Flower Are You?
You Are A Lily

You are a nurturer and all around natural therapist.

People see you as their rock. And they are able to depend on you.

You are a soothing influence. You can make people feel better with a few words.

Your caring has more of an impact than even you realize.

What Kind of Chocolate Are You?
You are Milk Chocolate

A total dreamer, you spend most of your time with your head in the clouds.

You often think of the future, and you are always working toward your ideal life.

Also nostelgic, you rarely forget a meaningful moment... even those from long ago.

What Gemstone Are You?
Your Gemstone is Aquamarine

Intuitive, tranquil, and trusting.

You inspire others to have faith in themselves.

What Color Nail Polish Best Fits You?
http://ynr.blogthings.com/whatcolornailpolishbestfitsyouquiz/

***Your Nail Polish Color is Red***

How you're unique: You have an incredible eye for style and art

Why your style rocks: You are classic and classy - and that's hot!

What this color says about you: "I'm smart, sassy, and sexy. And I know it."

Haha... no I don't... but that's alright! These things make me laugh.

What's Your Inner Eye Color?
Your Inner Eye Color Is Brown

You're smart, thoughtful, and the ideal woman for most men

You are kind and easy to trust. Men open up to you like no one else.

It's this inner warmness that attracts guys - and makes you an instant soulmate.

Because life is all about attracting guys. Hehe. Right. And anyway, I don't much care, I already have the most amazing guy in the world. :)

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Sunday, April 09, 2006

Lalala
Current mood: sick
Category: Quiz/Survey

^ Though there is a problem with that title, since I can't even talk right now, much less sing. But that's alright, I thought it just sounded fun anyway.

ONE ANSWER QUESTIONS
Fill out using only one word!... much harder then it sounds...

1. Yourself: uuuuuugggggghhhhhh

2. Your Love Life: BEAUTIFUL

3. Your Hair: wet

4. Your Mother: friend

5. Your Father: wise

6. Your Favorite Item/Items: U2-iPod

7. Your Dream Last Night: confusing

8. Your Favorite Drink: fr/cappuccino

9. Your Dream Home: family

10. The Room You Are In: books!!!

11. Your Pet: ducktape

12. Who You Are Now: Rachel

14. What You Want to be in Ten Years: wise

15. What You're Not: wise

16. Your Best Friend(s): AMAZING.

17. One of Your Wishlist Items: music

18. Your Gender: female

19. The Last Thing You Did: backspaced

20. What You Are Wearing: warm

21. Your Favorite Weather: dark

22. Your Favorite Book: LotR

23. The Last Thing You Ate: donut-hole

24. Your Life: good

And one more just for fun and because I'm lazy:

10 LAYERS

LAYER ONE: ON THE OUTSIDE
Name: Rachel
Birth date: April 25
Birth place: St. Louis
Current location: in a comfy chair
Eye Color: dark blue
Hair Color: brown
Righty or Lefty: righty
Zodiac Sign: Taurus

LAYER TWO: ON THE INSIDE
Your heritage: Scottish, German, French and English
Your weakness: Two of the bigger ones are perfectionistic inclinations and a tendency towards melancholy
Your fears: elevators!! And hurting other people, and losing my hope
Your perfect pizza: LOTS of sauce... preferably from Papa Johns, with something good like chicken or canadian bacon on it.
Goal you'd like to achieve: I want all my friends to know I love them... don't feel like I've been doing a great job of it recently, but I really do

LAYER THREE: YESTERDAY, TODAY, and TOMORROW:
Your most overused phrase: "Nice" or "Fun"
Your thoughts first waking up: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
Your best physical feature: I have no idea... people comment on my eyes so maybe that....
Your bedtime: when I get there
Your most missed memory: Mexico

LAYER FOUR: YOUR PICK:
Pepsi or Coke: Coca-Cola!!
McDonald's or Burger King: Burger King
Single or group dates: single
Adidas or Nike: Converse!
Lipton Tea or Nestea: COFFEE
Chocolate or vanilla: le chocolat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cappuccino or coffee: both!

LAYER FIVE: DO YOU/ARE YOU?
Smoke:no, but I sound like a smoker today, haha
Cuss: no
Single: Nope!
Take a shower: At least every day
Have a crush: Much more than that, lol
Think you've been in love: Definitely
Want to get married: Yes!!!
Believe in yourself: no
Get motion sickness: yes
Think you're a health freak: somewhat but not obsessively so... I like chocolate, hehe
Get along with your parents: Yes, for the most part
Like thunderstorms: I LOVE them!!

LAYER SIX: IN THE PAST MONTH
Drank alcohol: no
Gone on a date: I don't know if you can call it that or not
Gone to the mall: I don't think so...
Been on stage: A MILLION TIMES (St. Patrick's week, etc.)
Eaten Sushi: no
Been dumped: no
Gone skating: no
Gone skinny dipping: no!
Dyed your hair: and no.

LAYER SEVEN: HAVE YOU EVER
Played a game that required removal of clothing: sorry... no!!!
Gotten beaten up: no
Changed who you were to fit in: yes, in little ways

LAYER EIGHT: GETTING OLDER
Age you hope to be married: I'd better be married by the time I'm 30!!! But I'd like to be married a whole lot earlier
Number of Children: I dunno... more than one, less than 7 haha
Describe your dream wedding: Beautiful... romantic... outside... in June or sometime around then... dancing afterwards... something involving sunsets, maybe, I don't know
How do you want to die: with as little pain as possible
What country would you most like to visit: Scotland

LAYER NINE: IN A GAL/GUY
Best eye color?: whatever best paints a picture of their soul
Best hair color?: brown
Short or long hair: doesn't matter
Height: taller than me
Best first date location: it doesn't matter really... just matters who it's with.

LAYER TEN: IN THE NUMBERS
Number of people I can trust: I'm supposed to be able to count everyone I know and then analyze that?
Number of CD's I own: a lot...
Number of piercing: 2 (ears)
Number of times Ive been on T.V.: at least a couple of times
Number of times my name has appeared in the Newspaper?: more than I've been on tv
Number of scars on my body: a lot, lol
Number of things in my past that I regret: Another thing we're supposed to label with a number??? Craziness

Okay that was a weird quiz....

Currently listening :
Attention All Personnel
By Croft No. Five
Release date: By 01 January, 2002

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Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Not much into death metal or whatever it is, but this would be the exception...
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Music

I LOVE this song. This is one song in which the vocal cords are ripped out that I actually like to listen to (of course it helps that the chorus is without such violence). But anyway, I think this song is awesome musically and especially lyrically. The lyrics to this song are poetry... even though the grammar could be a whole lot better, the content is so awesome.

Undying
by Demon Hunter

Ever since the day that I was made Ive been deciding the end
And I was made of wood and stone that wont diminish or bend
So when the heavy hand of death is here to take me away
Ill be the solid grip of time, forever holding my stay
Nobody ever made a force that took a beating like me
I call the earth and every scum to come and try to fight me
Cus when I made the choice to live beyond the dirt that we tread
I felt the curse of mortal limit fall before it was said

Pre-chorus:
When this season ends

Chorus:
One final heart-break
And blinding lights will guide our way
Free us our blind state
They will call us by our name
Undying

Tearing through these days I find the tolerance to strive and push on
I know what lies beyond this life for me is already won
No one can take away the blood that covers over my fall
Without the blood of perfect life I know Im nothing at all
So now I reign forever hallowed in eternitys hand
No man can shake me from the everlasting ground that I stand

(Pre-chorus)

(Chorus)

We are the ones who will still remain when all is laid to waste
We are the ones who, when angels cry, will see them face to face
We are the ones

(Chorus)

Currently listening :
The Triptych
By Demon Hunter
Release date: By 25 October, 2005

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Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Leaving...
Current mood: excited
Category: Travel and Places

I'm heading off to one of my favorite places in the world tomorrow... MEXICO!!!!!! I can't wait. I've pretty much got everything packed already, yay. A bunch of youth group people and I will be joining Stevo, Sara and Jennifer at the mission "compound." We'll be working our butts off for a week, yay!! It will be AWESOME!!!! Of course, we do get to go to the Hotel Zone in Cancun on our R&R Day, so we won't be working our butts off then, but it will still be pretty darn awesome even so. :)

I would definitely appreciate your prayers if you're so inclined!!

Goodbye to all the lovely amazing friends I'm leaving behind... have a good week!! And to all my incredible fellow dancer people... I had such a wonderful time with you all this year; you are all so awesome and I'm going to miss you all tons this summer! Have a great summer. And to everyone... goodbye and I'll see you when I see you!

Currently listening :
The Beautiful Letdown
By Switchfoot
Release date: By 25 February, 2003

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Thursday, June 15, 2006

"But Not Forgotten"
Current mood: nostalgic
Category: Writing and Poetry

I love this poem. It's by one of my favorite poets, Luci Shaw.

There's a lot of things I miss and long for right now, but God is absolutely good.

"But Not Forgotten"

Whether or not I find the missing thing
it will always be
more than my thought of it.
Silver-heavy, somewhere it winks
in its own small privacy
playing
the waiting game with me.

And the real treasures do not vanish.
The precious loses no value
in the spending.
A piece of hope spins out
bright, along the dark, and is not
lost in space;
verity is a burning boomerang;
love is out orbiting and will
come home.

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Friday, June 23, 2006

On Missing Heavenly and Earthly Loves
Current mood: tired

On Missing Heavenly and Earthly Loves.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

and so we wait
the clock ticks
we wonder when
and it's hard to remember why
sometimes

and so we wait
on the hope of a day
on the hint of a glimpse
of enfolding arms

how long, oh Lord?
we sigh
it's too far for our earth-worn eyes
to see
the distance closing
between our souls
between our needful skin
between our hearts' desiring.

and so we wait
firm in the grip
of time's Orchestrator

and so we trust
in a miracle of death
and the return of life
and the return of love
we gave away.

and there is beauty
in the waiting.
there is loveliness
in hope.
when the angels dance
and the stars sing
for joy in the reunity
it will have been
well worth
the agony.

and so we wait

Currently listening :
Untitled
By The Benjamin Gate
Release date: By 22 May, 2001

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Thursday, July 06, 2006

MY techno rave dance parties are in FRENCH!
Current mood: silly
Category: Parties and Nightlife

:P Just thought I'd state that fact.

Anyway, I miss those techno rave dance parties the guys had in Mexico, so I thought I'd let you all have one on my myspace page. Yay. :D Have fun dancing. Just watch out for Eric's speedo.

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Saturday, August 05, 2006

Tagged
Current mood: cheerful
Category: Games

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you have to write a blog with 8 weird things/facts/habits about yourself. In the end, you have to pick 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Finally, you must leave a comment for them and tell them to read yours.

Tag!

1) I can do the forward splits. (I'm very proud... it took me FOREVER to get there!)

2) I can also beat up you and your mom with my super Irish hard shoe moves. Lol... seriously... the "taps" on hardshoes aren't taps at all... they're made from super-hard fiberglass. I know they're super-hard because when you try to do a click and hit your ankle instead, it HURTS LIKE HECK.

3) I like some forms of techno music... not so much the really poppy sounding stuff, but there's some other kinds that are just plain beautiful I think....

4) I like to wear makeup not because I think I'm ugly without it, but because I treat it like art... it's fun to do and I can be creative with it.

5) The Molten from Chili's is HEAVEN.

6) My ancestors in Scotland and my clan were outlawed because they outwitted another clan that was the King's favorite... if anyone kept the name of MacGregor, it was considered lawful for them to be hunted and killed for sport. However, they also happened to be really tough warriors... so most of them survived, although they were scattered and many ended up changing their names. Which is we are Magruders instead of MacGregors. And partly why my dad's family lives in America instead of Scotland.

7) I love to sing. My voice is really weird I think... not very suitable for classical or popular music I don't think, but it lends itself very well to Celtic music I've been told. Which is good because that's my favorite style to sing.

8) I like to listen to bagpipe music loud in my car with the windows rolled down. I sometimes try to dance to it, too. The Rogues ROCK. :D

Heh... I really don't feel like "tagging" anyone else now... but if anyone wants to do this feel free to!

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Sunday, September 10, 2006

"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus...."
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Writing and Poetry

Sometimes sin
seems like breathing
toxicity
this guilt overwhelms me.
I failed
again
and where were You?
Never-ending wrestling with flesh
and with You
as long as I breath, I will be poisoned.
God save me!
Will this cycle never end?
"No condemnation"
as weak as I am--His blood is there also
I am clean, I know,
yet I haven't stopped breathing.

Perhaps
a lesson
is more vital
than being comfortable.
Perhaps
perseverance
in His endless grace
is more perfect
than complacent sinlessness.
Perhaps
this war against gravity
this pull towards depravity
shows me my close proximity
to the ground,
but unveils as well the force that propels
me to the stars
and the hope of fresh air beyond.

Currently listening :
Good Monsters
By Jars of Clay
Release date: By 05 September, 2006

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Friday, October 20, 2006

I really need prayer. And maybe a few hugs, too.
Current mood: blah
Category: Life

Okay everyone, I don't know when anyone is going to read this but I really feel like I need prayer. I guess I need to explain a bit.

So I've always had a lot of health problems... it started with allergies when I was 12 or 13 and ever since it's been getting worse and worse. I started having weird stomach problems. First I was diagnosed with lactose intolerance, and that helped a little, but eventually I went to see a doctor who specializes in such things and after being put through a few tests, he said that my gall bladder (it helps digest stuff) didn't work and I needed to have it removed. So... I had that surgery when I was 17... one of my least favorite memories ever. It includes the most painful experiences I've ever had to go through. But it helped a whole lot and after I recovered, everything seemed fixed... for awhile.

This year it's gotten as bad or worse than it was before. Just the whole year, it's gotten steadily worse and worse. Now, I can't eat ANYTHING without feeling sick afterwards. It's a different kind of sick feeling than I used to get before I had surgery, I think, so it must be something else. When I went to the doctor last (not the one who solved the problem the first time; he's not on our insurance anymore), he said that all the stomach problems were probably triggered by allergies and other things such as tiredness and stress levels, which I think is true to some extent, because if I'm feeling bad in any other way my stomach will usually end up feeling bad too. But I'm just SICK of this. I'm almost never hungry anymore; I always feel not hungry or sick. These past few days have been the worst. Last night I was up really late. I almost had a panic attack because I felt so bad (I've had more panic attacks because of my stomach than I can count). When I finally got to bed I couldn't sleep very well; I had to prop myself up in bed so my stomach wouldn't feel too bad, and every time I went to sleep I'd slide down, which would make me wake up because my stomach would start feeling bad again. It was like that all night. And today, I tried to eat breakfast and could barely get a few bites of oatmeal down before I started feeling bad again. Then at lunch I could barely eat half a sandwich. I don't know what to do. I don't want to starve myself, but every time I eat I end up feeling horrible. I do it anyway, but I really can't get down all that much. I'm really scared... I wonder if something's really really wrong with me. I need to see that one doctor again but I can't because he's not on our insurance anymore.

It's so hard to trust God with this. I constantly need to be reminded of His plan... He is my Father and I know He loves me and cares for me, but I have a feeling that He might not take care of me in the way I want Him to. What if I never get better until Heaven? At least I can hope in the promises of Heaven, but here on Earth, maybe I'll just have to suffer. I know He's taught me so much through this already, and I'm thankful for that. It's really shaped my character a lot. So in a way, I thank God for my problems. But at the same time, I'm just so sick and tired of it all. I don't know how to handle it anymore.

And I feel bad, too, because I know so many people have much worse problems than me. I should count my blessings I know. But I can't compare when I feel like I'm on the verge of throwing up. No one is normal but I so want to be "normal" in this area.

I also feel like some of this is a spiritual attack. I get these panic attacks, for one. And also, I seem to be constantly wavering between desperately hoping for a better day and trying to make myself numb to it all. Again, I have trouble focusing on God in this. I guess I just need prayer.

Thank you all for listening to my rather pathetic rantings. Again, I'd really appreciate your prayers. I love you all!

Rachel

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Time for another update!

2006-04-25T12:44:00.000-05:00

Wow... a lot can happen in a month! And it's been more than that, so I suppose it's time for me to write something again. It might be a bunch of random somethings, though.

Lol, the only reason I have time to do this is that my English class had its little evaluation thing today so it only lasted 10 minutes. Now I'm just hanging out in the library until French. :)

ONLY TWO AND A HALF MORE WEEKS LEFT UNTIL SCHOOL'S OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow. This semester has gone a lot faster than the last one! I can't believe my first year in college is almost over. I'm ready for it to be over right now... I'm so insanely busy right now. Today's my birthday but I've been forgetting it all the time this past week... just too much else to think about. Besides, I'm not exactly pumped about being a year shy of 20... I'm not exactly upset either. It's weird.

So yeah... between running the last leg of school, dancing 10 hours a week plus performances, going on tour with my choir and getting ready for our concert this Thursday, being a youth group support staffer, being involved in 3 Bible studies, going to a prom, teaching hammered dulcimer lessons and starting a job with Arbonne, spending some time with friends and attempting to find time to clean my room and do laundry once in awhile haha... I'm a little busy right now! It's all awesome stuff I'm doing though and I wouldn't stop any of it... well except maybe some of the school, lol. I do feel like I'm where God wants me to be right now, though, and I'm incredibly happy with where He's put me. I love all the stuff I've been doing! It has been a little stressful at times, though, when it all comes crashing down on my head at the same time.

I am excited though, because after school's out, I'll have a lot more time on my hands. It's been sooooo disappointing this year... I feel like I've really been horrible at dance this year because I just haven't had time to practice at all. Last year I practiced almost every day. I remembered most if not all of the steps, I was prepared for each class, I actually sometimes felt like I was doing somewhat good... and this year it's just been crazy. I've really enjoyed it, of course, but I just feel like I've been doing a really bad job. So yeah... I'm looking forward to having time to get some practicing in. And maybe to choreograph a dance or two, hehe.

Last weekend, though insane, was AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!! First of all my choir tour was on Thursday. We sang at a few schools did a nice hour long show at the capitol, plus went out for lunch at Spaghetti Warehouse and visited the Bombing Memorial. I really enjoyed spending time with my choir friends and getting to know some of them more. It was an awesome but looooong day. The next morning was the parade, and our troupe danced in it!! It was so much fun!! Perfect weather, though a bit hot for us. Problem was, we hadn't had practice in awhile, so although we had been in hardshoes a lot it hadn't been as much as normal. All this is to say that most of us got HUGE blisters... I had one on the ball of my foot at least an inch wide. Hehe... it was lovely. But painful. Now it's turned into a callous though, so yay. More protection for my poor feet... now I'm really having to remember that verse, "How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!"

Immediately after that, I went home to take a shower, eat, somewhat rest while doing that, get my stuff together and head over to Kaitlin's house to get ready for the prom! Stephen and I were going to his prom that night!!! And the homeschool prom happened to be on the same night, so Kaitlin, Sara, Lora, Kara, Hannah and I all got ready together. We went to go get our hair done, too... much fun!! Though a little stressful because I was already really tired and I had been running late to everything all day. So that was kind of hard. But as soon as I walked down the stairs and saw Stephen looking absolutely amazing in his tux, I felt a whole lot better hehe. Actually it was God, but still Stephen did look absolutely amazing in his tux. ;)

Prom was AWESOME. AWESOME. AWESOME. AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wow. I really don't know what else to say except that GOD IS SOOOOOOOOOOOO COOL. And Stephen rocks my world. :)

Pics should be up on our website or maybe here as soon as we can get them, though it might be a bit.

I did have a little trouble staying awake the next day though... I didn't go to sleep until 7 am because of the afterparty! It was sooo fun though. I woke up in time to go to the Mexico fundraiser dinner at our church for lunch, and then head over to our last real troupe practice of the year... sigh! I can't believe it's already that time of year again! The recital is coming up... I can't wait!

And after the recital... MEXICO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM SO FREAKIN EXCITED ABOUT MEXICO THIS YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!! I've been missing it all year... now I am SOOO ready to go back. I miss it so insanely much. Hmm... sometimes I wonder why I don't feel like I do in Mexico all the time... I mean, the best thing about Mexico is seeing so clearly God working, and often seeing him use me. Also just getting a sense of God's love and holiness and power and beauty. But all that is true all the time... I wonder how to break out of the ordinary while still being in my ordinary world? I guess that's a goal of mine. I've seen it in a lot of ways, like through dance or through Stephen or through Wildlife or a lot of other things actually, but I am so not there yet. But that's okay... none of us are I guess.

See you all later!

Rachel

Prayer requests...

2006-03-17T09:56:00.000-06:00

Hey everyone, could you please be praying for my shins? We have two 30-minute dance performances today and I'm limping right now... probably due to a crazy floor we danced on last night, hehe. Hannah's shins probably aren't doing too well either. We would appreciate your prayers! And also pray that it doesn't start raining tomorrow until AFTER the St. Patrick's Day parade (sometime midafternoon)!

Also, in case you didn't know, Stephen broke his ankle... not the part that most people break, but another, harder to heal part. They are going in today to get the cast probably and they'll find out how long he has to wear it... pray that it's not very long and especially that it doesn't cut into his trip to Mexico, beginning in late May. And also pray for him... because being Stephen involves doing a lot of active stuff like climbing trees, rock climbing, riding his bike, taking a million risks and all that (which is not why the ankle got broken... it was that STUPID TREE's fault!! it grew too high!) and I can imagine he's probably going to get a little frustrated with not being able to.

Thanks everyone!

Oh... one more note... if you read the Norman Transcript, feel free to laugh at the article about us... I completely burst out laughing. A WHOLE lot of it is made up. The first half at least is completely twisted... makes us sound like crusading evangelists, lol. The line about us being professional dancers stepping out of the limelight and into the common good is the best, though! Haha... I'm still reeling from that one.... Yeah, just in case you didn't know, I was a famous, professional Irish dancer for many years before joining the troupe. :D

Hey, at least it's publicity... and the second half wasn't so bad... it was pretty darn funny, though. And in the picture I look like I'm grimacing from pain (though come to think of it, at that moment I probably was...). :D

Fun Quizzy-like Thing

2006-02-18T22:52:00.000-06:00

My life in a nutshell at...

15 years ago: I was 3, almost 4. I lived here here in Norman in one of those ugly beige box apartments across the street from the duck pond. I was getting used to having a little sister and we were best friends by then, of course. I couldn't say my Ls; they'd come out as Ys. I loved being tickled. I loved being outdoors... riding my tricycle, going to the duckpond, going to the parks to fly kites or play on playgrounds. My favorite thing in the world was swinging (hehe, still is one of my favorite things). I didn't like chocolate then... my theory now is that I had one too many pieces of chocolate with peanuts in it, so that tainted my view of chocolate in general. I've always had the most wild imagination and I used to pretend to be everyone BUT Rachel... but it was more than pretending for me, it was REAL. I was Handel (the composer), Christi Yamaguchi (sp?), Beauty from Beauty and the Beast, Prince Eric from the Little Mermaid (don't ask me why...), my mom, my mom's friend Lori who played the trumpet, and anyone/anything else that caught my eye. I was ESPECIALLY Clara, from the Nutcracker. I put on my little dancing leotard and tutu and danced for anyone and everyone who would watch. I knew the entire Nutcracker ballet by heart, pretty much.

Ten years ago: I was 8 years old, almost 9. I lived in our first house in Shawnee. I had just seen the Star Wars movies for the first time and was rapidly on my way to being obsessed. I was crazy about Amy Grant but was just discovering two bands I would soon like much, much better: dc Talk and Jars of Clay. I missed my jazz dance classes terribly from the year before and I loved to rock it out in my room (when Hannah or Mom weren't in there with me). I was so painfully shy that mom had to drag me kicking and screaming to my first choir lesson, and even afterwards, though I admitted I loved choir, I was too shy to talk to anyone there. I had a pet hamster named Harriet and I loved her to death. Hannah and I would spend the day playing all sorts of pretend (what had changed?). A typical day could include a singing concert, a meeting with Hannah in our "secret clubhouse" (behind Dad's chair in the study) for one of our many "secret clubs," a lunch over which Hannah and I would pretend to be from different countries, going outside to climb trees, a treasure hunt, a mission to go exploring in the park behind our backyard, swinging on the tree swing out front, playing with baby dolls, reading dinosaur books (and fantasy books, and picture books, and well, books in general), attempting to teach myself Greek or Hebrew, and putting on an evening performance of Cinderella for our parents, in which I played Cinderella and Hannah played... well, everyone else.

Five Years ago: I was 13, almost 14, in 8th grade. I had recently moved back to Norman from Missouri. I had just gone to Student Conference with the youth group and I had had an absolutely wonderful time. I loved Wildwood and the youth group and really felt for the first time in a long time that I belonged somewhere. The month before, I had finished making an awesome half-hour movie parody of News 9, called News 1552, with Hannah and our friend Michelle. I was still pretty crazy about Star Wars, but my Dad was reading aloud to us every night the Lord of the Rings (we were on Return of the King), and I was starting to have a new passion as well. I was hearing rumors of some Lord of the Rings movies to come someday in the future. I wanted to be a Jedi Knight. Dad telling me I was like Arwen (in the books; again this was before the movies) was to me one of the most wonderful compliments. With friends and outside of home I was having a wonderful time, but at home I wasn't doing so well. My family is really close and was doing awesome, but my allergies were horrible, and overall my health wasn't doing too good. I was depressed and suffered from panic attacks almost every night. If I remember right, for long periods of time I wouldn't be able to sleep without someone with me, but I've tried to block most of the memories from my mind. I got really a lot closer to God through all of this, and I was growing a lot spiritually.

Last year: I was getting close to being 18, and I was feeling the effects of nearing the end of my senior year. I was so busy with dance, choir, school, scholarships, college applications, senior class, church, etc. but I was loving it all (okay, except the college prep stuff). God had given me a lot of close friends, which was awesome. I was crazy about dance and praising God through it (still pretty much am). I was far enough away from graduation that I wasn't too scared about college, yet, but just close enough that I was starting to dread change. I was afraid of growing up and losing who I am. I often wondered whether I was doing something for the last time. I don't think I knew for sure whether I was going to OU or somewhere else. I was scared to death of losing my friends and leaving my family and my church and my dance studio, if I were called to go somewhere else. That semester was the beginning of a long roller coaster ride for me, that lasted throughout last semester and maybe is possibly still going on, of crazy times of insane happiness and deep depression. God was teaching me the meaning of joy, I think.

Last month: January... I was really happy!! I actually don't think I ever got depressed that month which is a record for the past year, hehe. It had been almost a month since Stephen and I got together and I was thanking and praising God for it every day (still am). I was excited to see God's plan and He was bringing me so much closer to Him. I was just starting my second semester of college, and finding that it was a lot easier than the first!! Oh, and I decided to become a support staff for the jr. high youth group, which was really an awesome fulfilling of a dream for me. I also started going to an AWESOME college group Bible study!!

Yesterday: Yesterday I slept in, and then went to school early and did homework. I didn't have choir so I had an extra hour to relax and do more homework at the union until I walked over to my French class. It was FREEZING COLD!!!! I remembered right when I needed to leave that I had too complimentary tickets for my choir performance to pick up (that was supposed to be tonight, but it was cancelled because of the crazy icy weather). So I ran all the way over to Catlett to pick them up and then walked really fast all the way across campus to my car and got frostbite and a headache from the wind that must have been 10 degrees below zero, lol. I got home a few minutes late for my dulcimer student's lesson, but she got there really late so it was alright after all. Had a good lesson and then practiced my choir songs for awhile. Went to the dress rehearsal for the choir concert, and it went really well. When it was over, I looked outside and was REALLY glad that I hadn't driven there and Dad had dropped me off! The icyness had begun. (So no concert tonight, but that's alright because I got to watch Riverdance with my family and play a board game. Yay!)

Next week: School. Dance. Church. Life. On Thursday my family's going to New Mexico for a few days, and Sara and/or Lora had better be staying with me, lol. On Friday I might sing the national anthem with my choir at an OU hockey game. On Saturday I have the choir spring retreat that lasts all morning and afternoon, and then... POLKA DANCING in the evening with the youth group!! YAY!!! But all in all, next week should be another week with ups and downs but lots of glimpses of God's amazing grace and beauty.

A Hymn

2006-02-09T20:25:00.000-06:00

Rusted emotions, prideful gaze
The Sun beams thin through crushing haze
Come my Love and haunt me
Pursue this wanderer, capture me
Come Lord Jesus, Light of the world.

Chorus:
Oh Lord, Thy beauty overwhelms me
Thy death, the price for this embrace
Thy blood fails not; the one who fails Thee
May glory in Thee by Thy infinite grace.
I will glory in Thee by Thy infinite grace.

Break this heart, half apathetic
Half craving what Thou hast given me
Lift off the falling weight of fear
Oh Lord, by Thy resounding grace
Let me move.

Chorus

My burning desires gaze unsteadily
On my Savior’s agony
The Holy One in sin is dying
Makes pure my infidelity
For victory He is crucified.

Chorus

Raise o’er the dark Thy banner of love
Scatter the foe and strengthen the meek
Fell the scales from our eyes
Resurrection sets our hope to soar
Death’s sting is crucified.

Chorus

Striving will storm inside me still
Longs to dance with the undiluted stars
Make perfect my heart of imperfection;
My wisdom Thy power, my beauty Thy splendor
Thy grace is my breath.

Chorus

in a botticelli print

2006-02-01T23:16:00.000-06:00

i am a dot on
paper
a single simple
smallness
of one color
joining hands
with a million others
on the north edge of an
angel's eyelash
to show you a part of truth
with no words

- Luci Shaw

An tiodhlac alainn

2006-01-21T15:36:00.000-06:00

Okay. So... last time I posted I mentioned a "one thing in particular." Well, that one thing is pretty common knowledge now, and it's kind of late for it to be a surprise to most people, but I'll tell you all about it anyway, hehe, just in case you're not informed. This is really a major thing in my life right now and I just want to share how amazing God is with everybody. And also it might be good to share this so that no one misunderstands what's happened. Hmm... I'm trying to decide how to write it. It isn't really something that just "happened" out of the blue one day. It's been a slow but very good process... following God. Our whole lives are that sort of journey, really. Maybe the best way to tell you all would be to start at the beginning....

God is absolutely insanely incredibly FREAKIN AWESOMELY GOOD. And faithful. And powerful. And just all around... AMAZING. What He has been doing throughout the last couple of years in my life and the life of one of my best friends just astonishes me. How He has been working so intricately in our lives, guiding us in every step, through every trial and hardship, and also through the times of joy... through every new turn in our friendship, He has been there. Through every one of our failures and mistakes, He has been there to make good of it. When I look back, I see His hand at work in every little thing, bringing us both closer to each other... and through that closer to Him.

God must really have an awesome sense of humor. 3 years ago I would never have dreamed that what's happening now could be happening. I first met Stephen when I was 15, at my first CIY conference, an awesome Christian youth conference that the highschool youth group at our church goes to every year. Sara and I didn't know hardly anyone else at the time, but we decided to befriend/hang out with a few of the guys who looked a little alone, Stephen being one of them. That was one of the most awesome weeks of my life... I can hardly explain it, but that week I felt closer to God than I ever had before. I grew so much in Him, and at the same time I grew so much closer to my brothers and sisters in Christ. The two were so intertwined that you wouldn't be able to tell where one ended and the other began. It was all worshiping and glorifying Him.... God did incredible things that week, and that week, to me, was a taste of Heaven.

Well, heh, both of us were pretty darn immature then. I have to admit that at the end of the week, when Stephen confessed to me that he liked me as more than a friend, I didn't take it so well. Some of my reasons were good and some were not. First of all I had only known him for a week. 2nd, I didn't feel the same way. 3rd, that was when I was a staunch advocate of courting only... now I realize how legalistic my attitude was. I've changed so much since then... but I do think that God took my legalism and used it for good. Throughout my jr. high and highschool years I never had a boyfriend or anything, and I thank God that He protected me from all that until the proper time that He alone knew.

But anyway, I felt a little let down, too... I had just spent the most awesome week of my life with these incredible new friends... why did this have to be so complicated? Well, God had good reason for that, but I couldn't have imagined it at the time. Anyway, I'll spare you the details, but pretty much for at least a year we sort of masqueraded as "friends," though I was really avoiding him. I feel so awful about it now, but God knows His plans and maybe that was best for then.

About a year and a half later, however, Sara, awesome person that she is, started bringing a bunch of the guys we knew into our circle of sorts.... I don't know quite how it happened, but slowly but surely, we all started hanging out together and slowly but surely, Stephen and I started being friends again. That friendship kept growing until he became one of my closest friends. Last semester in particular God just used him so much in my life. If it weren't for him I don't know where I'd be now... I might not even be here. I don't know. But the thing is, God really uses Stephen in my life, but that's not the reason why I was his friend. I was his friend not because of what he did for me (though he certainly did a lot). I was his friend because I saw in him an incredible person more than worth knowing. As I got to know him more and more, I saw his strengths and weaknesses... I saw his mistakes and his flaws, but at the same time I saw Jesus reflected in him in a way I had never really seen in anyone before.

And now God has led us to a new stage in our friendship. I'm not quite sure when it happened, but the more I got to know him, the more God was changing my heart and making me fall for him... and the other way around, too, though I didn't know it, or maybe just refused to believe that it could be possible that he could be going through the same thing. Last December things got particularly difficult, though. Rumors about us were abounding, and well, there were a lot of problems, mainly stemming from the fact that we were both at our wit's end and just didn't know what to do... we were so close to each other yet so blind to one thing. The only thing either of us could do was to just seek God and trust in His perfect will. For hours, actually days, up until we met to discuss everything, we were both praying so hard—Stephen, for the right motives and for God to give him direction, and me... I don't know why I was praying, actually. I just felt like I needed to, so I did. And I was right... actually, God was right, hehe. God is amazing. He worked everything out for good.

Now this is the hard part, lol. How do I describe what our relationship is? It's not dating, it's not courting. I don't know if there is an English word for it, heh. You could definitely call us a "couple" now... definitely more than friends.... But I do know that this relationship, whatever it is, is one thing: led by God. That is our goal, our purpose throughout all of this. We are always doing our best to seek after His will for this. The amazing thing is, I never could really imagined how much God would do through this. Our relationship is such a beautiful gift from God. It doesn't distract us from Him at all... it's the opposite: It's been bringing us both so much closer to Him. I know without a doubt that we are glorifying Him, and so many times I've felt like I've never been more certain that I was right where God wants me to be. Sometimes I wonder how this could be happening... I feel so undeserving and unworthy. But I look at Stephen and just praise God with all I am... I thank Him for all He's done for me. For His goodness and faithfulness and for His perfect plan. Through Stephen I've been able to see God in an amazing way. I see reflected right before my eyes the ultimate story, the love of Christ for His church.

So that's what's really been going on with me recently, hehe. I think I should clarify a few things though, before I go. Stephen and I both know we're not at a point in our lives where we can get married or anything yet. But we both know that we are where God wants us. If God should one day move us apart, it will still have been more than worth it because it glorified Him. But anyway, we are taking things really slowly (or at least slowly for us... remember that not all people are the same). We want to serve each other and God, and we want to be very cautious, but at the same time, we don't want to pull back out of fear. So basically what it comes down to is following God. We are painfully aware that we are human and make a lot of mistakes, apart from God we're nothing, but we are trusting in God to be the strength in our weakness... we are trusting Him to lead us and guide our steps on this journey of life.

God is truly amazing. I really have no words to describe His goodness. I want you all to know that He is working everything together for your good... no matter what troubles or twists in life you might be going through, He will take them and weave them into something more beautiful than you could ever imagine. Our God truly is faithful, and I pray that if there's one thing you remember after reading this that that would be it. This is really a testimony to His faithfulness. Our God is an awesome God.

Dare You to Move, by Switchfoot

Welcome to the planet
Welcome to existence
Everyone's here
Everyone's here
Everybody's watching you now
Everybody waits for you now
What happens next?
What happens next?

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened before

Welcome to the fallout
Welcome to resistance
The tension is here
The tension is here
Between who you are and who you could be
Between how it is and how it should be

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened

Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?
Where you gonna go?
Salvation is here

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself
Lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened
Today never happened
Today never happened before

In Christ Alone,
Rachel

A New Year

2006-01-08T16:13:00.000-06:00

So... unlike Caleb's New Year post, I'm actually going to write about what's been going on in this new year! ;D

The life of Rachel has been really really good recently. I've enjoyed every minute of this break—well, maybe not every minute, but most minutes at least, hehe. God has been doing some incredible things in these past few months, and I really can't express my thankfulness to Him and my awe at His intricate work in my life and the lives of my friends, especially with one thing in particular (if you don't already know about that, you can ask me or Stephen sometime if you like... actually I'm trying to decide if I should write about it or not, so you may or may not hear about it on here later). I am so amazed, when I look back over my life so far, at how God's worked everything for a purpose and He even uses those times when I feel like everything's going wrong to bring me to a place far better than I could have imagined. And the one thing in particular I mentioned is only one part of that... that thing has actually opened my eyes to see how God's works the same way in my whole life. So yeah, this last month or so has been really really good. I can only fall on my knees and praise God for it all, really. He is good beyond hope, beyond anything we can imagine or comprehend.

Okay, onwards to shallower waters, lol. New Years was awesome. Our troupe had one of our biggest dance performances of the year. It was an incredible experience and God's hand was more evident in that performance, at least for me, than any I've ever been in before. To make a long story not so short, I for one tripped, slipped, went blank, and all around messed up more than any other performance I've been in with the troupe so far. I was also feeling really sick and my energy level was, on a scale of 1-10, getting down pretty close to 0, lol. So many other things went wrong too, like the stage was bad and we couldn't hear our hardshoes and stuff like that. I was praying the whole time, and I trusted God would be faithful... but it's interesting how in all our past performances I've noticed that no matter what goes wrong before hand, God always makes it pretty much come together for the performance. Well, this time it did NOT come together at least for me, but God was still faithful... turns out, everyone I talked to afterwards said that they hardly noticed ANYTHING wrong!! Wow... I could not believe it. Well, actually, I could, but I knew it was entirely God and not one bit us. Wow.

Anyway, Stephen, Jackie and Caleb all came to watch our performance and spend the rest of the evening with Hannah and me at the downtown New Years' celebration! Thank you all so much for coming, I had so much fun with you all that night and I'm glad each of you were there! It meant a lot to me, and I hope you had as much fun as I did! After our performance, Hannah and I made Stevo, Jackie and Caleb hang around while we sat around waiting for our energy level to rise and also while we changed into normal clothes... though come to think of it, our troupe costumes are pretty "normal" for us, too, lol.

Anyway, after putting all our stuff back in our car, all us troupe people went our own separate ways (I hope everyone else ended up having as much fun as we did!). Stevo, Jackie, Caleb, Hannah and I walked over to the Myriad Gardens and spent about an hour just taking in the amazingness of a big, beautiful garden with a mini-lake and a fountain and lots of trees and hills perfect for running down in the middle of a city, completely covered in Christmas lights (that is to say, we weren't, but the gardens were). We were all feeling a little artistic-y so we took lots of pictures.

Pretty soon we realized we'd better get moving if we wanted to have a decent view of the ball rising... yes my friends, here the ball doesn't drop, it rises. By crane. That was pretty funny, but at least it's a ball! We all threaded our way through the crowd and up as many steps as we could on this hill-like thingimajig and eventually made it to the top of a wall thingimajig. It was crowded (like everywhere else there... there were thousands of people crowded into this place between the skyscrapers), but we were really close to the ball and pretty much facing the front of the stage so we got a really good spot, I think. On the stage a band was playing all these awesome old songs. Stephen could probably tell you what they all were, though I did recognize some of them, lol. I need to work on enlarging my mind's old music database. But anyway, once we got to our spot, we all had fun dancing and screaming and watching people wave streamers and stuff like that. Finally the ball rose and we danced and screamed a lot more, this time under a rain of confetti, and at midnight the fireworks show began. That was one freakin awesome fireworks show. I don't know if I've ever seen any others as good! We all just about got hoarse from screaming and cheering so much. It was way too much fun.

After it was all over, we sat on top of the wall and people-watched while we waited for the crowds to clear out. When we deemed it sufficiently clear, we walked over to Sonic and got some mozzarella sticks and caffeinated drinks (except Caleb, who's a celiac... I'm sorry, Caleb). I was glad to have the two guys with us—the celebration was technically supposed to be alchohol-free, but heh, how much can that rule be enforced? There were still of course more than a few crazy people there. Thanks for being our "bodyguards," guys, lol. You rule.

After Sonic, it was around 2 or so in the morning, so we decided it was time to call it a night. I managed to drive the car back without any drunk people ramming into me (though that's probably God managing that instead of me). All in all, it was an awesome night and I don't think I've ever had a better New Years celebration. Thank you Stephen, Jackie, Caleb, Hannah, and the rest of the troupe girls for making it so awesome!! You are all pretty darn awesome yourselves.

Here's some of our pictures from the night:

During our performance:
http://homepage.mac.com/kvmagruder/.Pictures/Photo%20Album%20Pictures/2006-01-03%2011.09.45%20-0800/Image-50C6D6347C8A11DA.jpg

Fuzzy picture of Caleb:
http://homepage.mac.com/kvmagruder/.Pictures/Photo%20Album%20Pictures/2006-01-03%2011.09.45%20-0800/Image-50C7A0E57C8A11DA.jpg

Jackie in the headlights:
http://homepage.mac.com/kvmagruder/.Pictures/Photo%20Album%20Pictures/2006-01-03%2011.09.45%20-0800/Image-50C7C1C27C8A11DA.jpg

Stephen's foot:
http://homepage.mac.com/kvmagruder/.Pictures/Photo%20Album%20Pictures/2006-01-03%2011.09.45%20-0800/Image-50C805B07C8A11DA.jpg

Stephen's face (okay, well not just that, but it sounded good after the last one):
http://homepage.mac.com/kvmagruder/.Pictures/Photo%20Album%20Pictures/2006-01-03%2011.09.45%20-0800/Image-50C829147C8A11DA.jpg

Hannah showing her feelings after the performance:
http://homepage.mac.com/kvmagruder/.Pictures/Photo%20Album%20Pictures/2006-01-03%2011.09.45%20-0800/Image-50C8A78E7C8A11DA.jpg

Waiting for our energy to come back (Hannah looks a little strange, don't you agree?):
http://homepage.mac.com/kvmagruder/.Pictures/Photo%20Album%20Pictures/2006-01-03%2011.09.45%20-0800/Image-50C9AC447C8A11DA.jpg

We all thought this picture of downtown and the gardens looked like it should be a postcard:
http://homepage.mac.com/kvmagruder/.Pictures/Photo%20Album%20Pictures/2006-01-04%2017.53.52%20-0800/Image-91CCDBB67D8D11DA.jpg

These pictures are just cool:
http://homepage.mac.com/kvmagruder/.Pictures/Photo%20Album%20Pictures/2006-01-04%2017.53.52%20-0800/Image-91CB84287D8D11DA.jpg

http://homepage.mac.com/kvmagruder/.Pictures/Photo%20Album%20Pictures/2006-01-04%2017.53.52%20-0800/Image-91CB63BC7D8D11DA.jpg

http://homepage.mac.com/kvmagruder/.Pictures/Photo%20Album%20Pictures/2006-01-04%2017.53.52%20-0800/Image-91CC98CC7D8D11DA.jpg

http://homepage.mac.com/kvmagruder/.Pictures/Photo%20Album%20Pictures/2006-01-04%2017.53.52%20-0800/Image-91CCBABD7D8D11DA.jpg

http://homepage.mac.com/kvmagruder/.Pictures/Photo%20Album%20Pictures/2006-01-04%2017.53.52%20-0800/Image-91CCFC9B7D8D11DA.jpg

The ball that rose:
http://homepage.mac.com/kvmagruder/.Pictures/Photo%20Album%20Pictures/2006-01-04%2017.53.52%20-0800/Image-91CDC7437D8D11DA.jpg

Fireworks!!
http://homepage.mac.com/kvmagruder/.Pictures/Photo%20Album%20Pictures/2006-01-04%2017.53.52%20-0800/Image-91CEB5617D8D11DA.jpg

And finally, this is Jackie, Hannah, Caleb, Stephen and me:
http://homepage.mac.com/kvmagruder/.Pictures/Photo%20Album%20Pictures/2006-01-04%2017.53.52%20-0800/Image-91CD3E807D8D11DA.jpg

Sorry I probably bored you all out of your minds, but it's kind of hard when blog programs make it extremely difficult to post pictures on your blog from a Mac.

Well, there's been so much more happening... I had an awesome time with my family in Missouri for Christmas, my room is more than halfway finished, I've been able to spend a lot of precious time with my friends this week. I'm not looking forward to starting school again, and I don't know what God has in store for this semester, but if there's one thing I've learned over the past few years, it's that God is faithful and that He is always there for us to see us through, and to work everything together for our good. Wow, that one word, "good," just seems too small... the "good" God has in store for us is so much better than we could dream of. It's amazing to me that though I'm only 18, though I'm really just a kid, I already just can't get over how good our God is. I can't imagine how awesome it will be to look back over His goodness in Heaven!

Thank you all for being so awesome and I'll try to post again sometime, lol!

Procrastination

2005-12-11T23:44:00.000-06:00

Well, it's time for a real post! I haven't done that in awhile. I probably shouldn't do it for awhile, or at least until after finals. I need some sleep too. But... yeah. I rarely get the urge to write here anymore, so I thought I'd take advantage of the moment!

So... what's going on in the life of Rache right now? I really don't know... too much, probably, lol. I'm studying hard (or trying to study hard) for finals right now. I have my Understanding Dance final on Tuesday and my History final on Wednesday. I'm a little concerned that I'm not ready for either, and I also have a 5-page argument paper to write before Thursday, so I'd really appreciate your prayers this week.

As soon as finals are over, we have pretty much constant dance practices/rehearsals/performances throughout the rest of the week, which will be a lot of fun, though pretty exhausting. I'd appreciate your prayers for that as well. Sorry I'm just going to have to make that request a lot this time, lol!

I can't believe that my first semester in college is only a few days away from being over. It went by so slowly, and yet so fast... it was a huge roller coaster ride, but I made it through, thank God. I've grown a lot this semester. I've had more than my usual bouts with depression plus fatigue and stress and all of that and sometimes I've actually gotten pretty near the edge, but God is so faithful to me and every time I fall He pulls me straight back to Him.... It's just been incredible to see how each time I go down, I learn more how to trust Him and rest in His love. And then He pulls me back to the surface so I can breathe again. So yeah, I've really learned some amazing lessons this fall.

On a less serious note, I have to write about some of the stuff I've done this past week.... First off, the Switchfoot and Lifehouse concert! That was absolutely incredible. Two of my favorite bands of all time in one concert! Howie Day opened for them. It sounded like he'd be really good on the radio, but in concert he just didn't quite cut it for me. But that's alright, since my friends and I spent that time talking and being our usual crazy selves. Then Lifehouse... wow. They were absolutely beautiful. For most of theirs I just sat back and listened. And ! That guy's voice... it always gives me the shivers when I hear it on cd, but it was a million times better live! Switchfoot ROCKED. They are definitely my favorite band. We had fun annoying everyone around us on the upper level by standing up (or sitting on the back of our chairs) and having screaming contests... yeah it was fun. And we were all singing along at the top of our lungs of course. The best part though was at the end... their last song was "Stars" which none of us could believe... it's definitely not my favorite of theirs by any means, so that made me sad. But the crowd was all pumped up and we all started shouting for one more song, so finally they came out and did... guess what... "We are One Tonight!" One of my all-time favorite Switchfoot songs! That was definitely the best song in my opinion. And it was really awesome being there with my friends. Lol, we all randomly hugged each other and had a sappy friends moment... I love you guys!!! So that really made the concert... it was a wonderful end to a wonderful concert.

But it was not the end of the night, lol. All of us (Sara, Lora, Stephen, Aubrey, Hannah and me) went outside to our cars, only to find a ready-made ice-skating rink in the parking lot! In other words, a lot of water had frozen on the ground to make a huge sheet of ice. We stayed for 40 minutes I think "ice skating." Hehe... wow... I wish we could have gotten a video or something. We did ballet, break dancing, do-si-doed, hip-hopped, and really anything and everything else we could think of.

It was an awesome night.

The next night was just as awesome! Breakaway went POLKA DANCING!! And I went along, of course, even though we had just spent 6 hours at troupe practice. But it was soooo much fun! We went to the Yukon Czech Hall. There was a live polka band and everything, and of course t-shirts, which we sold them out of, lol. But anyway, we all learned to polka, and I swear, Breakaway is not ever going to be the same, hehe. We all had a blast. Most of it was polka dancing, but the night also included some swing dancing, Cotton-Eyed Joe, the Mexican Hat Dance, and the dreaded chicken dance. Oh, and at one point about half of us or more randomly decided to start break dancing, hehe.... that must have been quite a sight for everyone else there. We DID get videos of this. :D However, they're not on our website... yet.

Afterwards, when we went back to the church, some of us stayed afterwards and yet again found a convenient ice patch to go ice skating on! We were there for awhile, playing on the ice and polka dancing on and off of it. I found out that parking lots are very fun to polka dance in... lots of space! :)

One more thing: 5 guys came! Which was a lot better than I was originally suspecting. Most of them, if not all, danced most of the night. So a big congratulations to them. You guys were awesome. Stephen and Eric, you were both really good!

Well, I should probably get to bed. I was so exhausted I totally slept through my alarm this morning and missed first hour at church. :( I have so much studying to do tomorrow. But anyway, thank you all for your friendship and prayers, and I will probably see some of you tomorrow at Mazzios! Yes, I'm actually going! Wow! Choir's out, and I'll probably need a break just about then, so yeah... you all (who can) had better be there. :D

Mar sin leibh an-dràsda!

Rache

Edjumication time

2005-12-03T18:28:00.000-06:00

So, here's the deal: I figure since you are reading my blog, whether you know me well or not, that means you'd probably like to know me better. So I thought I'd show you about a style of music that I've grown up with; a style that is a huge part of who I am. If you want to really understand me better, I think you need to understand my background; where I'm coming from... hopefully this will show why I'm such a weird dreamer/thinker person, lol. I think music can often say a lot more than words.

Instead of describing this music, I thought I'd just share a bunch of music clips with you, with information here and there as needed. I tried to make each section pretty clear. There's a lot of clips, so browse whatever you like. However, when there's more than one clip for something, it's because of the incredible variety of music in that section, so each song will be very different.

One more thing: The Celts have spread out quite a bit over the ages, so consequently Celtic music can come from a variety of places. Usually, of course, most Celtic music is associated with Scotland and Ireland, but you can also hear Celtic music from Wales, England, Brittany (in France), Galicia (in Spain), Cape Breton and Nova Scotia (in Canada), and the USA.

*One more thing: If anyone wants the lyrics/translation of Gaelic lyrics for any of these songs, I'll do my best to find it for you.

~~~

Traditional Celtic Songs

• Love songs, lullabies, laments, etc. — there's a huge variety, so I'll give you a tiny sampler of a few songs:

"Siul a Ruin," Rosheen:
http://www.rosheen.net/music/siul_aruin.mp3 (listen all the way through this one, it gets really really good! One of my favorite Gaelic songs ever.)

"Mhórag's Na Horo Gheallaidh," Clannad:
http://www.taramusic.com/sounds/cd30089.mp3

"Beidh Aonach Amárach," Altan:
http://wm.celticmerchant.com:81/01.%20Beidh%20Aonach%20Amarach%20(There's%20a%20Fair%20Today).asx

"One Last Cold Kiss," Christy Moore:
http://www.taramusic.com/sounds/cd20059.mp3

"Tiofaidh an Samhradh," Altan:
http://wm.celticmerchant.com:81/11.%20Tiofaidh%20an%20Samhradh%20(Summer%20Will%20Come).asx

• Waulking Songs (Orain-luaidh)

Waulking songs were work songs in Scotland, sung to the rhythm of their pounding cloth. They usually had one person singing the lead part, then everyone else joining in for the usually nonsensical response.

"Tha Mullad," The Fallen Angels
http://www.taramusic.com/sounds/cd40059.mp3

"Alasdair Mhic Cholla Ghasda," Capercaillie
http://www.tradtunes.com/m3u.m3u?track_id=36898

• Mouth Music (Puirt-a-beul)

This was a Gaelic way of singing dance tunes. I can only give you a small sampling of this really, but I've heard so many incredible pieces of mouth music. A very notable one would be the Oscail an Doras sequence in Riverdance. If there are actual words, they usually don't mean much, since more focus in mouth music is put on sound and rhythm. Hehe... just for warning... they are REALLY fast.

"Fionnghuala," The Chieftains
http://media.bmgonline.com/windham.com/the_chieftains/audio/fionnghuala_128.mov

"La luette en colére," Les Charbonniers de l'Enfer
http://ubu.wfmu.org/sound/ethno/celtic/mp3/Celtic-Mouth-Music_10.mp3

"Puirt a Beul/Snug in a Blanket," Capercaillie
http://www.tradtunes.com/m3u.m3u?track_id=36887

"Within a Mile of Dublin," Tim Lyons
http://ubu.wfmu.org/sound/ethno/celtic/mp3/Celtic-Mouth-Music_07.mp3

• Psalm Singing

In Gaelic-speaking churches in Scotland, they don't sing hymns or praise songs, but they have their own beautiful, haunting style. The worship leader sings a line of the psalm, and then the entire congregation joins in, each person embellishing and elaborating on the melody in their own way. Both of these clips are from the Back Free Church, Isle of Lewis, Scotland.

"Kilmarnock," Psalm 16:8-9, led by Calum Martin
http://gaelicpsalmsinging.com/audio/mp3s/Kilmarnock.mp3

"Stornaway," Psalm 133, led by John Murdo Martin
http://gaelicpsalmsinging.com/audio/mp3s/Stornoway.mp3

Instrumental Songs:

First, here's some examples of some of the common instruments found in Celtic music:

• Bagpipes

"Mrs. Martha Knowles..." Scottish Power
http://www.tradtunes.com/m3u.m3u?track_id=32454

"Sleepy Maggie," Iain MacHarg
http://www.pipersgathering.org/Audio%20Clips/Clips/Iain%20MacHarg%20-%20Sleepy%20Maggie.wav

• Uillean Pipes

"Illyrian Dawn," Andy Irvine and Davy Spillane
http://www.taramusic.com/sounds/ta30274.mp3

• Fiddle

"Jenny Picking Cockles / Farewell to Connaught," Frankie Gavin
http://www.taramusic.com/sounds/ta401105.mp3

"Whaler Song"
http://www.rsc-ne-scotland.ac.uk/eolympics/accessibility/example/Resources/Sounds/Whaler_Song.mp3

• Accordian

"Sunshine and Showers," Máirtín O'Connor
http://www.taramusic.com/sounds/moc00302.mp3 (just ignore the last bit with the saxophone)

• Irish whistle and Irish flute

"Star of the County Down," Rosheen
http://www.rosheen.net/music/star_of_the_county_down.mp3 (Irish whistle/penny whistle/tin whistle)

"Shorelines," Davy Spillane
http://www.taramusic.com/sounds/ta30263.mp3 (I think this is an Irish flute)

"May Morning Dew," Moving Hearts
http://www.taramusic.com/sounds/ta30146.mp3 (Another Irish flute I think)

• Bódhran

http://www.mid-east.com/Sounds/btwr.wav (a good example of the bodhran's good bass quality!)

http://homepage.eircom.net/~cipin/bw1.mp3 (a good example of the bodhran's varying pitches)

"An Grianan: An Grianan/Horse with a Heart," Altan
http://www.tradtunes.com/m3u.m3u?track_id=37275 (the bodhran in a dance tune)

• Acoustic (guitar, mandolin, mountain dulcimer etc.)

"Finn MacCool's Reel," Pat Kirtley
http://wm.celticmerchant.com:81/13.%20Finn%20MacCool's%20Reel.asx

"The Boy in the Gap," Pat Kilbride
http://wm.celticmerchant.com:81/08.%20The%20Boy%20in%20the%20Gap.asx

"Shetland Jumper/Message From Home/Wise Up, Grumpy," John McGann
http://wm.celticmerchant.com:81/14.%20Shetland%20Jumper;%20Message%20from%20Home;%20Wise%20Up,%20Grumpy.asx

• Piano

"B Minor," Leahy (mwahahahaha.... this was our awesome troupe parade dance from last year!)
http://www.narada.com/audio/leahy/42955_01.rm

"Showcase," Brian Glynn
http://wm.celticmerchant.com:81/08.%20Showcase.asx

• Airs and other slow instrumental songs:

"When the Snow Melts," Phil Cunningham and Manus Lunny (not exactly all that traditional, but this is my favorite song ever, so I had to put it in) :)
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/wma-pop-up/-/B000000NL7001001/102-9067067-9024905

"Midnight Walker," Davy Spillane
http://www.taramusic.com/sounds/cd30265.mp3

"Arran Boat Song," ?
http://www.gourd.com/graphics/ArranBoatSong.mp3

• Dance Tunes:

Examples of different dance song types/tempos/whatever-you-want-to-call-it for Irish dancing:

• Reels (done in both softshoe or hardshoe—either way, reels are my favorite dance!)

"Sight of Land," Gaelic Storm
http://wm.celticmerchant.com:81/08.%20Sight%20Of%20Land.asx

"Strings of Fire," Feet of Flames, Ronan Hardiman
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/wma-pop-up/-/B00000I0DH001010/104-6455088-0359108

"Martin Wynne's," Alan Kelly
http://www.taramusic.com/sounds/cd40109.mp3

• Jigs (softshoe)

"I Buried My Wife and Danced on Top of Her," Rosheen
http://www.rosheen.net/music/i_buried_my_wife.mp3

"My Darling Asleep, Sonny Brogans," Stockton's Wing
http://www.taramusic.com/sounds/ta300401.mp3

"Dance Above the Rainbow," Feet of Flames, Ronan Hardiman
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/wma-pop-up/-/B00000I0DH001006/104-6455088-0359108

• Treble Jigs (same as regular jigs, only slower for more complicated hardshoe dancing)

"Traditional Treble Jigs 87," Mike Shaffer and Theresa Shaffer Wilkinson
http://wm.celticmerchant.com:81/10.%20Tradional%20Treble%20Jigs%2087.asx

"Heavy Jigs (73)," Bradley Brothers
http://wm.celticmerchant.com:81/05.%20Heavy%20Jigs%20(73).asx

• Slip Jigs (my other favorite because it's like flying. Softshoe, traditionally for girls only because it's so graceful)

"Slip Jig (113)," Bradley Brothers
http://wm.celticmerchant.com:81/07.%20Slip%20Jig%20(113).asx

"Open Slip Jigs 113," Mike Shaffer and Theresa Shaffer Wilkinson
http://wm.celticmerchant.com:81/02.%20Open%20Slip%20Jigs%20113.asx

• Hornpipes (Hardshoe)

"Dance of Love" (traditionally known as "King of the Fairies"), Feet of Flames, Ronan Hardiman (we're doing a dance to this song in troupe this year!)
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/wma-pop-up/-/B00000I0DH001002/104-6455088-0359108

"Hornpipes (Battle of Arklow, Fairies Hornpipe), Bradley Brothers
http://wm.celticmerchant.com:81/02.%20Hornpipes%20(Battle%20of%20Arklow,%20Fairies%20Hornpipe).asx

All these, especially reels, can be found in Scottish music as well as Irish, but Scottish music also has another unique type of
dance music:

• Strathspeys

"The Argyllshire Gathering/Blair Drummond/John Morrison of Assynt House," Field Marshall Montgomery
http://www.tradtunes.com/m3u.m3u?track_id=32445

"Dogs Among the Bushes," The Chieftains
http://lofi.mp3search.ru/lofi/86/395176.mp3 (this one turns into a reel halfway through, but it's one of my favorites)

"G Minor Medley," Leahy
http://wm.celticmerchant.com:81/09.%20G%20Minor%20Medley.asx

• Modern Dance Tunes

"Dueling Violins," Feet of Flames, Ronan Hardiman
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/wma-pop-up/-/B00000I0DH001004/104-6455088-0359108

"Causeway," Nollaig Casey & Arty McGlynn
http://www.taramusic.com/sounds/cd30351.mp3

"Gypsy," Lord of the Dance, Ronan Hardiman
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/wma-pop-up/-/B000001EPB001005/104-6455088-0359108

"Maggie's," Wolfstone
http://www.invernessonline.com/wolfstone/Maggies.m3u

"Siamsa, Lord of the Dance, Ronan Hardiman (I have danced/performed to this song probably more times than any other song!)
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/wma-pop-up/-/B000001EPB001011/104-6455088-0359108

Modern Celtic Songs:

"Is There for Honest Poverty?" Old Blind Dogs
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/wma-pop-up/-/B00005BGU0001001/104-6455088-0359108

"Ailein Duinn," Capercaillie
http://www.capercaillie.co.uk/discography/media/audio/anthology/aileinduinn.mp3 (sorry for the poor quality, but this is a
gorgeous song anyway!)

"The Wisest Fool," Old Blind Dogs
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/wma-pop-up/-/B00008NGAB001005/104-6455088-0359108

"Whisper to the Wild Water," Máire (Moya) Brennan
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/wma-pop-up/-/B00004D3G7001005/104-6455088-0359108

"Annachie Gordon," Loreena McKennitt
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/wma-pop-up/-/B0002VEX1O001004/104-6455088-0359108

New Age Celtic:

"Tara," Moya Brennan
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/wma-pop-up/-/B0000AIT1H001007/104-6455088-0359108

"Na Laetha Geal M'Oige," Enya (one of my favorite Enya songs ever!)
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/wma-pop-up/-/B000002LRR001011/104-6455088-0359108

"Ancient Pines," Loreena McKennitt
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/wma-pop-up/-/B0002VEX1O001008/104-6455088-0359108

? Sorry guys I forgot...
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/wma-pop-up/-/B000002NHN001003/104-6455088-0359108

"I WIll Remember You Still," Aeone
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/wma-pop-up/-/B00005LNGY001018/104-6455088-0359108

Just for fun...

2005-11-25T23:30:00.000-06:00

adopt your own virtual pet!

There's a Blue Sky Outside

2005-11-06T18:32:00.000-06:00

I thought I'd share with you all a poem I really like. I hope it encourages you.

There’s a blue sky outside
But I don’t have the soul
Nor strength to take hold
And open the window wide.

I’d cut myself to pieces
If I crashed through the glass.
I’d lace my blood with fire
But the glass would not be cracked.

If I reached out my hand
If I could plunge it through
The silver glass like water
If through it I could wander

I’d have to be a ghost
I’d have to be dead
I’d have to be some Other
A strength beyond measure.

My skin is drenched in blood
Wings twisted out of shape
My body’s bruised and broken
From the war against the cage.

And still the sunlight gleams outside
And still I hear the far-off strains—
A crystal voice’s melody
Painful for its harmony.

Painful for its loveliness
Painful for its purity
Painful; for it’s far beyond
The clamor of this sanity.

For in this common chaos
Of the world’s reality
I rather see insanity
Nothing here is sound.

Oh God, how long must I go on
Trying to break what I cannot
Save me from my self-made darkness
Break me out of nothingness.

You’re the one who cracks the glass
You’re the one who reaches through
You laced Your blood with fire
But Your star arose still brighter.

Take me away, far away
From this fake reality
From insecure complacency
From complacent misery

Fly me through the silver glass
On wings as soft and warm as steel
Enfold me in your sweet embrace
In skies of blue, sing over me.

Enduring Hope

2005-10-25T15:24:00.000-05:00

One of the classes I'm taking is a Freshman Seminar called Middle-Earth, Narnia and Beyond. Hehe. Yep, I thought it was perfect for me too. :D So anyway, I just turned in my final paper for it last week, and I thought I'd share it with all of you. It's basically about the astronomy of Middle-Earth and its deeper symbolism. You might find it interesting or you might not, but I thought I would share it anyway in case anyone was interested!

Note: This paper includes about half a million footnotes and references that I'm not going to put in here right now. If any of you would like to have/see an actual copy of the paper feel free to ask me. I will keep the footnotes, however, that are not just references. And I'm also going to put the bibliography at the bottom.

One more thing... it gets better toward the end, and easier to read I think....

Enduring Hope: Tolkien’s Starry Road of Night

Even-time is drawing nigh
And in the swiftly dimming sky
Bright Anor sinks her flaming head
And silver Ithil, round and fair,
Ascends once more the starry road
Of night, and mighty figures high....
— Lindë Elenion(1)

It is the middle of the night, and in an inn at Bree four hobbits and a ranger are hiding from an evil far darker than the black outside. Looking out the window before he locks and covers it, Frodo sees the bright constellation of the Sickle shining in the night sky. What is the Sickle? Why did Tolkien include it? Does the seemingly casual mention of it have a deeper meaning?

J.R.R. Tolkien’s sentences are rarely casual. By studying some of the stars and constellations that he kindled in the sky of Middle-earth, we indeed find a deeper meaning. We find an eloquent picture of a theme Tolkien used for all he wrote concerning Middle-earth: hope. There is a deep and glorious beauty about the stars. Hope is the opposite of the ugliness of despair, and Tolkien is careful to reflect this in his writings about the stars. In fact, that is partly why the stars are such an effective symbol of hope: they are beautiful in a way that is beyond the box of our world; higher than our understanding.

With its name meaning the “Sickle of the Valar,” Valacirca was a herald of doom to the forces of evil. This also made it a sign of hope for the people of Middle-earth. Tolkien wrote that Valacirca was, in fact, our own Ursa Major, the Big Bear, more commonly known as the Big Dipper. Because it is so far in the North, it never sinks below the horizon in the Northern Hemisphere. Though our hope here on Earth may be lost in despair, the high hope beyond our world will never fail.

Though Tolkien felt that subcreation is key to fantasy, he also understood that in order for readers to like a book, the book has to be at least somewhat founded in our own world—it has to relate in some way to the readers. In order to do this, Tolkien created Middle-earth, including its nighttime sky, as an early version of our own Earth. This adds a new level of significance to how we view our world. We can take the deeper meaning from the myth and apply it to our own experience. When we see the gleam of the stars, we should allow their light to stir us with the deeper meaning we’ve found in Tolkien’s myth.(2)

Another constellation from Middle-earth that is mentioned more frequently than Valacirca is Menelmacar, also known as Menelvagor. The Swordsman of the Sky, Menelmacar was Telumehtar, the son of the Vala Tulkas. Once, when Melkor escaped from the Valar, he fled to the sky to wreak whatever havoc he could, causing stars to fall and eclipses of the Sun and the Moon. He even tipped over the Sun and caused one of her maidens to fall into the sea, never to return. Telumehtar was sent to hunt down Melkor and protect the heavens from evil. Menelmacar’s companion Ingil went with him as the star Helluin (“Ice-Blue”).

Because of his silent watch over the sky, Menelmacar seems to hold a special significance for the people of Middle-earth. In the Silmarillion, Menelmacar and Helluin are rising for the first time when the Elves first wake by Cuiviénen and fall in love with the stars. Many years later, Frodo and the hobbits are nearly discovered by a black rider towards the beginning of their journey. When a group of Elves happens by, on their way to the Grey Havens, the black rider stops his pursuit. The hobbits stay for awhile to feast and make merry with the Elves. At one point during the night, when the clouds fade away and Menelvagor is revealed, “the Elves all burst into song.”

Are there any parallels to Menelmacar and Helluin in our own night sky? If the various references to Menelmacar’s “shining belt” and the association of the red star Borgil with the constellation aren’t enough to clue us into the identity (3), Tolkien tells us himself. Menelmacar is in fact our constellation Orion the Hunter, and Helluin is Sirius, a beautiful, bright silver-blue star that rises just after Orion. We can see the Swordsman ourselves; the image of that great protector of the sky and pursuer of evil. He climbs the night when the leaves turn to brilliant hues and winter breathes its frost, until the flowers blossom in the spring.

When Varda kindled the stars and brought together the constellations, she made six wandering stars as well. These were Alcarinquë, Carnil, Lumbar, Elemmírë, Luinil and Nénar. The seventh wandering star, which is the brightest and most beautiful of all stars, doesn’t appear until much later in the history of Middle-Earth. This is Eärendil, our own Venus, the evening and morning star. Eärendil was a mariner who journeyed to the Undying Lands to plead for the Valar to help Middle-Earth. His plea was accepted, but he could never again return to Middle-Earth. Even so, he was given a new and more glorious ship, and forever after he would sail through the dawn and the dusk to lands beyond the stars with a Silmaril shining bright on his brow. When the people of Middle-Earth saw Eärendil’s star for the first time, they regained their hope, for they knew that it meant help was coming. They named it Gil-Estel, which means the “Star of High Hope.”

Throughout the Lord of the Rings, Eärendil is the most commonly mentioned inhabitant of the night sky. One of the most notable references to the star of Eärendil concerns the Phial of Galadriel, Galadriel’s gift to Frodo. This phial has a little of Eärendil’s light captured inside of it, and as Galadriel says to Frodo, it is a “light... in dark places, when all other lights go out.” And so it proves to be. When wrapped in the utter blackness of Shelob’s lair, Frodo remembers the phial and pulls it out, crying out in the tongue of the Elves of old to Eärendil, brightest of stars. It is not only a light. It is a brilliant, pure force that fights against the darkness, and the darkness flees before it. When Frodo gazes at the “dazzling light,” the darkness of fear flies from him as well, and though he knows not where it comes from, “it seemed that another voice spoke through his, clear, untroubled by the foul air of the pit.” As the light drives away the darkness, so hope drives away the urge to despair.

There is an important star in the Lord of the Rings that is not in the sky. This is Arwen Evenstar’s stone. Shining white like the Evenstar itself, it symbolizes Arwen’s immortality; her hope of a land beyond the sea where all is well and nothing fades. After marrying Aragorn and giving up that hope for another hope of greater joy yet deeper sorrow, she gives the stone to Frodo, and it brings him hope throughout his days, until finally he himself makes the journey to the land beyond the sea.

In one of the most beautiful moments of The Return of the King Tolkien employs stars to convey hope. Frodo and Sam are deep in the horror of Mordor on the final stage of their journey. One night after Frodo has fallen asleep, Sam falls into despair. Looking up, he sees through the oppressive gloom of the clouds “a white star twinkle for a while. The beauty of it smote his heart... and hope returned to him. For like a shaft, clear and cold, the thought pierced him that in the end the Shadow was only a small and passing thing: there was light and high beauty for ever beyond its reach.”(4) Resting in that knowledge and hope, Sam lies down beside Frodo and falls asleep. He is free from care; he no longer fears for either Frodo or himself because he knows there are greater powers at work, powers that are good even beyond hope.

In Tolkien’s work, the stars have a meaning deeper than is often seen at first glance. They embody hope; a beauty enduring beyond the clouds of the deepest despair. And although each star or constellation differs in its character and lore, we find that each is set to the same tune; the same theme of hope. It is like a celestial symphony, where all the parts play in harmony to make one glorious piece of music. As you listen to the music of the spheres, let the beauty of it smite your heart.

~~~
(1) This is a stanza from a poem I wrote about the night sky of Middle-earth. The full version can be found here:http://homepage.mac.com/kvmagruder/linderaenielo/Menu26.html
(2) “The value of the myth is that it takes all the things we know and restores to them the rich significance which has been hidden by ‘the veil of familiarity’” (Lewis, On Stories, 90).
(3) One of the key features of Orion is his belt of three stars. Borgil probably refers to Betelgeuse, a bright red star on Orion’s shoulder.
(4) Italics added.

~~~
WORKS CITED
Fauskanger, Helge. “Ardalambion.” http://www.uib.no/People/hnohf/ 6 Oct. 2005.
Kocher, Paul H. Master of Middle-earth: The Fiction of J.R.R. Tolkien. Boston: Houghton Mifflin, 1972
Lewis, C.S. On Stories and Other Essays on Literature. New York: Harcourt Brace Jovanovich, 1982
Magruder, Rachel. “Lindë Raenielo.” http://homepage.mac.com/kvmagruder/linderaenielo 6 Oct. 2005.
Tolkien, J.R.R. The Silmarillion. New York: Houghton Mifflin, 1999.
Tolkien, J.R.R. The Fellowship of the Ring. New York: Houghton Mifflin, 1966.
Tolkien, J.R.R. The Two Towers. New York: Houghton Mifflin, 1966.
Tolkien, J.R.R. The Return of the King. New York: Houghton Mifflin, 1966.
Tolkien, J.R.R. The Book of Lost Tales Part Two. Boston: Houghton Mifflin, 1984.

Some cool stuff.

2005-10-16T18:11:00.000-05:00

2 very awesome things for you to waste a few minutes on:

This certifies that I, Rache,

Have Become Cooler

Than I was Before

You too can
Become Cooler at
flooble

I was born in the Year

1987

And my favorite color is Blue

Take the
flooble
Birth-Year Quiz

Why our family is most definitely weirder than yours

2005-10-11T23:17:00.000-05:00

Okay, it's late and I should be getting to bed, but I had to recount to you all an event that happened today during supper. I'm not usually big on potato soup but for some reason it was really good tonight. Nice and creamy. But in the midst of all our contented slurping, Mom and Susanna decided to demonstrate to the rest of us the "new thing" in Vegas. What? You haven't heard? Where have you been? It's sumo wrestling, of course.

So anyway, Susie and Mom proceed to get up from the table, assume the sumo wrestling stance, and demonstrate a sample sumo wrestling match, complete with many... noises, a few of which I came to the conclusion might possibly be a pathetic attempt at Japanese. The match went fairly quickly. In a few blinks of an eye Mom was holding Susie off the ground, but then all action stopped as Susanna yelled, "No, I'M supposed to win!" and Mom replied, "Oh, okay." After the brief pause action resumed and Susanna soon valiantly pushed Mom onto the couch and sat on her. They then proceeded to do some sort of ritual, with lots of head-nodding and hand-clasping and more of those noises that might have been Japanese gone very bad.

After they had reached their quota of gestures and pseudo-Japanese, they came back to the table to their potato soup (Dad had likely eaten half of Susanna's while she was gone). For the rest of the dinner we talked about more normal stuff like tactics to make a bird sing, dancing for James Garner, the meaning of life, whether peas should be allowed in potato soup, and other all-consuming thoughts of utmost importance.

Hmm... now that I wrote all this out, I'm realizing my mistake.... Actually, guys, this is a rather normal day. You should see one of our weird ones.

On second thought, maybe you shouldn't.

Gasp A post!

2005-10-07T22:19:00.000-05:00

Amazing!! I'm actually alive!! Who would have thunk it? :D

Okay, first of, some important business. I have just found out from Caleb's blog that ninjas rely heavily on Calculus. This mortified me, and I realized the sad truth of the choice I must make: I must defect from the ninjas. This is where you, my friends, come in. What should I be now? A pirate? A mafia? A bounty hunter? A secret agent? Something else entirely? I need your help, so please tell me any suggestions or opinions!

2nd, some more important business. I've come to the conclusion that my Elvish name, Raeniel, just doesn't quite fit me. I've never liked it overly much either. So I've decided to change it. I'm strongly considering Olóriel, or Olórien, which mean "dreamer." What do you all think?

Let's see, some news before I go to bed: School has been going pretty well. Midterms are over for awhile, which makes me very happy! Dance has been awesome this year. I'm really being challenged and I love it! I'm excited about what the year will bring. That's about all the news there is right now.

Oh, just so everyone knows, the new Switchfoot cd is AMAZING. Wow. Reminds me why Switchfoot is one of my all-time favorite bands! I love every single song on there. If I had to pick favorites, I would probably pick... hmm... definitely "We Are One Tonight"... and "Happy is a Yuppie Word"... also "Golden," "Easier than Love," "Lonely Nation," "Shadow Proves the Sunshine," "Blues," and well, I give up, I love all of them, lol.

Okay, well, it's getting late and I'm exhausted, and I have a lot of homework that I should have been doing, lol, so I think it's time to waltz off into dreamland. I'll see you all later!

*Waltzes off into dreamland*

Some more poetry in honor of dance kicking back up for the year!

2005-09-11T00:11:00.000-05:00

I'll post two of my dance poems for y'all. The first one is a picture of exactly what happens to me when I step on stage with my troupe. This is mainly for those who don't dance so that they can sort of understand why I'm so crazy about it. The second one is definitely not so serious. It's pretty much the rhythm of a type of dance in Irish, the treble jig, only put into words. Or at least that was my goal. It has a lot of Irish lingo in it (for those of you that don't know, we almost speak a different language—we can "say" our steps). I guess this one is mainly for those of you who are Irish dancers because it might be a little tricky to figure out otherwise... but I still hope it won't be too hard for those of you who aren't to pick up on the rhythm.

The Dancer

heart pounding
butterflies inside
so many people!
so many steps
my mind is blank.

(it’s Yours, Father.)

the music starts.
seven beats and point
and I’m off!
leaping
kicking
twirling
flying
I feel the music in my bones

(it’s You, Father.)

the rush of energy
sets me free
I soar through the air

but it’s not me.

every ounce of me
wells up in praise
I move,

and it’s Him.

too soon
too fast
it’s over now
I hear the applause
I feel the joy
I take a bow -

not for me. For Him.

heart pounding
butterflies inside
I smile.

~~~~~

Treble Jig

Shuffle cut shuffle-hop back, and back two three four
And step click the heel brush and step click and toe
When you jig shuffle step it’s the beat two three four —
It’s the beat, it’s the rhythm, the pulse in your bones.

It’s the pulse in your back and a rock two three bones
In your bones, in your head, in your mind, in your soul
That makes shuffle step you go rocking and rollicking
Romping and stomping and step click the heel
Stomping and stamping and brushing and tipping
And maybe a click or a toe.

The toe
It tips and it brushes, it lilts two three four
Or it bangs and it pounds and it thunders
It thunders
The storm two three four fascinates, captivates
But when it awakes it stamp toe detonates!

The lilt of the words stamp that cannot be said
A h-aon dó trí, is a h-aon dó trí!
Like the roll of an R, the roll of the foot
Makes the tip makes the trip makes the skip come to life.

To life
From the heart, to the soul, to the life
Comes the stomp and the bang and the tip and the click
To the life to the soul of the shuffle cut girl
To the girl who step jigs click two three with her heart.

Shuffle cut shuffle-hop back and back two three four
And step click the heel brush and step click and toe
When you jig shuffle step it’s the beat two three four —
When you stamp and you shuffle and kick up your heels
When you praise two three four then you jig and you live —
Shuffle one tip one two toe and brush cut heel live.

When you’ve shuffled and trebled and toewalked and stomped,
Till your soul is tip one two spilled over the top
And your music is rambling fast toward the last
Then toe, point and bow, and at last
Collapse.

Help me pick out a name!

2005-08-26T23:52:00.000-05:00

Hey everyone, in troupe we're picking out Irish names for ourselves for when we're dressed up in the settler costumes. I've got mine narrowed down to two, and I need help deciding!

• Muireann Ni Mhanacháin
pronounced roughly "Muirien nee Vonnachann."
If anglicized, it becomes Muireann O'Monaghan.

• Muireann Ni Mhaille
pronounced roughly "Muirien nee Valla"
Anglicized as Muireann O'Malley.

Although I really like the lilt on the first one, the second one just seems to fit me, I don't know why... I still can't decide though. Any opinions? Random thoughts?

Sunset

2005-08-20T16:59:00.000-05:00

Night is falling________________
dusk is dawning______________
and the setting Sun___________
__________throws its__________
_______________flames________
____________________to the sky

with the glorious appeal______
of God’s majesty,_____________
it is__________________________
__________a prism____________
_______________of____________
_________________dazzling fire

____and then_________________
__________it grows____________
________________deeper_______
_____________________darker__
__________________________until

the glowing red embers_______
_________________give way to the stars.

A different sort of quiz-like thing

2005-08-18T00:21:00.000-05:00

Have you ever...

[] Swam with wild dolphins.
[x Lol, sort of a "mountain" today and halfway up a real one] Climbed a mountain.
[] Taken a Ferrari for a test drive.
[] Been inside the Great Pyramid.
[x] Held a tarantula.
[x] Said I love you and meant it.
[lol no unless I'm climbing it] Hugged a tree.
[] Bungee jumped.
[] Visited Paris.
[No but I'd love to someday] Watched a lightning storm at sea.
[] Stayed up all night long, and watch the sun rise.
[x] Seen the Northern Lights.
[x] Gone to a huge sports game.
[x... not all by myself, but with Mom and Hannah yes, a long time ago] Grown and eaten your own vegetables.
[] Touched an iceberg.
[I've always wanted to] Slept under the stars.
[x] Changed a baby's diaper.
[] Taken a trip in a hot air balloon.
[x] The best one in a hundred years, a meteor storm! Plus many more...] Watched a meteor shower.
[Um, well, it depends on what it means by "afford"] Given more than you can afford to charity.
[x Oh yes!!] Looked up at the night sky through a telescope.
[x] Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
[Sort of] Had a food fight.
[] Taken a sick day when youre not ill.
[Yeah I'm sure you all could just really see me doing this, haha] Asked out a stranger.
[x] Too many to count] Had a snowball fight.
[x] Oh yeah.] Screamed as loudly as you possibly can.
[] Held a lamb.
[x] Taken an ice cold bath.
[] Had a meaningful conversation with a beggar.
[x] Seen a total eclipse.
[] Ridden a roller coaster.
[x] Hit a home run.
[Sometimes it's felt like it] Fit three weeks miraculously into three days.
[x] Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking.
[] Adopted an accent for an entire day.
[I want to go to Scotland so bad] Visited the birthplace of your ancestors.
[x] Actually felt happy about your life.
[] Visited all 50 states.
[x Money doesn't make me satisfied, lol] Had enough money to be truly satisfied.
[x!!!!!!!!!!!!] Had amazing friends.
[x If you would call the little girls in Mexico strangers... well they were at first I guess] Danced with a stranger in a foreign country.
[No but I want to] Watched wild whales.
[] Stolen a sign.
[] Backpacked in Europe.
[x] Taken a road-trip.
[x] Rock climbing.
[Not quite midnight, but it was dark and the stars were out] Midnight walk on the beach.
[] Sky diving.
[I wish!] Visited Ireland.
[] In a restaurant, sat at a strangers table and had a meal with them.
[] Visited Japan.
[x! All I can say is: The Spiderman Dance. Haha, Sara, Lora and Hannah!!] Pretended to be a superhero.
[x] Sung karaoke.
[x] Lounged around in bed all day.
[] Scuba diving.
[x] Played in the mud.
[x] Played in the rain.
[] Gone to a drive-in theater.
[I'm sure it's happened] Done something you should regret, but dont regret it.
[x] Toured ancient sites.
[I wish] Taken a martial arts class.
[Sorry but since I'm a woman myself that would be kinda weird] Swordfought for the honor of a woman.
[Oh yeah, of course... lol] Gotten married.
[x Yes, ones that we've created] Been in a movie.
[x yeah I tend to do that, hehe] Crashed a party.
[Yeah, that too...] Gotten divorced.
[] Gone without food for 5 days.
[x] Made cookies from scratch.
[] Ridden a gondola in Venice.
[] Gotten a tattoo.
[Not really, but I've been on an old-time ferry across it] Rafted the Snake River.
[x Yes! CIY! I love it!] Got flowers for no reason.
[x Lol... only half a billion times!!] Performed on stage.
[x not professionally of course, but yes] Recorded music.
[] Eaten shark.
[Of course... y'all have seen me with my lightsabers, hehe] Been in a combat situation.
[] Been on a cruise ship.
[I wouldn't call it fluently] Spoken more than one language fluently.
[] Gotten into a fight while attempting to defend someone.
[x Of course!] Created and named your own constellation of stars.
[x] Found out something significant that your ancestors did.
[] Called or written your Congress person.
[x, though I don't know if it was really "starting over"] Picked up and moved to another city to just start over.
[x] More than once? - More than thrice?
[] Walked the Golden Gate Bridge.
[x Especially with my friends, lol] Sang loudly in the car, and didnt stop when you knew someone was looking.
[NO WAY] Had plastic surgery.
[I don't think so....] Survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived.
[Not really large, but I wrote a poem that got put in some book] Wrote articles for a large publication.
[] Patted a stingray.
[I'd hope not... but if I'm honest, I know I have. :( ] Broken someones heart.
[No THANK GOD!!!] Helped an animal give birth.
[] Broken a bone.
[] Ridden a motorcycle.
[] Driven any land vehicle at a speed of greater than 100 mph.
[Um I might have, I can't remember for certain] Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild.
[x Many times] Ridden a horse.
[x] Had major surgery.
[] Had a snake as a pet.
[] Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon.
[] Slept through an entire flight: takeoff, flight, and landing.
[x Yep after my surgery] Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours.
[x Oh, Mexico!] Visited foreign countries other than the states.
[] Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days.
[] Eaten kangaroo meat.
[x] Had your picture in the newspaper.
[I don't know...] Changed someones mind about something you care deeply about.
[] Parasailed.
[No thanks, I liked José Bob at a distance] Petted a cockroach.
[] Eaten fried green tomatoes.
[x... Well, an abridged version I think] Read The Iliad.
[x Art and hammered dulcimer... oh yes and the strange art of being me] Taught yourself an art from scratch.
[] Killed and prepared an animal for eating.
[x Yay! Mexico... numerous stories on that!] Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language.
[x] Thought to yourself that you're living your dream.
[x with the trad. music association] Had a booth at a fair.
[] Dyed your hair.

Heartstopping music and dance WITHOUT the ego!!

2005-08-14T21:40:00.000-05:00

Okay, so now that I posted those two video clips from Feet of Flames and gave my little rant about Michael Flatley, I decided I'd better give you some video clips that better reflect Irish dancing! So here are two of my all-time favorites (and no Michael Flatley to be seen!).

1. This is the Trinity Irish Dance Company. They are a really famous Irish dance company that tours the world. They sometimes seem a lot more traditional than Riverdance, but from what I see they do some very modern innovative and cool stuff! This gives you a taste of what their show is like. Amazing AMAZING dancing... wow. Nothing bad or suggestive in this clip, no Vegas-like stuff. Most of what you'll see is Irish dancing (though there is some other stuff here and there... maybe some sort of African dancing?). I love this and I really want to see them live sometime!!
http://premierespeakers.com/262/video.cfm?quality=high

2. I LOVE this clip!! It really gives you a look into the world of Irish dancing today. It's basically a mini-documentary (maybe 3-5 minutes long). You "meet" the Healy Irish Dance Studio, get a look at what goes on in a championship class, follow one of the champion dancers to an important feis (an Irish dance competition), and see a lot of just plain amazing normal Irish dancing without the glitz and added forms of dance found in an Irish dancing show such as Riverdance, Trinity or Michael Flatley's shows.
http://www.kqed.org/.stream/real/tv/productions/spark/artists-orgs/healy.rm.ram

Yay! It makes me so happy that I don't have to give any warnings for these!

Concerning heartstopping music and dance... and an ego

2005-08-13T23:42:00.000-05:00

The ego part is, of course, Michael Flatley. For those of you who don't know, Michael Flatley is a MAJOR celebrity in the Irish dancing world. He was the first to star in Riverdance (actually he choreographed quite a bit of it!), and he went on to create his own shows which have been almost as popular, if not more so (Lord of the Dance and Feet of Flames). However, I feel like taking the opportunity to rant. My apologies to anyone who likes Michael Flatley. SO...

Michael Flatley... where do I start? He is quite a character. I will say this: Irish dancing would not be where it is today without him. But the fact is, he knows it. Very well. Halfway through the first Riverdance tour, he got mad and walked out because he didn't get everything his way. Mere weeks later, he was already working on his own show, Lord of the Dance. Riverdance and Lord of the Dance are like apples and oranges. I LOVE Riverdance, but Lord of the Dance, and Feet of Flames both... to sum it up: girls doing moves that... um... make Irish dancing something it was never supposed to be, lots of gaudy costumes showing lots of skin (occasionally being thrown off to reveal a costume showing MORE skin), and a dancer who's full of himself strutting around on stage. Now don't get me wrong, lots of people love Lord of the Dance and Feet of Flames, and I can see why: the dancers are very good, the music is incredible (I actually like a lot of it more than Riverdance's music!), and so on. But I really have a problem with a lot of the stuff in it. With the attitude that it's all about Michael Flatley, and he gets what he wants, and that girls are just things to play around with pretty much. I also have a major problem with the fact that he took a hymn about the true Lord of the dance and made a show about himself as the lord of the dance.

Another thing: I have to say I don't admire his dancing much. Sure it's incredible... he's in the Guinness Book of World Records for getting the most taps per second. He's incredibly talented. But I have never really liked all the "look-at-me" arm movements he does in his solos. And sometimes, when I look at him doing one of his solos, it looks more like prancing around on a stage with a few Irish moves mixed in. I know that that's not really true, and I'm no expert on any of this, not at all, but that's just how it looks to me sometimes. He also seems to add in a lot of tap-like moves (which I'm definitely no expert on either, but still that's what it looks like). I MUCH prefer Colin Dunne or the like.

I have a video clip for you all to check out. It's the second dance in one of the Feet of Flames shows. I personally LOVE this clip... mainly because of the music. It's INCREDIBLE music. And mixed with the troupe dancing together, a lot of it reminds me of the ceilis I think we'll have in Heaven. There are some parts I don't like, though, namely a lot of Michael Flatley's solo. And everything he does in general (seriously, what's the deal with the crawling across the stage?!?). Here's where you can see an illustration of what I was talking about earlier. Also, I don't like the jester person much. I don't know what she's doing but it's not Irish.

WARNING especially for the guys: At the very end, when everyone gets into one line, put another window on top or something so you can still hear the music but not see the video. Let's just say the girls shake their hips, a lot, and the ending pose reflects the whole of Michael Flatley's shows all too well. Watch that at your own risk... it makes a beautiful thing sickening.

Hehe, if I didn't scare you off too much, here's the clip: http://james.theirishdanceplace.com/video/fof1.wmv

Oh one more thing, sorry guys but it's in Windows Media (grr...), and it was taken (legally) by an audience member at one of the shows, so the quality is very poor. If you make the window smaller it will be clearer, but it will be... smaller. :D

Edit: If you want to see more, here's a clip that I like just as much, from the same show. This one's a duel between two groups of girls. The music is amazing!!!! It really gets good when the brunettes come out (not that I'm prejudiced or anything... hehe). And the dancing... awesomeness!!! When it's Irish that is... basically if they move their upper body or shake their hips (which thankfully they don't do as much of on this clip), that's not Irish, hehe. I do think the arm movements are kind of cute here, though.

Another WARNING for the guys: Let's see... um, VERY short costumes, the occasional suggestive move scattered here and there (okay, well, a few times more than occasional), the ending pose where the two lead girls pose like models, yeah it's really weird and out of place.

But anyway, here's the clip:
http://james.theirishdanceplace.com/video/fof10.wmv

Change

2005-08-11T22:32:00.000-05:00

"The Christian doctrine of suffering explains, I believe, a very curious fact about the world we live in. The settled happiness and security which we all desire, God withholds from us by the very nature of the world: but joy, pleasure, and merriment He has scattered broadcast. We are never safe, but we have plenty of fun, and some ecstasy. It is not hard to see why. The security we crave would teach us to rest our hearts in this world and oppose an obstacle to our return to God: a few moments of happy love, a landscape, a symphony, a merry meeting with our friends, a bathe or a football match, have no such tendency. Our Father refreshes us on the journey with some pleasant inns, but will not encourage us to mistake them for home."

- C.S. Lewis, from "The Problem of Pain"

The Long and Short of It

2005-07-16T14:00:00.000-05:00

Haha... I crack myself up. Right.

So I cut my hair. I donated 10 inches to Locks of Love. It's really weird now... I haven't had it this short (shoulder length) since I was 13! I hated it for a few days, but now I'm slightly getting used to it and seeing the good side. And hey, God gave me my hair so it's really His to use for His glory, and I was just following that, so that's good! And when I think about it, I only gave up half my hair. The person who will get 10 inches of my hair will have lost ALL their hair. It's the least I can do. So I'm okay with it now. Even though it's not really "me," it will grow, and I guess it's sort of a cute style so I can live with it until it grows.

But I thought I'd give you all a heads up on this so that when you see me next, if you haven't already seen me in the past 3 days, you won't freak out. ;D

Random thoughts about Mexico #4

2005-07-10T15:12:00.000-05:00

Tuesday was our R&R Day! It was wonderful! But it was also really strange. Going into the ultra-rich tourist resort area known as the Hotel Zone after being out in the gritty, poor, REAL Mexico all week was a shock. Everything was made so lushly, so comfortably, it sometimes sickened me. Not that comforts like that are bad or anything... it was just weird seeing the difference. And I guess it was sort of the "conspicuous consumption" thing I had a problem with. I mean, just compare, say, the Sheraton Inn (a HUGE hotel with marble corridors and fountains everywhere, actual nice bathrooms, and of course an big outdoor pool out right by one of the most beautiful beaches in the world) or that big mall (full of expensive shops and restaurants of every kind, and also full of people buying up whatever they felt like, not to mention the streams of drunk party people) to the house of that one mother in Tecax (she had, was it, 5 children? And it was a one-room house, 15x15 feet, with a "roof" that leaked horribly every time it rained which was almost every day. The kitchen consisted of a bucket on some concrete blocks.). It makes me really sad.

What's even weirder is coming back home. We take SO much for granted. We are all SO EXTREMELY WEALTHY here in the US. We're not exactly the wealthiest people in our church, and we have to worry about making ends meet, and live without certain comforts, and buy clothes seldom, and wait on the someday when we'll have more money to finish our house, take a big vacation, and a bunch of other things. Only a few years ago Dad was jobless and bedridden sick and we lived with our grandparents, surviving by the generosity of others. When I'm here in the US it's so easy to lose perspective, to think that we actually have it a little hard sometimes. But after going down to Mexico, I realize that we really don't have any right to complain. We have electricity, air conditioning, a practically endless water supply, HOT water, a nice, clean, house with 2 stories that's made from sturdy, really nice material, furniture and beds to sleep in, and enough money to do heck of a lot more than live. I have a closet full of clothes and shoes. When I walk into my room I can't believe how much stuff I have. We have computers!!! We have CARS! Hey, we even have toilet seats, lol! We are really SOOOO rich. We have no right to complain.

Lol, after I got home, I was just WAITING for Mom or Dad to start complaining about this or that about our money, house, or whatever so I could pounce on them with my ready-made list of all the things we take for granted here. ;)

But anyway, back to the Hotel Zone. We certainly did enjoy our time there, despite the gaudy display of wealth. It was an amazing day!

After riding a public bus to the Hotel Zone, we went out for lunch at a big mall. The mall was sort of outdoors, just covered with canvas canopies in an artsy sort of way. Full of all kinds of stores and shops and restaurants (this is the same mall I was talking about earlier). A bunch of us (I think it was Hannah, Sara, Stephen, Kaitlin, Zac, Jennifer, Dave, Josh, Andrea, Chris, Caleb, and possibly a few more, I just can't remember who!) went to Chile's, the same place we went for supper on our R&R Day last year. Just like last year, it wasn't quite so good as the Chile's here, but we had a lot of fun. Stephen was obsessed with building things out of the Chile's packets; it was funny.

After lunch, we split up. Most of us went to the beach, but some went to see a movie. Kevin and Eric went back to the mission because Kevin all of a sudden got really sick. It scared us all to death; it was really sad! I don't think they ever figured out exactly what was wrong with him, but we sort of labeled it "dehydration" even though it didn't fully fit the bill for that. :(

I went to the beach, of course! We walked through the Sheraton to the same spot on the beach where we were last year. The water is so beautiful there. It's the classic white sand, turquoise water beach (well, actually, if you go out to La Isla de Mujeres, which we did last year, it's even more beautiful!!). We had so much fun. We spent the entire afternoon out there.

After learning how to jump over the waves in Tulum, I had so much fun out in the water with my friends! I figured out (actually, someone showed me) that if you get far out beyond where the waves start to turn white, it's really easy and a lot of fun! One of the absolutely most awesome things of the entire day happened while we were out in the water (it ties for absolutely most awesome thing of the day with seeing the ocean at night under the stars). We saw it coming slowly toward us from far out in the ocean... a rainstorm! When it hit, some people got out, but a bunch of us stayed in the water, even though it got a bit choppier. That was so amazing, swimming in the pounding of the playful ocean in the pouring rain, surrounded by the sound of a waterfall on the waves and the laughter of my friends. I will remember that all my life.

Of course it was one of those quick, freak Mexico rainstorms, so it only lasted about 10 minutes and then out came the sun. Some other things we did on the beach: Sara, Hannah, Stephen, Jackie and I played frisbee (of course!). Sara and I lay down on the sand and eventually got halfway buried. Sara discovered it looked REALLY funny if she laughed. ;) We also hung out and talked for a bit over underneath those shelter-things where we put all our stuff and where all the beach chairs were; that was nice. I looked for shells in the water for a bit, but I never found anything. Stephen found a LOT though, so he was giving them away. I ended up with a really awesome piece of white coral and a pink and white seashell.

All the guys made a big sandcastle together, it was pretty cool. Hannah made a sand turtle, but I never got to see it. :( Last year Sara and I made a really cool sandcastle, but I never got to this year. That's alright, though, I was having fun doing other things. Oh! I just remembered something really funny! We had a little sand war! A few of us were running around throwing sand at each other, and boy was it fun. Not quite as good as last year, though—last year it was at night, and it was HUGE even though it was just between Sara, Stephen, Chris and me! It lasted a long time! So much fun!!

That evening we all met back up at the mall. I went to McDonald's for supper (blech. I'm NOT a fan of that place, but I didn't want to spend anymore money). I got a kid's meal, which contained the best toy I've ever seen in a kid's meal, or at least the only one I've ever kept—a really cute stuffed monkey. I named him José Luis after the most awesome little boy in Tecax. :)

After supper we all split up into a bunch of little groups and walked around the mall. I was with Andrea, Jackie, Nicole, Kaitlin, Caleb and Hannah. Hannah and I got a little Cancún keychain for Susie, and we also found a hammock for Jessica (later on the whole group contributed to the cost of it). There was also this cool little shop, I forgot what it was called, but it had a bunch of Lord of the Rings stuff. And another store had a bunch of Star Wars shirts. Outside of that store was this big plastic Cookie Monster. Kaitlin, our own favorite cookie monster, really enjoyed getting to meet him. ;D

After it was dark we all met up again and walked back over to the beach. I think I already told you about seeing the ocean at night (in my post "Oh, Mexico!"), so I won't describe it again.

As we walked back from the beach Hannah and I sang (and Sara a little, though she was hoarse, and Chris sometimes or whoever felt like joining in). It was really nice; it was just that sort of time when you feel like singing. Everything's so beautiful and peaceful, and God is just so obvious. At those certain times I just feel like I have to sing, or else my heart will burst with the beauty breaking the spell, pointing Love as King (to steal the idea from one of my favorite songs). So I was glad someone was willing to sing with me (thank you, Hannah!). Last year was so awesome—Sara and Chris and I sang all the way back from the beach, for the entire time on the bus, until we got back to the mission. I love that! But this year we were all tired so I was the only one who really felt like singing, and soon after we got on the first bus I didn't feel much like it, either—too tired, and Sara was hoarse, and it was just not right singing without her being able to join in.

We had an interesting experience getting home. Normally one certain bus route would take us all the way back to the mission, but the bus driver in the bus we were in decided for some reason he didn't feel like taking us that far. We had only gone about 5 minutes when he told us to get off there. So we unloaded onto a sidewalk sort of on the edge of the hotel zone and waited around forever for another bus with the right route to come by. We were all SOOO tired, and the mosquitos were terrible! Somehow we survived the half-hour that we waited there. Somehow just being with my awesome friends made it okay, even though we were exhausted and weren't much for conversation. Finally the right bus came (and this one wasn't full of drunk people, like the one that we had had to turn down a few minutes before!), and this one took us all the way back.

Awesome day. It's amazing how God uses even the R&R Day to teach me and show me more of His love and grace!

Well, I think that's the end of my Mexico ramblings (maybe... we'll see). Wednesday we took off and went back to Oklahoma. Oh, it was cool, when we got near OK City, we started looking out the window for Norman, and we found it! We found the stadium, and from there we could map out all these different familiar roads and buildings and such! I actually saw Wildwood! And from there I traced the street down to our neighborhood. So I saw where our house was!! It was so cool. We were all picking out familiar sights all the way to the airport. That was exciting because I'd never been able to pick stuff out like that before... yay!

Okay, I'm done now, I need to leave for a bible study thingy! Au revoir!

Random thoughts about Mexico #3

2005-07-05T21:14:00.000-05:00

Monday was awesome. It was actually a big adventure for me, at least! It was our work day. Everyone had different things to do. I never thought mine would be as much of an adventure as it turned out to be!

The Chains let this one lady set up her empanada stand in their driveway every morning. Mr. Chain had the idea of painting a big sign for the stand on the outer wall, and Jackie, Lane and I volunteered. So at about 10:00, we put on sunscreen and old clothes, and went outside to see what we could do. Well, some other people were painting the walls, so we had to wait for them to get done and for the paint to dry before we could get started painting ourselves. But we filled up that hour—we talked to the lady who ran the stand to find out what she wanted, drew out a plan for the sign, and walked down the block with Daniel Chain to get some paint. The lady made us an empanada so we could paint one on the sign. It was awesome, while we were sitting around outside planning everything out, Eddie and Mark Chain were working on the pickup nearby, and they had Switchfoot's Meant to Live album blasting out the speakers. That is one of my absolute favorite cds in the world! And cooler than that, that cd always has reminded me of Mexico ever since I first started going last year, especially the song "This is Your Life." So it was awesome to hear it actually while we were IN Mexico! We all sang along.

Finally it was our turn to paint! We had to paint pretty high up the wall, so we used this scaffold. It was a little freaky. The board on top was really old and had almost rotted through in places. We made sure to always spread out our weight, and some spots we avoided altogether. It wasn't very wide, so it was very weird trying to switch places! At least we could lean against the wall for support. Fortunately, I'm not scared of heights (just falling, lol! There IS a difference, I think!), so after I got my balance I was fine.

First we drew our design on the wall in pencil. We stopped midway through this for a quick lunch, then got right back to work. I had a feeling then that we probably wouldn't get our siesta that day, and I was right. I guess that needs some explaining. At about 2:30 or so in Mexico, shops and everything just close down for a few hours because it's so hot. Last year we always just kicked back and relaxed—and maybe even took a nap—in the hammocks on the breezeway (on the top floor of the mission). But I remembered one time last year when Jackie, Sara and I painted a mural. It took us forever, and we didn't get a siesta that day—we got done just in time to go get ready to go out to a village and do our program. So, I braced myself for no siesta. It wasn't that bad, it was actually a lot of fun. Serving God is fun, even when it is tough work, and our work was a kind that I was very satisfied with doing, lol!

Well, it ended up taking us 5 1/2 hours. Part of it was just because all three of us are HUGE perfectionists when it comes to art. We would paint something over once, then one of us (usually me) would go back over it and slowly... carefully... paint around the edges and make them smooth. Very tedious work, but strangely satisfying. We wanted to— we HAD to have it perfect, or as close to perfect as possible.

We each brought our own strengths to the project, and it worked really well! Lane is great at lettering, so she penciled in most of the lettering, and also filled a lot in with paint. Jackie is a REALLY amazing painter (as I'm sure you all know) so she spent most of her time working on the empanada. It turned out WONDERFUL!!!! It looked good enough to eat, lol! My strengths are just a little here and there, so I sort of did random things where needed—a little lettering here, and a LOT of painting, mostly making the edges straight.

It was funny, at about 2 or 3 pm Sara, Kevin and Zac got done with whatever work they were doing, so they decided to come watch us and be our "go-fers." They went to Super David's and got us drinks (my Cristal Manzana was sooooo refreshing out in the heat). I REALLY appreciated it! And they decided to be our entertainment, lol. They did a pretty good job. I was glad they were out there.

It must have been an interesting sight: 3 obviously non-Mexican girls standing on a 6-foot-tall scaffold painting an empanada and a bunch of letters on the side of the building, right by a main street. It was sometimes not that fun for us, though. We finally started counting how many offensive gestures were made towards us (they were offensive to us, I mean—catcalls, whoops, shouts, and other degrading things.). We stopped counting a few hours later—the numbers were too depressing, lol. It made me really mad. Next time that happens here in the US I'll just be thankful, because I know people do it a LOT more in Mexico, so it could be worse. :(

At about 4:45, we were getting near the end when we noticed the dark clouds rolling in. Oh great. Our paint was water-based and Mr. Chain had warned us that the paint would run if it started raining! So we worked as quickly as we could, still trying to satisfy our perfectionistic inclinations. It was frustrating. It was getting darker by the minute and we were starting to panic. As Lane and I were painting the last few letters, the first few raindrops came. By that time, there were a few more people down on the ground watching (beats me why—we were soooo slow they might as well have tried watching the grass grow!). A few of the guys ran to try and find a tarp. All of a sudden, at about 5 pm, the clouds opened up. I felt like breaking down into tears and laughing insanely all at once as I stood on top of the scaffold in the rain, trying to physically shield the wet paint as Lane still tried to paint the final letter. What we had worked on all day... what we had put so much of ourselves into, with so much care, with so much precision on each inch, each centimeter... our service to God... would it really get destroyed? I told God that if that was what he wanted, I'd be fine with that—after all, it was His project and we'd done it for Him, so it was His to use or destroy in His own wisdom. So I felt peaceful.

The cold rain felt really good after being under the scorching sun all day.

Within a few very long seconds someone handed me a plastic bag, or sheet, I'm still not quite sure what it was. I pressed one side to the wall above the wet paint, and it actually stopped the flow of rain, mostly. Lane finished the letter. It was done! I still felt like I was going to laugh or cry, or both. All of a sudden Kevin and Caleb climbed up with a big tarp. They stood on either side of the scaffold and held it over me as I tossed the plastic sheet down to the ground, then knelt and carefully smoothed away the running paint, over and over as it came. It was amazing—only a few letters were running (the ones we had just finished painting), and that was IT!! Mr. Chain had been sure that the whole thing would be ruined! I realized that God really was protecting it. After what seemed like forever, the guys got part of the tarp up over the wall, so it could hang there by itself and really stop the flow of rain onto the sign. We all carefully climbed down from the scaffolding, the rain still pouring. I was thoroughly soaked, and thoroughly happy.

So that was our Monday adventure. :)

If you'd like to see a picture of the finished sign, go here: http://homepage.mac.com/kvmagruder/.Pictures/Photo%20Album%20Pictures/2005-06-19%2018.16.54%20-0700/Image-A361BC3EE12511D9.jpg

Random thoughts about Mexico #2

2005-07-04T15:46:00.000-05:00

As I have probably already mentioned, our dramas and puppets and all that were for these programs we'd put on in the evening. Last year we went around to different villages, a different place every night, doing these. This year, we actually went out and trained a local Mexican team to put on the same programs as us, which they are still doing now! That's why we spent a few days in Tecax—to train a Mexican team. So we taught them the dramas and puppets and how to set things up and everything. The first night we did the program ourselves on the town square, then the next night both us and the Mexican team did it together, and then, after we left, the Mexican team did it all by themselves. If you want a more detailed account of how the programs went, go read Hannah's blog. She explains things very well!

Lol, I'm not gonna let Sara get away with this one: On Friday night we were handing out tracts as people were leaving. I was standing with Sara, Megan, Zac and Josh (I think!). Sara was talking about how funny it was that Venancio (our evangelist) liked to say "Hasta la vista, baby!" Now, when we hand out the tracts, we're supposed to say, "¿Lea por favor?" which means "Read please?" So this one elderly lady came along, and Sara handed her a tract, and said, "Hasta la vista, ba... OOPS!!!!! I mean, lea por favor?" It was SOOOO funny!!! The lady laughed (along with the rest of us, lol!). Poor Sara. It was pretty funny, though... and since she was laughing too and we were telling everyone else about it for awhile afterwards, I thought I should write it here for posterity. :D

On the way back to Cancún from Tecax on Sunday, we stopped at Tulum, these Mayan ruins right by the sea. They were so awesome! Sara has a few pictures on her blog, I think. The water looked SOOOOOOO good (especially after not having taken a real shower in a few days!), so naturally, once we were inside, I headed straight to the beach. It felt so good! I had so much fun this year, too. Last year I was just like Hannah. Dave pulled me out into the waves, and the first wave came and I didn't know to jump at the right time, so I was really put off from getting that deep for the rest of the trip. I was very content with being knee-deep. But this year, someone actually taught me what to do, and I went out and had SO MUCH fun. It was awesome!!

I lost track of time, and before I knew it, I only had, like, 5 minutes to look around the ruins! Somehow Nicole and I did it, and took some pictures, too. They were so cool, though it's a little freaky thinking about what they used to be used for when it was a Mayan temple. BAD stuff.

Oh I remember something interesting! Sunday morning was the day we had the pig for breakfast before we left Tecax. The locals fixed it for us. It was actually pretty good, I thought. But a few hours later, when I started having stomach pains (along with a few other people!), it didn't seem so good, lol. In Felipe Carillo Puerto it was the worst. That was where we stopped for lunch, at another missionary's house. I could barely eat, but once I did, I felt a lot better!

Hehe, while we were there, there was this concrete driveway that dropped off a few feet on the edge. I found out it was the perfect place to do elevés, the really good kind where you stand with your toes on the edge and your heels hanging off. That felt SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO good. I did, like, 200 of them (a LOT—normally I do around 50!). It's really difficult going from dancing and working those muscles really hard just about every day for a few weeks, and then all of a sudden not for a week. My calves really appreciated that driveway!

After we got back to the mission in Cancún that night, we were all waiting around for the showers (SHOWERS!!! Real showers!!!! Happiness!!), when it started raining. Sara, Stevo, Chris, Caleb, Zac, Seth and I immediately ran over to front railing of the breezeway, where the water was pouring in. It felt so good! We were all having a blast being really goofy and crazy. The floor got really slick, so we started sliding back and forth. We hung our heads out over the railing, trying to get as wet as we could, and calling it our "showers," since by that time we weren't sure we would get any real ones after all (it's hard for 29 people to take showers in a row with such a limited water supply. Actually it's impossible.). We made a lot of noise, I'm sure. Of course we got a picture. It's hilarious. See it here: http://homepage.mac.com/kvmagruder/.Pictures/Photo%20Album%20Pictures/2005-06-19%2018.16.54%20-0700/Image-A360F6F2E12511D9.jpg From left to right is Seth, Zac, Sara, Chris, Caleb, and me. Stephen's the one in the air. ;D

Well, there I've told you about the first part of the week. I'll write more tomorrow!

Random thoughts about Mexico #1

2005-07-03T22:58:00.000-05:00

Well, reading Hannah's thoughts on Mexico has got me thinking! So I decided to share some of my own Mexico thoughts with you all. Some of this I posted as comments on her blog. Actually, I kept posting so many long ones filled with thoughts of my own that I decided to stop annoying her with it all, and that's the REAL reason for posting this here. ;) j/k!

I'd suggest you read Hannah's blog too so you're filled in on what we were doing, since I doubt I'll be stopping to explain all that much.

Well, where to begin?

Let's see... I remember the first night when we got to the mission. After supper we immediately set about bagging hundreds and hundreds of toys and candy and popcorn to give out during the week. It seemed to take hours even with all of us working! But we all set about it with a joy and vigor (weird word there, lol) that could only have come from one Source. By the last few bags my feet were so tired and achy, and all I wanted was to sit down. But God helped me stick with it joyfully until the end, even though it was hard work, and so soon into the trip!

The ride to Tecax was great, even though it took us like 8 hours! We all had so much fun playing mafia and catch phrase or just hanging out and talking. We went through a few rainstorms, and of course we kept the windows open! Now that was awesome. For those of you who haven't been down to that part of Mexico, it is EXTREMELY humid and hot down there. On just one of the days we were there, the temperature was 107° and the humidity was ninety-something percent. But when one of their rainstorms came through—usually just about every day at one time or another for 15 minutes—the temperature cooled down a bit, and the breeze was absolutely heavenly. Especially on the bus where, when all the windows and skylights are open, the wind blasts through at breakneck speed! It actually got a little chilly a few times! And of course, getting wet always felt wonderful.

The bathrooms by the church where we stayed in Tecax were... interesting. That is all I will say. Except for two things: It could have been worse. And I appreciate toilet seats a lot more now (and running water, and cleanliness, and toilets that flush, and sinks that work... well, I appreciate a LOT of things more now, let's just say!).

The church was nicer than I expected, considering I was expecting see-through walls made of bent sticks, a dirt floor, and a thatched roof, like a church we saw last year out in a remote village. It actually had concrete walls and a ceiling, as well as a TILE FLOOR! And it even had a stage sort of like at our church. It was a pretty big room, too, which was nice since most of us had to sleep in it. It had some fans that worked somewhat well on the ceiling, and during the day the front and side doors could be opened to let the breeze in. So we didn't get TOO hot, although it wasn't quite as nice as the breezeway back at the mission! I was just thankful that it was an actual building, and there were actual bathrooms! Yay!

I was in the drama team in 2 of the dramas. We're doing the one we did the most, Creation, in church on Sunday. I can't decide if I like that or not. It's a good drama that points to Christ, but #1. The music is REEEEEAAAAAALLLLYYYYY cheesy (it's done without words to a recorded tape) and #2. I have to play fight with a guy, which is a little weird. It was easier for most of the times we performed it during our program things in Mexico... something just sort of snapped in place for me. But every time we'd practice it it was really weird.

On our first night in Tecax after doing our first program thing on the town square, we climbed this huge hill to the Ermita of San Diego, this big church that was built in the 1600's. We got to see a wonderful view of Tecax—all the lights were sprinkled down far below us, surrounding us, and reaching out until they met with the blackness of the jungle. We went behind the church where it wasn't lighted for awhile. There were bats EVERYWHERE! It was so cool! They were constantly going this way and that over our heads. And the stars were amazing. So beautiful and bright, and so many of them! I stood there for the longest time just staring—trying to memorize all the stars that I didn't recognize that were lower on the horizon, because I knew I might be able to see the constellation Centaurus there, but I didn't know what it looked like. I've ALWAYS wanted to see the star Alpha Centauri in Centaurus... well just that whole constellation in general. And guess what? When we got home I looked it up, and that was the constellation I saw!!! I was so excited.

We walked a bit farther up the hill to this gazebo-like thing on the edge of the jungle. I forgot who was with me when we went back there, but there were only two of us, and everybody else was either already up there or hadn't come yet. So we sort of discovered the holes ourselves, lol. There were this big, black holes dotting the rock we were walking on. In the dark they just looked like these black pits of nothing here and there. It was so dark you really had to be on the lookout, they sort of came out of nowhere. Yeah, I was little scared of them, if you can't tell, lol. They really freaked me out. My apologies to whoever was with me—your hand must have ached for a long time afterwards! ;)

During the day in Tecax when we were sitting around waiting for this or that, something interesting happened. At first it was just the girls making necklaces and bracelets and anklets and things out of embroidery floss, but one by one, we converted all the guys. We soon had what we called our "knitting circle," where we'd all sit on these benches by each other just working away at our bracelets. By the end of the week, I'm pretty sure the guys had made more than the girls! They really got into it. It was funny. They rock.

On Saturday we actually went out to eat at a very fancy restaurant a few towns over. It was open air, of course, to let the breeze through. The food was delicious (except for this one VERY weird flavor of ice cream). It had the nicest restrooms we'd seen in days! It had a big mirror, one of the few real ones I saw all week (I walked in and screamed, lol). And it had nice toilets and sinks and all that! Sara took a picture of one of the toilets because she was so excited to see one with a seat, lol. We all were!

Saturday night was the night one little local girl gave me the really pretty silk flower. That was so sweet... it's one thing I'll keep around for the rest of my life, you can bet.

Every day we were in Tecax a group of local children would come to the church to play. We became fast friends! They were all so sweet! I will always remember Gabby, José Luis, Jasmine, Tirza and Gladys. I remember the streamers in the hair, dancing around in a circle, teaching them the hokey-pokey, playing hand-clap games (and making up our own!), their fascination with our cameras, our many attempts at communication, making embroidery floss jewelry with them, and José Luis' "aiyiyi"s. Saying goodbye to them was really hard. I miss them so much! But I hopefully will see them in Heaven.

It was SO neat being able to work with our fellow Christians in Mexico. Even though we don't speak the same language, or have the same background, we really are brothers and sisters in Christ, and we have a bond stronger than a language barrier. And one day, we will be able to speak to each other in Heaven! That'll be SO cool. I can't wait to see them.

Mexico Memories...

2005-06-30T14:44:00.000-05:00

Hey guys, if you want to know more about our trip to Mexico, check out Hannah's blog (the link's in the sidebar on the right). Every day for 8 days Hannah's posting one day of her journal from Mexico (just without the really personal stuff). It's really cool, check it out!

Tea and Sympathy

2005-06-26T22:22:00.000-05:00

Just noticed something I had to tell y'all! I'm listening to my favorite Jars of Clay cd, Much Afraid. A line in the song Tea and Sympathy said: "...All your words fall to the floor and break like china cups." Well, that reminds me of one of my favorite poems (rather depressing, though!), by Emily Dickinson (a poet I really like). I thought I'd share it with you:

"It dropped so low in my regard"

It dropped so low in my regard
I heard it hit the ground,
And go to pieces on the stones
At bottom of my mind;

Yet blamed the fate that fractured, less
Than I reviled myself
For entertaining plated wares
Upon my silver shelf.

I have no idea why I thought of that, but I just randomly decided to share it with y'all!

Here's the names (or rather, first lines) of some of my other favorite poetry by her, in case you want to look it up (a good site is http://www.bartleby.com/113). One or two of them are pretty depressing, I'll warn you, but what I love about her poetry is that the imagery is beyond what I always thought words could describe.
"I stepped from plank to plank"
"Father, I bring thee not myself"
"They dropped like flakes, they dropped like stars"
"It was not death, for I stood up" (this is the depressing one, but read it anyway just for the imagery!)
"The cricket sang"
"A thought went up my mind to-day"
"The moon was but a chin of gold"
"If you were coming in the fall"
"The wind begun to rock the grass"

Good stuff! Come to think of it, that's one of the reasons I like Jars of Clay songs so much in the first place... the amazing imagery. It's like poetry. It IS poetry!

A quiz for everyone

2005-06-26T14:39:00.000-05:00

I made it up myself, aren't y'all proud of me! Seriously, it would be SO awesome if each and every one of you could fill this out. I'll fill it out myself first (except for the last part, of course). So, introducing...

RACHE'S QUIZ TO END ALL QUIZZES

1. First name: Rachel
2. Age: 18
3. Birthday: April 25, 1987
4. The all-important question: chocolate or vanilla? CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (You all knew that, though.) Although as far as scents go, vanilla's one of my favorites.
5. Tea or coffee? COFFEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Tea's not really my cup of tea.
6. Pessimist or optimist? Somewhere in between. It really depends on my mood; I could go either way.
7. Extrovert or introvert? Introvert. Although I love being around my friends!

Favorite...
8. Book (other than the Bible): Lord of the Rings!!!!!
9. Movie: Guess what? Lord of the Rings!
10. Song(s): "When the Snow Melts," by Phil Cunningham and Manus Lunny (it's Celtic)
11. Music artists/bands (list from 1-10): (warning, these aren't really much in order after the first two!)
• 1. Switchfoot
• 2. dc Talk
• 3. Jars of Clay
• 4. Pillar
• 5. Thousand Foot Krutch
• 6. The Benjamin Gate
• 7. Enya
• 8. Old Blind Dogs
• 9. Rebecca St. James
• 10. U2
12. Food: chocolate, of course. Oh, and strawberries. Oh, and I LOVE Mexican food!
13. Cold drink on a hot day: IC Caramel or IC Mocha from Panera
14. Jelly Belly flavor: watermelon
15. Model of car: '57 (I think!) Chevy Bel Air
16. Thing to do when you’re sick: watch old home videos, look at old photo albums, and read of course!
17. Color: Deep, dark blue
18. Season: Summer
19. Month: March
20. Day of the week: Saturday or Sunday
21. Hour of the day: 8 or 9 pm for the summer, or actually whenever the sun's setting. Or 5 pm. I don't know why. :D This was a hard question though.
22. Girl’s name (pick a few of your favorites): Muireann Elwing (if you want to know how it's pronounced, ask me sometime), Lúthien Marielle, Elanor Lea. I also like Grace for a middle name.
23. Boy’s name (pick a few of your favorites): I have no idea about middle names, but I love Eli, Christian, Micaiah, Micah, and Levi.

24. What is your dream place to live? Scotland
25. What do you want to be “when you grow up”? A dance teacher... but I'll do whatever God leads me to. I know I want to be a wife and mother eventually!
26. Who is your biggest role-model (other than Jesus if you’re a Christian)? My parents. Oh, and my dance teacher.
27. If there was one thing you could change about yourself, what would it be? I would be a whole lot less selfish and a true servant to others, not just on the outside but in my heart. Not be so concerned with myself. Because I am so freakin' selfish it depresses me sometimes.
28. What’s one of the things you like most about yourself? I like to think and I like to dream.
29. What is your love language? Probably time is my biggest. But others are really important to me too, especially touch. I appreciate service, too, and I'm trying to work on being a better servant to others myself, as I've already said.
30. What’s your favorite Scripture verse? Why? I have a few favorites, and it's so hard to pick just one! I do REALLY like Zephaniah 3:16-17, that goes something like this in my favorite translation of it: ""My daughter, have no fear, do not let your hands fall limp. Yahweh your God is with you, a victorious warrior. He will take great delight in you, he will renew you by his love; he will dance over you with shouts of joy as on a day of festival."
31. List five things that you really enjoy doing.
• 1. Talking to God
• 2. Talking about deep stuff with friends
• 3. Dreaming/thinking/writing in my journal/making up stories and poetry (it's all sort of lumped together)
• 4. DANCING! I seriously practice just about every day now... how can I not? It's like flying!
• 5. Spending time with my friends
32. Describe an interesting dream you remember having: Hmm... Well, one time I had a dream that a bunch of my friends and I were on this cruise ship sort of thing. Except it wasn't really fancy or anything. I do remember there was this one room with some foosball tables and stuff like that. But we were all exploring, and some of us were playing foosball and some of us were going to get something to eat when the ship hit something and started sinking, Titanic-style. You'd think it would turn into a nightmare, but it didn't (actually, most of my dreams don't anymore!). It wasn't really scary, just an adventure sort of thing like you'd read in a book. We all got out okay, by the way. :-D I've also had other really cool dreams. Mysteries and other adventures and such.
33. Who is one person that you would like to see right now (God doesn't count, if that's what you're thinking)? I really don't know... I guess Sara and Lora cause they're gone... oh and Kaitlin! I haven't seen her since Mexico, really. :( Makes me sad. Oh and I would like to see all the troupers... I miss them! I went from seeing most of them practically every day to not at all. We have got to have a party sometime. That would be so cool. Lol, so this isn't exactly one person, but I give y'all leave to cheat, too! After all, it IS my quiz!

And some questions for you to answer about me (feel free to email your answers to me if you don’t want everyone to see them):
34. Do I remind you of a character from a story? Who and why?
35. If there were to be a movie of my life, who would star in the lead role?
36. When you think of me, what comes to mind?
37. What do you like about me?
38. What do you think I need to work on?
39. Is there any way I could be a better friend to you?
40. How does my relationship with God look to you?
41. Is there any additional advice you have for me?

Thanks guys! I'd really appreciate you all filling this out, it will help me to get to know y'all better and it will also help me if there's anything I need to work on!

Everyone run and hide...

2005-06-24T22:19:00.000-05:00

The Rachieth Returneth!

Lol, that was for all the girls I used to email every day back in 10th grade. I LOVE YOU GIRLS!!!

I used to write about whatever popped into my mind. Hannah's chicken noises, Susanna's chainsaw snoring, my obsession with brownies (and, well, all chocolate for that matter), guys who need longer to bake, the evil socks in Kevin and Chris' closet, etc. So I think I'll try my best to write a "random email from Rache" again. Newsletter #1553 (since I already wrote Newsletter #1552).

I like Celtic music. If you hadn't already noticed. It's practically all I listen to anymore. Especially the dance songs. It's kind of interesting how Celtic music is always REALLY happy and bursting with joy and love or REALLY sad and depressing. Or VERY WEIRD. Like the song called "I Buried My Wife and Danced on Top of Her." It's really upbeat and joyful sounding, lol. And I guess when you've been around Celtic music all your life you get used to it, but I know of many wonderful songs out there about such different things as:

• Milking a cow.
• The conversation between a man and his mother right after he killed his father. And the mother's entire concern is for what wealth she acquires from him when he goes over the sea in penance.
• A beggar bragging about how great it is to be a beggar. (?!?)
• As the song says: "The age of 14, he was a married man. The age of 15; the father of a son. The age of 16, his grave it did grow green...." Very typical Celtic song right there.
• An ode to the "salmon of knowledge"... wow. That must be one smart fish.
• A girl who's begging her mother to let her go to the fair because she's in love with the shoemaker and wants to marry him... and she's only 10 years old.
• Open the door for the fiddling tailor! Because he's the king's son! So open the door for him! And that's practically all the words to the song!
• Alasdair son of Cholla was a gallant warrior, and all of Scotland is burning.
• Ri ri o ro, ri ri o ro, ri ri o ro. The chickens are squawking. Ri ri o ro, ri ri o ro. The older girl drowned the youngest in the pool of swans, ri ri o ro, and stole her lover for herself, ri ri o ro, ri ri o ro. We must feed the chickens, dear Maggie.

Lol, you get my point now, don't you? I love Celtic music though, anyway! And those are really just some of the songs, the weird ones (though I love those anyway). Others, like "The Mystic's Dream," or "Be Thou My Vision," or "Caoineadh Na Mhara/Amen," or "Our Wedding Day," are some of the most beautiful songs lyrically and musically in the world, IMHO.

Okay, you all are going to laugh at me, but something really funny just happened: I'm sitting here listening to music (Celtic, of course!), when I notice that there's only 40 songs in my music library on iTunes! Normally there are 1,744! So I totally start panicking. AAAAAUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!! ALL MY MUSIC!!!!!!! GONE!!!!!!! Of course we have back-up, but it's for the other computer, so it's not as personalized. So I run down in a panic to Dad who's about to go to bed, looking very pale and scared. "DAD!" I whisper/scream, "THERE'S ONLY 40 SONGS IN MY ITUNES LIBRARY!!!" So he calmly tells me to bring the iBook down and show him, and lo and behold, I had typed some words in the "search" field and so it was only showing the songs relating to that search.

Oops. I felt really stupid. We had a pretty good laugh about it, though.

I'm going to do something that I haven't done in awhile. I'm going to work on my foreign language skills. J'aime parlant en français. Je l'apprendrai plus à l'université. J'ai oublié très beaucoup de cette langue belle, malheureusement. Alors, mes mots sont horribles.

Agus an Gàidhlig. 'S fìor thoil leam an Gàidhlig. Bha mi ag ionnsachadh i anns an sgoil am bliadhna, ach feumaidh mi tòrr a ionnsaich.

Melinyë i lambë Eldaron. Quenya ná i anvanya ilyë i lambëo. Melinyë quetes rimbavë. Tencenyë Valaquenta Quenyassë atta yéni yá. Nás lambë mára linden i elenion.

Okay, I'm glad I got that off my chest. I haven't done that in awhile, so thanks for putting up with me! That was French, Scottish Gaelic, and Quenya. And just so you know, Gaelic sounds NOTHING like how it looks, so don't even attempt to sound it out.

Last night was great. It was Breakaway's Informal Night Out and we went to some restaurants on Campus Corner. The food was okay, nothing special (except for the fried oreos. It's funny I liked them so much, considering my aversion to both grease and oreos!). The laughter and time with friends was what made it so great. By the way, WELCOME BACK STEPHEN! Okay, I've just got to say it: Matt and Katie brought these two ADORABLE 4-week-old kittens with them. I cannot describe how cute they were. I was dying from cuteness. But anyway, it made me really sad since I'm allergic to kittens. Not like Sara—she breaks out in hives and stuff. I just get itchy all over and occasionally asthma. Oh and when I get scratched it swells up to the size of Mt. Everest. But eventually I just gave up and HAD to hold one. It was so precious! I would so get a cat if I could... I love cats (sorry all you dog-lovers, but I do). Sigh... it makes me sad.

The good thing was I didn't have much of a problem with allergies afterwards, for some crazy reason. Yay!

Oh, tomorrow we're going out to eat with some people I haven't seen since I was like, 5. One of the guys' names is Grady, and I still remember him. He's the one I always used to call "Gravy."

OH! One more thing before I go! I feel so darn proud of myself! I was watching that acappella guys' dance in Riverdance, the one with all the thunder and lightning that is SO DARN COOL and so fast I can't even tell what moves they're doing most of the time (that is seriously one of the most amazing dances in the entire show from the perspective of an Irish dancer!). Well, anyway, there's this one move they do that makes a really cool rhythm with a neat little heel click stuck in there somewhere. I had always wished I could do that, so I watched it over and over, and finally sort of figured out my own best guess of what it might be! It's so awesome! Now I just need to make up a dance to put it in, lol.

GOODBYE SARA AND LORA!! I'll miss y'all! I love you girls!! See ya next week!

Well, I'm off into the wide blue yonder for now (a.k.a. bedtime). I'm really tired. Even though I slept in until 11 this morning. That's really strange because I don't sleep in that late very often. I have an internal alarm clock that usually wakes me up at 8:30 at the latest, but recently it hasn't been working, I guess. But anyway... I love you all! Goodnight!

Rache

YEAH Caleb!

2005-06-24T17:39:00.000-05:00

Okay, everyone go to Caleb's blog (http://herohtar.myvnc.com/) NOW. He just posted the ENTIRE song I was just talking about in the last post in a media player that should work for all of you.

A quick sidenote for those of you who aren't Celtic music junkies: The song starts out with her singing a little (no words), and then there's this really weird but cool Gregorian Chant-like thing. This all lasts about a minute, and then the song really starts. It's ALL absolutely beautiful, I'm just warning you so you won't get 30 seconds into it and think, "how the heck could she dance to THAT?"

Oh, and she has a really interesting, REALLY strong voice! Just as a reminder, this is Loreena McKennitt singing her song "The Mystic's Dream."

The Coming Dawn

2005-06-18T00:54:00.000-05:00

Hey everyone, check out the audio clip I put in my profile. I LOVE that song... even though I haven't heard it all the way through just yet, lol. It's so beautiful. I can so imagine a dance to it. As a matter of fact, when I buy that song off the iTunes music store God's probably going to choreograph it in my head. He's already started!

Info about the song: it's a GORGEOUS song called The Mystic's Dream by Loreena McKennitt. I have a very strong feeling that she is a pagan (as a matter of fact I pretty much know), but the lyrics to this song can totally be interpreted as Christian. I think of it as a song about the return of Christ... sort of like a dream I might have about His return. I also think it ties in VERY strongly with the whole theme of my blog, which is the story of Elwing and Eärendil. All three things snap together like a puzzle, because they really are about the same thing. Here's the lyrics:

A clouded dream on an earthly night
Hangs upon the crescent moon
Voiceless song in an ageless light
Sings at the coming dawn
Birds in flight are calling there
Where the heart moves the stones
There that my heart is longing for
All for the love of you

A painting hangs on an ivy wall
Nestled in the emerald moss
Eyes declare a truce of trust
Then it draws me far away
Where deep in the desert twilight
Sand melts in pools of the sky
Darkness lays her crimson cloak
Your lamps will call, call me home

So it's there my homage's due
Clutched by the still of the night
Now I feel, feel you move
And every breath, breath is full
So it's there my homage's due
Clutched by the still of the night
Even the distance feels so near
All for the love of you

A clouded dream on an earthly night
Hangs upon the crescent moon
A voiceless song in an ageless light
Sings at the coming dawn
Birds in flight are calling there
Where the heart moves the stones
There that my heart is longing for
All for the love of you

Oh, Mexico...

2005-06-15T22:35:00.000-05:00

Mexico
James Taylor

Way down here you need a reason to move
Feel a fool running your stateside games
Lose your load, leave your mind behind

Oh, Mexico
It sounds so simple I just got to go
The sun's so hot I forgot to go home
Guess I'll have to go now

"Americano" got the sleepy eye
But his body's still shaking like a live wire
Sleepy "Señorita" with the eyes on fire

Oh, Mexico
It sounds so sweet with the sun sinking low
Moon's so bright like to light up the night
Make everything all right

I stole the lyrics from Stephen, lol. If he minds, then I'll just have to get out my hardshoes (oh wait, that just works on Kevin... I don't know if it would work on Stephen since he hasn't seen what they can do!)

But anyway, I love that song... it paints a picture of this last week. I'll give you all a big post later with all the cool stories and adventures that we had so many of. I can hardly begin to describe to you how awesome this mission trip was. I can't wait to attempt it, though! But meanwhile, I'll explain why this song fits so perfectly.

"Way down here you need a reason to move
Feel a fool running your stateside games
Lose your load, leave your mind behind"

When we were down there, it was down to the grit. All the other motives fell away (for the most part, that is), and God became our true reason for moving. We left the foolish games of the comfortable. When we did that, when we experienced the reality of life in most of the world, and when we did it for God and helped others, it was incredibly freeing. We lost the burden of the mindset of the rich.

"'Americano' got the sleepy eye
But his body's still shaking like a live wire
Sleepy "Señorita" with the eyes on fire"

Toward the end of the week, especially, we all got pretty tired, but God lifted us up on eagle's wings. Not only did he give me strength, but joy, too, in the work. I was on fire for Him this week, but I don't exactly know if that could be seen in my eyes! I'd hope so. Another thing this verse reminds me of is how even though we'd be tired every night (REALLY tired toward the end of the week), we'd all stay up late being crazy... actually just being ourselves. ;)

"Oh, Mexico
It sounds so sweet with the sun sinking low
Moon's so bright like to light up the night
Make everything all right"

This reminds me of all those times, whether in Tekax or Cancún or elsewhere, when I soaked up the beauty of God's creation. All those times looking up at the bright sliver of the moon... watching the sunset with stormclouds everywhere but where we were in the poor outskirts of Cancún... picking out constellations in a sky filled with jewels at the top of the hill in Tekax... singing through my tears to the God of hope beyond the stars that spun over the railing of the mission... watching purple twilight set in over white sand and a turquoise sea... staring in awe and wonder at the power of God in the waves of the ocean crashing at my feet and the dark sky full of endless stars above.

That was beautiful, seeing the ocean at night again. I felt so small. So powerless. The ocean is so strong. It seemed to go on forever. I felt so small against it. I have no control at all over the waves, and it could easily crush me in its depths. And the night sky... so many billions upon billions of stars in billions upon billions of galaxies... it's so big. And I couldn't stand up to it, either. Not even a chance against either of them. But God is bigger than they are, and He is the one that spins the stars and orchestrates the waves, and He's also the one who creates the symphonies of our lives. So it's okay. I'm okay. It's good to be small. It's more than okay, because this same God loves us beyond comprehension. What a beautiful mystery! So I sang Amazing Grace.

And now I am so tired that the room is spinning. I think I'd better go to bed now! Hasta luego.

Two major events within one week!!

2005-06-06T23:45:00.000-05:00

These things are so major and so close together that I can hardly get my head around them both at once!

Major event #1: THE DANCE RECITAL WAS SATURDAY!!!! IT WAS AWESOME!! One of the best nights of my life! I think I enjoyed it even more than the audience did, lol!! I can't describe how amazing it was. It went SO smoothly, much smoother than last year. Except for two things, but both turned into sort of adventures and will be great memories. First of all, this big supercell storm came through and everyone had to go to these dressing rooms for shelter because there was a possibility of tornadoes!! Like right when we got there! But it turned out to be a blessing in disguise for us, and it's one of the reasons why it was one of the best nights of my life. At first I was a little freaked out because my Dad had dropped us off to go get something to eat, and then Hannah I got split up from Mom and Susie because we went to different dressing rooms. But I was with some of my friends, and we got creative with passing the time. None of us had any decks of cards (Hannah's were in her bag out in the little auditorium... oops!), but I did have some duck tape! We made a wallet for our teacher's brother and finished it just in time for us all to move back out into the little auditorium. When we got out, we looked over to the other dressing room, and one of the troupers' dads was playing his fiddle, and some of the younger Irish dancers were dancing! Of course we ran over to join the ceili!!

For those of you who don't know, a ceili (or ceilidh, if you speak Scottish Gaelic) is the ULTIMATE in fun parties. It's basically a get-together with lots of dancing and music and laughter and food and such. Irish dancers use the term for certain dances that can be danced at ceilis, but a lot of times we just use the word for any sort of dancing together, whether completely spontaneous or at a party.

Well, anyway, we joined in. Everyone took turns dancing in the middle of the circle to the fiddle's tune, while everyone else clapped and whooped. Even non-Irish dancers joined the fun and kicked up their heels! Then the four of us there from the troupe did a basket (a move where you lock arms around each other in a circle, lean back, and go around really fast!). It felt like we were flying! Then, we got everyone who wanted to, Irish dancers or no, and taught them how to do the basket! Soon a lot of people were going around and around (a lot slower, though, but they were THRILLED!). They absolutely loved it. And so did I! It was so much fun, so awesome, I can't even describe how great it was. It was really a ceili! Wow!

The second little "adventure" came right after we did our ballet dance. Kara and I had to run and change into our hip-hop costume. But no sooner had we gotten back to the dressing room and started changing than someone came and told us that we had to go backstage as we would be saying our verses onstage with a bunch of others soon! We just about panicked, because I remembered that after we said the verses there would only be ONE song before our hip-hop dance! That is NO time at all to change in and take off our "wreaths of death" (the flower wreaths we wore in our hair that took FOREVER to put on and take off), even if we changed in the backstage dressing room, which we couldn't. So there we were, lined up backstage to say our verses, half-changed. I was in my ballet dress with my black hip-hop tights and no shoes. Hannah helped me take off the wreath, so at least that was done. But we had so little time, we were really freaking out! Finally someone told us to just skip saying our verses and to go ahead and change, right as the rest of the people were going onstage to say it. So we RAN. Down the backstage hall, through the main hall, into the little auditorium, leaping over kids, around to the dressing room. We changed quickly, but I was having trouble getting my headband-thing to stay on! So I was trying to bobby-pin it and Kara was trying to get her jazz shoes on and people kept running in saying that we had to get backstage. I said a quick prayer, and then we RAN like maniacs back through the little auditorium, through the halls, and we JUST made it backstage in time for the ending of the song right before ours. It was pretty funny. We both decided we wished someone had got it on videotape, because it must have looked REALLY hilarious, what with us bumping into walls, leaping over kids, running like total maniacs and slamming into doors at full speed. Oh wow, I'm laughing now just thinking about it!! It was hilarious! Craziness.

By the way, a big THANK YOU to those of you who made it to the recital, even despite the storm (and we missed those of you who couldn't, because of the storm or otherwise! We love you anyway, lol!). I was so happy to see you all there! And my fellow graduates (most of you don't read this, but I'll say it anyway): Kevin, Aaron, Jessie, you all are awesome! And Kev, watch out, you never know when I might sneak on my hardshoes! *evil laugh* I threatened to do a click at him for punching my arm at the reception after the recital... I had NOTHING to do it, no NOTHING... of course I wouldn't have punched him in the arm first or anything... I'm too nice... lol. He went and hid behind Sara after that, lol.

And of course I won't forget all of you who weren't my fellow graduates! Sara, Kaitlin, Chris, Bethany, and the rest of you—so many! It meant SO much to me that you all were there! You rock!

Okay, so onto Major Event #2. On Wednesday, I leave for... MEXICO!!!! For the mission trip!! I. AM. SO. FREAKIN. EXCITED. AAAAAAAAAAAAAUGGGGHHHH!!!!!!! I can't wait!!! This will be my second year going, and it's going to be a LOT harder stuff than last year (we'll actually be staying out in a remote village for 4 days, with no showers or anything!!), but last year I discovered that when you're serving God with a willing heart, it's FUN. It'll be incredible. It'll be a blast! Wow, there are almost twice as many people going this year as last year! 29 instead of 17! So it'll be a little crowded, but it'll be great anyway. I think most of the people who went last year are going again and bringing their siblings, too, so that's why it's so much more! (Random comment of the day: have you ever noticed what a strange word "sibling" is?) Well, anyway, I am PUMPED. I will write all about it when I get back; there'll be a lot of stories to tell!

Would everyone please pray for us? Here are some specific things that I'd really appreciate your prayers for:

• For physical and spiritual health throughout all 8 days of the trip for everyone going.
• That our hearts would be open and that God would use this trip to do wonderful things in each one of our lives, and change us to be more like Him.
• For the first-timers that they wouldn't be too nervous (one gets sick when she's really nervous or excited on trips, so pray for her in particular!) and that we all would trust in God. Some of the first-timers are my sister Hannah, Kaitlin, and Kevin, plus MANY more.
• For safety for all of us, whether on the plane or on the bus or taxi in Mexico, or even walking around the villages or in the Hotel Zone on our R&R day.

Thank you all SOOOO MUCH!! You guys are AWESOME!

Hehehe...

2005-05-29T19:10:00.000-05:00

That's a good one, guys, but I'm too smart. :D

Oh, by the way, it's about 7 pm Sunday... and I'm off to "astronomy group!" You guys rock!

Check this out!

2005-05-22T22:57:00.000-05:00

Everyone raise your left hand and repeat after me: I will... click on the link... on the right side of the page... that says Lora's Xanga... and I will either post a comment on her xanga... or leave a comment here for Rachel to post on her xanga if I don't want to sign up. She needs some readers, people! So get yourselves over there! Thank you. :D

On another note, Hannah and I went over to Kaitlin's house tonight to watch the last episode of Sue Thomas with her and Kara. IT WAS AWFUL!!!!!!!!!! Or it looked like it was going to end alright, but it didn't because she ended up staying on her job which meant that she and Jack couldn't get together, and Jack was about to tell her he loved her, but got wimpy and then found out she was staying so he couldn't!!! GRRRRR!!!!!!!!!

No, Sara, it is NOT a soap opera. I can give you MANY reasons why it isn't but I won't here.

Anyway, afterwards we were all sitting (or collapsing) on Katie's couch moaning and being traumatized. Poor Kara was taking it especially hard. I swear, I watch it—ahem, MOSTLY—for the action and excitement, but Kara's ESPECIALLY into the whole Sue/Jack thing. She was one traumatized girl! An example of our conversation:

All of us: WAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!
Rachel: That was one of the worst ones EVER!!!!!! WAAAAAAHHH!!!!
Kaitlin: And it looked like it was going to be good!! Why did she have to stay?? WAAAAAHH!!!
Kara: IT'S NOT FAIRRRR!!!!!!!
Hannah: Kara, you're squishing me, and I'm getting hot.
Kara: WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!! I think I'm going to go eat worms and DIE!!!!!
Kaitlin: They're in the refrigerator if you want them.
Kara: THAT'S IT!!! I WON'T eat worms, just to SPITE YOU!!!
Rachel: Why didn't he tell her??? He was THIS close....
Kara: Because he's a DWEEB, that's why!!
Kaitlin and Rachel and Hannah: He's NOT a dweeb!!
Kara: He is too a dweeb!!
Hannah: Well, he would have told her if Miles hadn't interrupted!
Rachel: But he didn't!!!! WAAAAAHHH!!!!
Everyone: WAAAAAHHH!!!!! MIMIMIMIMIIMIMIMI!!!!!!!
Hannah: Kara, I'm getting REALLY hot under here. And I'm squished.
Kara: THAT'S IT!!! I'm going to go eat worms and die, just to SPITE YOU!!!!

And so on. I think Kara said "just to spite you" about 40 times within 15 minutes. And Kev, Chris, Caleb and Connor had a wonderful time, I'm sure, laughing about our sorry state in the adjacent rooms. Every so often Kevin would walk in and stare at us with the quizzical eye of someone watching a group of people trying to dig a hole to China by jumping on pogo sticks. He finally concluded (or not "finally," he actually concluded this very early into the show) that girls are crazier than guys.

I disagree. After riding home from my first CIY in a van full of mostly girl-crazy, short-on-sleep guys who liked to roughhouse, I can tell you that guys are most definitely the crazier sex.

One more thing: NEVER ride for 4 hours in the middle of a van full of girl-crazy, short-on-sleep guys who like to roughhouse. EVER. I mean it.

1 Cor. 10:23-11:1

2005-05-18T17:01:00.000-05:00

Okay, we've been having an interesting discussion in the comments for my previous post! I spent so much time writing my own point of view on the issue at hand that I thought I might as well post it here, too! If you want the background, read the comments, but you don't have to in order to understand what I'm saying. So here are my views on... drumroll please... the Grey Areas of Life!!

~~~~~~~
Stephen said this: "Ok, I can understand the detriment of watching senseless violence, but this is getting ridiculous."

I have to agree with him. I think it's pointless to go over every single act of violence or language (or whatever else!) in this setting. Every person has their own limits that God has placed in us with what we can handle and what we can't. We can't just say that because one thing effects someone in a bad way that it is therefore totally bad and that EVERYONE should shun it. I'm not talking about stuff like murder and adultery and stealing—those are specific sins that God has most definitely given us specific commandments about. I'm talking about the grey areas like, for instance, playing poker, drinking things with alchohol, or watching movies with violence and language. You might feel a conviction to stay away from one of these things. Another perfectly normal and God-following Christian might not.

For instance: I know that for me, I feel a conviction that I shouldn't play poker. I disagree with betting the money. But I know many Christians who play it (friends... some of you, actually!) and I'm not about to judge them for it because it may not be a sin for them. I NEVER KNOW. I am not God, and God as far as I know did not say in the Bible that POKER (or gambling) IS A SIN and that NO ONE should play it. No person can judge a man's heart but God. Only one thing I do know: it would be a sin for me myself to play it.

On the other hand, I'm perfectly fine with having a little bit of wine at a banquet, Passover, etc. WHEN I'm of age. As long as it is not an addiction, I'm fine with that. If I ever got to the point where it was something I craved though, that would be either an addiction or dangerously close, and the Bible tells us not to be addicted to alcohol (in Proverbs, I believe, and probably elsewhere, too). So of course if it came to that it's a sin! But as long as my conscience is clear on the matter (where it's grey, I mean), I would be doing no wrong.

Again, one thing that we absolutely can NOT do in these grey areas is to make everyone else accept and shun things according to one person's convictions (lol, unless, of course, that person is Christ!). That would be legalistic and would, in fact, go against Biblical teaching.

You wanna know where I'm getting all of this, what this "Biblical teaching" is that I'm talking about? Read 1 Cor. 10:23-11:1, and think about it for awhile. Our youth pastor did an AWESOME talk on this passage a few months ago... remember, my fellow Wildwoodians? That one rocked, n'est-ce pas?

Just to ward off a question that might come up, I do think though that this does not apply the parents' direction of their family. They are supposed to set godly rules for what their family is and is not allowed to do, and the children need to obey 1. because it is commanded and 2. because God has placed them under the authority of their parents. Of course this changes when the children grow up and become adults themselves, and are no longer under the jurisdiction of their parents.

I think it is important to note that in the 1 Cor. passage it also makes it clear that we ARE to honor the convictions of those who are with us. In other words, we can't cause someone else to stumble. Something that is okay for us might not be for them, and we have to realize and respect that, and not try and make them do something that they can't and we can.

Hmm... that made me realize: I really like this passage, because it's an argument against both legalism and liberalism all at once! How cool is that!

A thought.

2005-05-05T22:01:00.000-05:00

I think it's so sad when teenagers and adults get all caught up in their "grownupness." It's a wonderful thing when people take off the pretenses of what the world envisions as an adult. I know as I graduate and move towards adulthood, I need to remember that more than ever. I can still imagine, I can still dream. Jesus praised the heart of a child. We do not have to give up that heart for maturity—part of maturity is holding onto it.

Guess what day today is?

2005-05-02T23:33:00.000-05:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SARA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU ROCK! Hope you're having fun on your choir tour!!

A good thing about 18:

2005-04-29T21:54:00.000-05:00

I am now allowed to buy duct tape from Wal-Mart! YES!!

At least that's what Caleb told me.

An ode to duct tape, the heart and soul (well... er... sort of...) of an Irish dancer:

O wondrous duct tape!
What a beautiful thing.
Black and shiny
Goes with green.
Its dark, smooth surface
Has a stunning sheen.
Especially when stuck on
Niall or Colin
(those are my hardshoes
if you were wonderin'!)

O faithful duct tape!
You never fail
To keep my feet
From flailing in the air
And doing somersaults
On a cement stage
Is not very great...
So thank you, duct tape.

*Takes a bow* Thank you, thank you, everyone. That was a work of art... probably the best poem I ever wrote... or not....

I wonder if anyone besides Sara reads this anymore. I just did an ASTOUNDING job of keeping my readers, didn't I, by not writing for a month! EVERYONE COME BAAAAACK!!!! Hmmm... if you come back I might have some chocolate... or not... but you'll never know until I see your comments! ;D

By the way, see those links on the side, over to the right? That say Sara's blog, Lora's blog, and Caleb's blog? Click on them. They're cool.

Wow, it's been a long time since the last post!

2005-04-27T15:04:00.000-05:00

I've just been so busy, it's absolutely insane. I want this school year to be OVER but then I DON'T! It will be nice to have some time to breathe, but this is my last year being homeschooled and I need to enjoy it. And I'll miss dancing, since that's over for the summer after the recital. But right now it just seems like I have to take it a day at a time. Get through the many different things going on each day enjoying it as much as I can. If I think even as much as a week or two ahead, I get overwhelmed with all that's going on. Graduation and class stuff, church, dance, choir, loads of school, and all the fun parties and things going on with this or that circle of friends. All VERY good things, but when I hardly have an ounce of spare time it's a little overwhelming.

Well, as of two days ago, I'm 18. Officially an "adult." I thought it would be better than it is! Yesterday and today I've been having a hard time with it. I'm growing up, and frankly, I don't want to. I think I told you all recently that I don't get upset anymore about growing up? Well, that was a big fat lie, even if I believed it myself then! Of course, I still know that nothing's the last time I'll be young; I'm certain that Heaven will hold better than that. But that only makes me long for Heaven more.

Everything's been so busy I haven't had time to plan a party. On my birthday, after coming home from seeing my friends in The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe play, we had a small family celebration. They sang me Happy Birthday, gave me a few really nice things, and I blew out the candle on my little chocolate cupcake. It was very nice, and I was really happy. I still miss my friends though. Maybe I'll do something in June or sometime (as that would be the first chance available!).

16 was a nice age. It seems like only a day ago, but then I had 2 years of highschool left! Seeing the big homeschool choir's recital last night really brought that home for me. It was only the second time I'd seen their spring recital. I remember the first time, when I was 16. I went with Sara and Eric and on the way home Sara and I could not stop talking about how good they were and how we were SO going to be in that choir!! I was determined to be in it the next year, but I was too busy. It would have had to have been a choice between that or dance, and you all know which one I would choose!! Sara joined it last fall though, and I can at least go see her in it! I think it's awesome. I wish I had enough time to do both that and dance. I wish I had enough time to do a million different things really... but God's got in under control, and where I am is where He's called me to be. I can be confident that whatever other good things there are out there that I missed doing, it wasn't God's plan for me, and it wouldn't have worked out.

I am going to be in the OU choir next fall, though. I don't believe it will take up so much time. Yay!

AAUUGGGHH!!! College!! Scary... being 18 is scary enough.

Some good verses for today:

Jeremiah 29:11-14b
"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you search for me with all your heart. I will be found by you,' declares the Lord."

Philippians 4:6-7
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, with prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Isaiah 41:13
"For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you."

Psalm 46:10
"Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."

Rev. 21:4
"He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."

Prayer is good!

2005-04-05T18:50:00.000-05:00

Hey guys. Well, you know my great grandma that I was telling you about, the one who was really sick? Well, she died today a few hours ago. She's definitely in a better place! I'm sort of weird, I've never cried at funerals or when a relative dies (although, I haven't had any close relatives or friends die, in which case I'd probably be crying!). I mean, they're in a much better place than I could imagine, and I'll see them again. I know when I die, I'd want everyone to celebrate because I'd be in a better place. I'd probably be in Heaven dancing, and I'd want them to join in.

But anyway, we'll be heading up sometime this week for the funeral, I'm not sure when. I think the funeral might be on Saturday, though, which wouldn't be good because then we'd be missing the last troupe Saturday practice before some big performances. I have this fear that I wouldn't be able to be in those performances because of missing it, and that would be awful, at least for Hannah and me. But you know what? God will work it all out, so I don't have to worry. I can at least be thankful that we won't be going to Missouri DURING those performances! Thank you, Lord, for Your perfect plan. Hmm... that reminds me of a certain verse in Jeremiah that happens to be one of my favorites. ;)

At least I've been practicing a lot. Today I spent two hours practicing. Fun. Actually, what's strange is that for me it IS fun. And I always feel so much better after practicing. Whenever I go a day without practicing, or at least stretching, I feel like a couch potato!

So, back to my main topic, we would really appreciate your prayers this week! Thanks. I'll get back to y'all with more details about when we'll be gone.

Personality tests and all that fun stuff

2005-04-04T17:11:00.000-05:00

Hiya! Hmm... that's sounds sort of like I'm doing karate or something. HiYA!!!

Hmm... insanity is kicking in. Anyway, just for fun, I thought I'd share with you my results to two personality tests. You will probably be bored, but since you probably are anyway with all my long posts I figured it wouldn't hurt my situation any more than it already is. :D

#1: The DISC test — our church's favorite, have you noticed? I swear I've done it at least 5 times. In Plasma, in shepherding groups, you name it. I've always gotten pretty much the same thing: I'm a C/S. Haha, not too surprising. For those of you who don't know what it is, DISC stands for 4 different personality types: Dominant/Direct/Driver, Influential/Interactive, Steady/Supportive, and Cautious/Critiquer. The words aren't great descriptions. Here's how I describe them:
D: The take-control, outspoken, agressive, leader type. Tends to dominate in a room.
I: Tends to be popular, "in," talkative, wears feelings on sleeve. A people-person.
S: Gentle, willing, soft-spoken, sympathetic, emotional.
C: Thinkers. Analytical, perfectionists, logical, modest, respectful, restrained, idealistic.

I scored:

D: 0
I: 4
S: 8
C: 12

Lol, no D's. No surprise there. Here's the summary (take it with a grain of salt—half of it isn't true of me at all!):

Cautious/Steady

"As a Cautious/Steady person you are systematic and precise. You follow rules and procedures. You are very conscientious. You are extremely careful in your attention to detail and accuracy. You want your life and surroundings to be stable and predictable. You are most comfortable with a defined plan of action. You want to know all the rules and/or facts pertaining to the job and how the job is evaluated. You take small risks only if the data proves your decision is sound. Normally, you don't take risks at all. You excel in any area requiring facts, research, consistent work habits, and analysis. You become a specialist in your field. As a Cautious/Steady person you like to know what's going on, and not be surprised. Your judgment of others is based on your rules, the person's accomplishments, and whether or not they allow you to remain in a stable environment. You evaluate yourself by what you do, and not who you are. You need to hear sincere compliments from people you trust.

"As a Cautious/Steady perosn you are indirect, somewhat controlling but can be supportive. You are more task than people oriented. You appear shy or reserved. Your life is very neat and organized. Generally speaking, you get along well with others. You are good natured, due to the influence of the Steady. You may be so caught up in a cause that you neglect your family. Your drive causes you to be stressed out much of the time. You need to learn to relax."

Lol... so that is NOT that true of me. A lot of it is, and a lot of it isn't. I do like good surprises. I don't evaluate other people based on their whether or not they allow me to remain in a stable environment. That's kind of weird. No one would fit that bill all the time. The whole second paragraph is not true for the most part, except that to some I'm shy and reserved and I do tend to get along with others. I would NEVER get so caught up in a cause that I neglected my family!!! And I'm not stressed out too much of the time.

On the other hand, they were very right when they said that tend to I evaluate myself by what I do, and not by who I am. And I'm not a risk-taker, and I'm analytical and a perfectionist, definitely. I think I must have just enough of the "I" mixed in to balance out a bunch of the stuff they were saying I was supposed to have.

The other test, really quick: I'm not sure what it's called, but I came out with a more accurate description, I think. In this one, I'm an ISFJ which stands for Introversion/Sensing/Feeling/Judging.

You could be any combination of the four choices of extravert or introvert, sensing or intuition, thinking or feeling, and judging or perceiving.

Here's my "type":

ISFJ

"Quiet, friendly, responsible, and conscientious. Committed and steady in meeting their obligations. Thorough, painstaking, and accurate. Loyal, considerate, notice and remember specifics about people who are important to them, concerned with how others feel. Strive to create an orderly and harmonious environment at work and at home."

Actually, I can't think of anything there that doesn't fit my personality!

So, if any of y'all have done any of these tests, I want to hear what you are!! I have some papers that you can borrow if you want to do them.

Oh, one more thing.

2005-03-31T22:16:00.000-06:00

We just found out this week that my Great Grandma Ruth fell or something last week and then got pneumonia. She's around 90 years old and she has not been doing very well ever since my great grandpa died in 1999. Right now things really aren't looking good, and we're pretty much on call for awhile in case we have to go up there. She might pull out of this, but it's very likely that she won't.

I actually think that maybe it's her time. I mean, she missed Grandpa so much and she's just not happy here anymore. I love my great grandma. She loves us to death, but even so she is kind of a hard person to like sometimes. So her dying would effect me in a way, but still I know she's going to a better place. And maybe it will be easier for my relatives who live around her, like my Grandma and Grandpa, who would be stressed out enough just taking care of each other. Man, that sounded bad. I didn't mean it like that. As I said, I love her, we all do, and we'll miss her. It's just that maybe it's God's time.

So, your prayers would be appreciated. Mainly, that God would do his will and take her when it's his timing and help it be peaceful for her. Or let her live awhile longer. And if He chooses to take her sooner rather than later, that he would time it right so that it would be a good time for us to go up there. As in not Saturday, because we have a very important troupe practice. I feel so bad saying that, it sounds so selfish. But whatever the case, just pray that God would work it all together for good, I guess. Thanks!

What a week.

2005-03-31T21:40:00.001-06:00

I am SO exhausted! This has been a very long and tiring week, but it hasn't been as bad as I thought it would be for the most part.

So this week was that government program thing at the capitol that I was telling y'all about earlier. I've been having to wake up at 6 am every morning and I've been getting to bed later than I should have (which is usually about the time I go to bed anyway—11). The classes have lasted from 8:45 to 3 pm, and they've been really exhausting. I'm glad I did them, though. I learned a WHOLE lot about government, and I acquired somewhat of an interest in politics. Which is still not very much (grr... I've NEVER liked politics), but I do appreciate it more now. The first day was not very great, but each day got better. Today was actually a lot of fun. We also had our little "graduation" ceremony. It was held in the Senate chambers. We got to sit at the senators' desks and have our own mock senate, like we have been doing all week, just not in the actual Senate room! Then all the elected officers gave speeches and we received certificates. It was really nice.

We've had some HILARIOUS bills in our mock senate. One person stole Sara's cat-extermination bill, and that one got passed with flying colors. However, someone else's bill to make pink the state color and make every person wear pink one day a month got voted down. Today in my committee we came up with our own bill. It was for us all, staffers and students, to go out to Starbucks after graduation. What's more, since one of the staffers detests coffee, we made it mandatory for all staffers to get a coffee drink, especially if they have curly, dark brown hair and they're from Texas. :D We had so much fun with that one. All the other committees at their own tables were wondering why we were laughing so hard, I think. They found out at one of the mock legislature sessions we had that day. It was very well received, and since the director of the class was out of the room, we made an amendment so that he would have to pay for everyone's drinks. It passed unanimously.

Practically all our bills that we wrote had to be serious, though, unless you were an alumni. That stank. I wanted to write something funny. I ended up with an amendment to a real state law, changing that only front passengers had to wear seat belts to ALL passengers have to wear seatbelts. However, something came up that really bugged me at the class. Apparently, all of the staffers believed that it was not the role of the government to protect the people from themselves! So everyone not only voted down the bill, they made a new bill (that got passed) to eliminate seatbelt laws altogether. I'm not upset over what happened with my bill at all, but I AM upset with how they throughout the week tried to push their opinions on everyone and argued that those opinions were from the Bible without giving any solid proof. My Dad and I talked a lot about this after the first night, and he could run circles around all their arguments. To tell you the truth, their logic does not make sense to me. They said that because a person deciding to wear a seatbelt won't hurt anyone else but himself, that that would not be the role of the government as an upholder of justice. What!?! I totally disagree. That's sounds eerily like those that talk about a women's "right to choose!" You CAN'T SAY that a person's decision will only effect themselves. EVERYTHING someone does effects someone else. You can't get around it. For instance, if a mother or father decides to not wear a seat belt, gets in a car accident and dies, that would have a DRASTIC effect on their family. And what about an even more immediate effect: What if the person that dies because of not wearing a seatbelt is a pregnant mother? I actually asked this to one of the staffers and she couldn't give an answer. Wow, I'm glad I have Dad around. But sigh... not this weekend. He took Eric and my car up to Missouri, and he won't be back until Monday.

Well, I need to go! I need to get good sleep tonight. Tomorrow is one of the most dreaded parts of the week: the speech class. AAAAAUUUGGGGHHHH!!!!!

Yo, homies.

2005-03-24T22:52:00.000-06:00

That was really Rachel-esque, was it not? Yeah, as you all know, I go around saying that all the time.

Well, guess what?? I'M HAPPY!! I told you all I'd write when I was happy! So THERE.

Hmm... now that I'm writing, what should I write about? Let's see....

We died Easter eggs tonight. It was fun! I love doing it, it's a tradition around our house. I think I made some of the best I've ever done before. My favorites were one that was sapphire blue, one that was a rainbow (I dipped different colors on different layers), and especially one that I made to look like a sunset. I also made a burgundy/mauve-ishy one, and I also attempted to make one the color of my eyes. Ha. Like that would work... I have really weird eyes. I ended up using like blue, purple, turquoise, orange and green for my egg, and that was the closest it got.

I'm so excited. Jackie, Jordan and I are making up a dance to (hopefully! if the audition goes well!) dance at our graduation ceremony! We're doing it to a song called "Seasons" by our friends' Dad (all you church people, remember Eric? The tall guy? It's his Dad). It's going to be so pretty. The cool thing is, it took us only a few weeks of meeting once a week to choreograph the whole thing! Well, I guess I shouldn't say "us," because it was so totally God. It was amazing. We made sure to pray each time. Hehe... sometimes we'd start trying to choreograph and 15 minutes into it we'd reach a dead end before we realized we forgot to pray! Wow, it was all God. I love that.

Speaking of which, you all should come to our graduation. It's on May 19th, I think. Just to let ya know.

This is crazy, I still can't believe I'm graduating. It's so strange. It doesn't seem that long ago when I started highschool. And now I'm about to turn 18.... You know, I used to get really depressed about that, ever since I was really little to right before I started my senior year. I didn't want to grow up. I still don't. I love being a child, being so carefree. A child's heart is such a beautiful thing. It's so full of imagination and discovery. I don't want to lose that, ever. I've always had an insanely huge imagination, and that is so important to me. I used to be so afraid of growing up and losing that that I'd have to have these practically annual tearful hour-long talks with Mom. But you know what? That doesn't bother me anymore. God created me the way He did, and I know I'm never going to lose the personality He gave me. And what gives me the most hope is the thought of Heaven: that however Heaven will be, it will be much better than anything I can imagine, and that anything good and true that I can imagine—anything that God has given me a longing for—will be there in Heaven, in a much better form. I know that in Heaven, I'll be a child again. I think I'll be many different ages all at once, and everything good about each age will be there.

That's so fun to think about! I love thinking about Heaven... it always blows my mind.

OH!! Guys, I don't know if you all know this, but okay, I just spoke earlier about Eric and his dad. Well, their whole family is coming down from St. Louis for Easter!!!! They're coming Saturday afternoon, and leaving Monday morning. It's going to be a blast!! Everyone be sure to welcome them at church! They're all so cool, and I have to say they're probably the people that act themselves more than anyone else I know. They are on the inside what they are on the outside! I think that is so cool, and that's why I think you all will like them. I'll warn you though: they're TALL!!!! Eric's 18 and he's six foot six or so. Christian, 17, is about six foot 4 or 5. Lisa, 15 I think, is around or over six feet, and Mary, who's 13 I think, is up around there now. Pretty crazy. Just thought I'd warn you. Oh, and last time I saw Eric, he'd grown his hair out to his chin. So don't freak. :D They rock!

We're doing something a little strange: we're celebrating Passover on Easter!! That's something we've never done before, but we really wanted to get our friends from MO down to celebrate it with us and it's the only time we can do it. Actually, once I get used to the idea, it will probably be really cool. Maybe I'll be able to see Passover (or Easter) in a different light.

I love Passover! It's definitely a family tradition that I will keep doing with my kids and grandkids and so on. Our Haggadah (it's pretty much the handbook for the seder) is from a Messianic Jewish congregation, so it includes all this stuff about Jesus that is SO cool. It's amazing to see how this tradition that the Jews practiced for hundreds of years before Christ is so symbolic, so prophetic (is that a word?) of Jesus' death. It has such a beauty to it. I think it would be awesome if everyone celebrated Passover (from a Christian perspective) at least once! It makes you view Christ in a whole new way. YAY!! I can't wait!

Hehe... one of the benefits of having a Passover seder every year is the food. I LOVE having matzah around the house (I hope I spelled it right!). It's the unleavened bread that is used. It's so good! I can't wait until Mom makes the kharoset. It's this DELICIOUS dip for the matzah that's used in the seder. It has cut up apples and all sorts of spices in it... mmmm. Yum! Oh, and for the Passover dinner, we always have matzah ball soup... wow. If you guys haven't tried that, you're missing out. It's like REALLY good dumplings... sort of... well, it's GOOD.

Okay, it's getting really late, and I'm thinking entirely too much about food right now. ;) Time for bed! Oh, one more thing: I've started reading Mere Christianity. Just thought I'd prepare you, because I'll most likely be sharing a bunch of cool stuff I find! Hey, where'd you all go? I guess that was enough to strike fear into any heart. Well, if any of you are still around, go you. You rock.

NOW it is time for me to go off into the wide blue yonder... sleep... is good....

Rache

ANOTHER one?

2005-03-22T22:01:00.000-06:00

Yep, it's another prayer request! I'm very overwhelmed right now. I have so much to think about and I'm worrying too much. Some of what I'm worried about, like my government class thing next week, and its dress code, has to do with just me. Other stuff might slightly concern me, but it isn't something I should be worrying about, because I'm not in control of it. Like, it's something that really someone else in the family should be taking care of, but I have this tendency to take a problem that's floating around and make it my own, if it concerns me in the slightest bit. And then, I sometimes get obsessed with trying to make everyone happy, so I grill myself over the slightest mistake and commit myself to stuff that I'll overwhelm myself doing. I'll get it done, but I'll make myself miserable in the process. Which is really stupid, because all I need to to is give it to God, and then I won't have to worry about it anymore.

I can't go into detail about all the different problems I'm dealing with right now (there are, like, 20), but I will say this: I shouldn't be dealing with them. I need to give them all to God, and I need to leave some of them well enough alone in the hands of others.

You know, I think the thing God has been trying to instill in me this whole school year is joy. I've certainly failed a bunch of the tests He's given me, so I'd really appreciate your prayers now. Thanks guys.

And, I just wanted to let you know, I do have a tendency to write when I'm feeling down. So I hope you guys don't think I'm depressed or anything—I'm not. You guys know me, and if I act my usual happy self around you, it's because I AM happy. It's just that I think I've been on some sort of roller coaster for the past year, and although my ups are definitely longer and much much higher than my downs, I tend to write when I'm at my lowest. Just thought I'd make sure you knew. :) Seriously, I'll try to write when I'm happy, too.

Oh my gosh, have you noticed how many "I's" are in this post? I think about myself WAY too much. I'm so doggone selfish. I keep thinking that sometime maybe God will take some of that selfishness away like I've been asking Him to, but I have a feeling it won't be completely gone until heaven. Since selfishness is practically the sin all other sins come from anyhow. Okay, I'm done talking about myself now.

Guys, if you have any prayer requests of your own, tell me! I hate asking you guys all the time and never returning the favor. :)

Feeling Frustrated

2005-03-21T16:45:00.000-06:00

Ok, this post is for the girls. Guys, read on if you like, but at your own risk, lol!

Here is the reason I'm feeling frustrated: CLOTHES. Grrr.

First of all, I'd like to say that I'm very careful about what I wear. The last thing I want to do is to be a stumbling block for guys around me. Sometimes it can be so hard, though! There's, like, nothing out there in my size that is made to be modest! Needless to say, that's the main reason I'm not crazy about shopping. We're always out for hours and hours and hours, and we always come home with maybe 2 things. Or nothing.

But this month we ran into a real problem: we're going to a homeschool week-long government class thing at the state capitol, and they have a dress code. When I heard about that, I was like, dress code? No problem! Right... then I took a closer look. First of all, no tank tops or cap sleeves. In other words, no short sleeves. That only about made me panick... most of my stuff is short-sleeved! Everything that is decently cool enough for late March is. And then, they said we have to look very professional (guys in suits and everything). So that effectively ruled out all my shirts. Then, we absolutely have to wear skirts (no pants of any kind for the girls... why is that? And why do I get the feeling that it's a little legalistic?), and the skirts have to be mid-calf-length or lower, preferably lower. Most of mine are mid-calf-length, but some of them don't meet the requirement of going lower than your knees when sitting. Most longs skirts don't fit me well. So time to go shopping again.

After a day's work, I ended up with 2 of those 3-quarter-length sweaters (a white one and a red one) and some tank tops to go under them, as well as a cute black skirt that quite fit the code.

Well, that was last week. Today Mom reviewed the code and noticed something else: nothing tight or form-fitting. I had skimmed over that earlier, because I don't wear tight or form-fitting stuff! Gross. But she thought and thought... and decided that some people might consider my sweaters form-fitting. It took me a LONG time to see what she was seeing, let me tell you. She told me point-blank that I tend to wear form-fitting things, and I burst into tears because I thought I had been immodest all my teenage years and didn't know it. But apparently we had different definitions of form-fitting! I had always considered "form-fitting" as tight. I, frankly, think that I don't have to completely hide the fact that I'm of the female gender to be quite modest. But as she explained, a few people out there might consider "form-fitting" to be anything that shows that I have a female form. "So then," I asked her, "if they wanted me to wear a trash bag, why didn't they say so?" Since that's the only thing out there for girls my size that would not be "form-fitting." Grr... it's so frustrating!! And then we figured out that on top of my sweaters being "form-fitting," my white one is slightly transparent, another no-no, and then all those tanks I wear under my sweaters, well, someone might think they were underwear or something... I was astounded at that revelation. I mean, it's called layers! It is THE way to be modest today, because there's nothing else out there. I think it's very modest! It more than covers, and I wear it loose (apparently still "form-fitting," though)! And if they rule out that, too, then what are we supposed to wear?

I'm just about to go out of my mind. Now that we've effectively ruled out all my clothes and all the stuff in the stores today, can anyone tell me how to find some clothes for next week??

It's late, and I should be asleep, but....

2005-03-21T00:31:00.000-06:00

I thought I'd share this really cool song with you all. First, before I write the lyrics, I want to say: I am not sad or depressed or anything! Actually, this past week has been one of the best in this year! I'm sort of at a mountaintop... but it's these times when I actually need to remind myself that no matter how happy I am here, it's really nothing compared to what God has in store. Sometimes, if I get too caught up in being happy with the things around me, I forget that God is the one that made me happy in the first place. I still need to have at least a little pain, a little feeling of the cruelty of this world. I need to have that longing for Him. So even when I'm so happy, this song that I'm about to write down connects with me deeply.

By the way, don't watch the music video. It scared me, seriously. It took me awhile to get over that, but now the song's one of my favorites.

"Light Up Ahead"
by Further Seems Forever

Take this heart of darkness
I give it up
and all the emptiness
You fill it up
the times that I feel nothing
You bring enough
so I can live for something
You lift me up!

and all these bad dreams
I wake up to the light
and when I can't see
I wake up to Your eyes
Wake me up!

there's a light up ahead
there's a light up ahead
there's a light up ahead (here we are)
there's a light up ahead (here we are)

it gets so complicated
if you live enough
turn into what you hated
you're breaking up
the times I feel like nothing
You bring enough
so I can live for something
You lift me up!

It's a new layout!

2005-03-20T17:44:00.000-06:00

That's right everyone, it's time for a different layout! I've decided that I like so many of their templates I'm going to keep changing it to a different one every so often just to make it more interesting. :D

Quiz thing I found on Sara's blog.

2005-03-16T16:07:00.000-06:00

Voilà:

Ten random things about me:

1) I love St. Patrick's Day!!!!
2) I have to go get my allergy shots in 2 minutes.
3) Like Sara, I love crazy colorful socks. Especially dancing in them.
4) One of my favorite Celtic bands has the name "Old Blind Dogs."
5) I'm turning 18 on April 25.
6) I have a HUGE imagination
7) I talk to the little green men.
8) #7 was a joke.
9) I'm allergic to watermelon.
10) One of my favorite verses is Zephaniah 3:17. Especially the version where it ends "He will dance over you with shouts of joy as on a day of festival."

Nine ways to win my heart (Win my heart? AUUUGGGHHH!!! Not at this age! No, don't even think about it hehe. But I guess I'll tell you anyway...):

1) By loving God more than me (and having a very strong relationship with Jesus)
2) Integrity
3) By being sensitive to the feelings of others.
4) By having a respect for me and for others, especially authority figures in his life (this includes nice chivalry type stuff... I love it when guys open doors for me and things like that!)
5) By having a wonderful sense of humor, but not at the expense of others (teasing is fine, as long as it isn't hurtful. See #3!)
6) By having a heart that is ready and willing to serve.
7) By being humble
8) By being willing to listen
9) By being a good, strong leader without being bossy

Eight things I want to do before I die:

1) Live in Ireland and/or Scotland for at least a year.
2) Lead a close friend to Christ.
3) See God do some amazing things with my love for dancing.
4) Sing a solo sometime... can't guarantee it would sound all that great, though.
5) Become (God-willing!!) really good at all the different forms of dancing I do (plus some more... I want to try Highland sometime). Not for my own glory.
6) Stay at our friends' house in St. Louis without getting asthma.
7) Go through the mountains without getting carsick.
8) Make sure ALL my friends and my family know I love them a lot a WHOLE lot.

Seven things that annoy me:

1) My selfishness.
2) People who are content with being shallow.
3) Christians who are too legalistic and judgmental.
4) Christians who are too liberal.
5) Whenever I get tongue-tied (it's usually when I start thinking, "I'm not going to get tongue-tied!")
6) When Christians think all dancing is bad (thankfully, I haven't been all that exposed to this!).
7) Rhymes and clichés in Bible studies! (LOL, you know what I'm talking about Plasma people!!) Here's the worst I've found so far—it just about made me gag: "God's solution is plain: Don't repress it; confess it! Don't conceal it; reveal it. Revealing your feeling is the beginning of healing." That's from "The Purpose Driven Life," which we're going through in Plasma right now. It's a good book, but man, if you want clichés and cheesy rhymes, that's where you need to go! Not to mention all the different versions of the same question....

Six things I love to do:

1) Be with my friends
2) DANCE!! And choreograph....
3) Read the Bible
4) Listen to music
5) Sing
6) Compose music on the piano and hammered dulcimer

Five things I'm afraid of:

1) Hurting someone else.
2) Being alone... if no one else cared for me.
3) Someone I love not loving me back.
4) Being attacked by Satan and his demons, but I know Who's stronger.
5) Bugs. :D

Four of my favorite things:

1) My Bible
2) All my journals (I've kept a journal since I was 8!)
3) Magaidh, Màiri, Colin, and Niall (my dance shoes!)
4) My cds (if you haven't noticed, I'm sort of cheating by making things plural—it's too hard to decide!!)

Three things I do everyday:

1) Think (too much)
2) Dream
3) Talk to God

Two things I want to do right now:

1) Be in Heaven!
2) Lie around the house since it's my only day free for months.

One person I want to see right now.

1) Jesus

Update on that one guy!

2005-03-16T12:41:00.000-06:00

You know, I really pride myself in having such descriptive titles.

Haha.

So, anyway, an update! Thank you all SO MUCH for praying! Our conversation pretty much ended Sunday, but it ended very well. He didn't fall to his knees and accept Christ or anything, but I wasn't expecting that at all. Hopefully though, God willing, it brought him a step closer. Basically, about halfway through the conversation I decided to REALLY pour the love on (lol!), because I didn't want him to mistake my tone for anger. I had hoped that he wouldn't, but it's sort of hard to tell tone of voice in writing! I decided I'd leave no room for imagination and make the tone as kind as I possibly could. I thanked him for asking such wonderful and important questions, and told him how much I was enjoying the opportunity to discuss this with him, and wondered at the amazing fact that even with fundamentally different beliefs, two people can have an enjoyable dialogue. Then I went on to respond to his previous post, keeping with that same tone, and responding to generalizations about Christians, taking them as personal references to myself (you say Christians are arrogant and think of everyone else who doesn't believe the same thing as less than dirt? I'm SO sorry if I've given you that impression of me! My goal is to be like Christ, and he never acted that way, and I hope that I wouldn't, either... etc.). Then it was like the "room" got a thousand times brighter. He immediately started copying my tone, and spoke with respect. After awhile, we ended the conversation, both of us thanking the other for such an enjoyable discussion, and for opening up new perspectives to each of us. I hope he got a really good dose of biblical Christianity. If he did, it would have been all God's doing. As for me, I definitely learned a lot about talking to others about my faith, especially in the realm of apologetics. I learned some of the arguments that are commonly made, and how to respond to them. I'm really interested in this now. Today I'm going to start reading C.S. Lewis' Mere Christianity, and Dad's shown me a lot of other books that I'd love to read sometime. So God used this not only to reach out to someone else, but also to instill in me a new interest!

The other guy was really the one who ended the conversation, but I sort of had the last word. I told him how much I enjoyed discussing this with him, and if he ever wanted, he should feel free to private message me over the site and continue the discussion. So keep praying, y'all! :-D

On another note, tomorrow's St. Patrick's Day! This is a truly wonderful holiday: Christian and Irish! Celtic Christianity is really beautiful, if you haven't noticed. I'm not talking about Catholics or Protestants here, I'm talking about before that. St. Patrick's time and on. They sort of came at Christianity from a different perspective. I think they really grasped the deep beauty of Christ's death and resurrection. Think of hymns like "Be Thou My Vision," one of my favorites. Have you ever stopped to listen, really listen, to the words? It is SO powerful. I can just imagine someone singing that for the first time in Ireland or Scotland. It's so Celtic, yet the themes are universal Christian themes. It is a simply beautiful hymn. As a matter of fact, I think that Celtic Christians, having grasped the beauty of their Lord and what He had done, held beauty very highly. That's why so much that they did, a lot of which we still see today—books, Celtic crosses, music, dance, all of their forms of art—is very beautiful. One of the ways they worshipped God was through beauty. I think we could learn a lot from them, really. We, as modern evangelical Christians in America, have often forgotten beauty, I think. We are content to think in beige. I have even heard the argument that we, as Christians, should keep from making things beautiful, because then we would worship the beauty itself instead of God. I disagree! I think that, if it is something we have committed to God (which should be everything), it should reflect Him and His beauty. We can worship Him THROUGH beauty, and I believe He delights in that.

Now, I do have to make a distinction between two different forms of this. First, there's worshipping him through the beauty He has made in His creation. I'll call this "natural beauty." Another kind of worship through beauty is by making or creating things ourselves, as an act of worship to Him. In this case, He's really the one doing the work through us, and we rejoice in the fact that the talents He has given us are being used for His glory. We "work at them with all our hearts," and what we end up with is something beautiful for God. Maybe it will help others to worship God, too. Maybe it will help them see Him in a way they hadn't before. This, I'll call "crafted beauty."

I guess a practical example of this would be... ahem... church buildings. *Controversial topic! * Controversial topic!* I know, but I feel like being controversial today. It's alright if you disagree, this is just my opinion. Okay, so our church. It used to be a Rec Center, I think. There's only so far you can go with that, and they've done a pretty darn good job. But I personally would have really liked it if they at least made an effort to make the worship center more beautiful. I mean, the walls are beige slabs. There's really nothing about the room that pulls on my heartstrings. Maybe it would be better if they added more greenery or something, I don't know. I think it definitely was better when they added the cross. But still, I can't understand it. Especially when you compare it to the women's upstairs bathroom. Someone donated a lot of money to the women's upstairs bathroom, and it is one of the most elegant and nicest bathrooms I've seen! But frankly, I don't care a thing about how nice the bathroom looks if the rest of the church is one big beige box. I know, I know, I'm over-exaggerating here. There's no way we could make it into Notre Dame Cathedral or anything—as a matter of fact I think that would be wrong. It took at least a lifetime to build that cathedral, and it made many people poor. There are money issues that have to be dealt with, and I know that the church is very wise with how they use their money. It might not be possible or RIGHT to put money into making the church beautiful. But I wonder if they even consider it an issue, with some of the stuff I've heard people say.

Although, on second thought, I do have to say that our church definitely does appreciate "natural beauty." There are many examples, but I'll point out one: Every Sunday in big church they have that screen that has the words to the songs on it up at the front. Last year, I think, they started putting a beautiful picture of God's creation behind the words. I think for a while now it's been a mountain peak at night (it looks suspiciously like the Grand Teton mountain in Wyoming!), surrounded by bright stars. It's really beautiful, and it's something that makes me want to praise God. I really appreciate that!!

But anyway, now you've heard my opinion! That was my big long rant, and if you stayed to hear the end, congratulations. You won. You'll get... um... something. Maybe. Uh... guys, I have to go....

Wow, two posts in one day.

2005-03-12T21:43:00.000-06:00

I certainly never thought that would happen! K, now I'll tell you why: I have a prayer request! See, I get on this one message board, and an atheist asked a bunch of questions about God and Christianity. So I started up this dialogue with this one guy where he's asking questions (or stating assertions!) and I'm responding from an evangelical Christian perspective. I've been trying to make my responses as biblically based and easy to understand as possible without losing the amazing beauty of the theological points (LOL, I feel the thinker "C" side of me kicking in... remember the DISC test?). Most of all, I'm trying to show the love of Christ to this person in the way that I talk to him, especially since he has been responding very aggressively to me. Hmm... reminds me of a message that we heard at church recently. About people knowing us by our love! Anyway, this has gone on continuously for a few days now, and I really need your prayer that whatever I write comes straight from God and that this person's heart would be moved by God's truth. I realize that it is not my job to bring this person to Christ, but that the Holy Spirit will move him in His timing. But if God can use me to nudge this person one step closer, that would be awesome!

I'm so thankful for Dad. He's been giving me lots of really good advice about things to bring up and how to respond. Sometimes it really amazes me how smart he is! Also what's really cool is that God has been bringing to mind a lot of different analogies and images I can use to describe certain aspects of Christianity. Some of them I heard really recently (like at our Worldview study) and some of them I haven't heard for years. It's definitely God!

One thing that's not good is that because this is a forum, a few other people have been throwing out their opinions. We've had all sorts of conflicting views of "Christianity" from the idea that good works are part of what gets you to Heaven to the Catholic belief of purgatory. It's really frustrating when I write for a long time and try to keep it as Biblically-based as possible and then a bunch of other people saying they're Christians come in and contradict what I say, yet insist that they agree! And then they go even further and say that down deep, we really all agree and while we're at it, it's probably the same God that every religion worships anyhow! GRRR!! I really don't want to respond to each of these people because I don't want to make Christianity look like it's warring inside itself. Not a good example!

So yeah, I'd really appreciate your prayers. I need wisdom. I'm really having to rely on God for every single word, and I really want to help lead this person to the truth. I have a feeling that because of the way this person is responding, something has happened in his life that would make believing in Christianity emotionally difficult (like the death of a loved one—and the knowledge that if Christianity were true, this person would be going to Hell). He's stated that he was raised a Christian, so I think there must be some personal experience that he's shielding with his arguments (most of which are about the "unfairness" and "irrationality" of what he calls "good" people going to Hell). But I'm really encouraged by the fact that He's taking the time to have this conversation. Like Dad told me, if he really didn't feel the Holy Spirit convicting him on something, he would have left the conversation long ago.

Thanks guys!

A thought for today.

2005-03-12T09:26:00.000-06:00

I've been thinking... you know how when you finally think you've reached at least some level of maturity, you realize how naïve you really are? That's me right now (again). I can be so stupid sometimes. But if God is the only One who can save me from myself, I'll gladly run into His arms.

Green is a really nice color.

2005-03-11T16:45:00.000-06:00

I like it. It reminds me of... I bet you can't guess... Ireland! Dancing!! YAY!!!

No, this is not a permanent change. I did it in honor of St. Patrick's Day next week. A very legitimate excuse.

Oh, by the way, I put a picture in for my profile! If you look close enough, you can make out my face. What, you don't see me? Well, sorry. It must be your eyes! Go get them checked.

Okay, okay. Actually it's a picture of Loch Katrine in Scotland. A part of my clan (MacGregor) used to live there. I just thought it was pretty.

For some reason Blogger won't let me comment on anyone else's blogs today, so I thought I'd respond to Sara's, the post where she asked if anyone ever thought we were older than we are. Well, that doesn't usually happen to me! I think I look a couple years younger than I am, and most people when they compare Hannah and me think she's the older sister and I'm two years younger. I think Hannah sometimes is concerned that it hurts my feelings or something, but to tell the truth, I think it's just hilarious. I get a kick out of it every time it happens! Of course, I've got the good side: looking younger will be a VERY nice thing when we're forty years old!

Just kidding! Hmm... I think I'll talk about humility next week, right? ;-) Hehe... I'll probably look quite my age when I'm forty (or older than I am, more likely!). :-D

But anyway: Because 1. I'm short, 2. I just look young, and 3. I can be very goofy if I have a mind to (though people who compare on me on that to Hannah must not know Hannah!!!), most people think I'm younger. But not one particular time! I do have one story, Sara, and in my own loooooong roundabout way I'm finally going to tell you (though I'm sure you've heard it, like fifty million times)! Well, I was, like, 14 or 15 years old, and we went shopping at Ross. Susanna and I were outside the fitting room waiting for Mom to finish (Susie was 5 years old). The guy at the counter had been looking at us a little funny, and it was freaking me out. Finally he said, "Is that your daughter?" I just about screamed. "NO! She's my little sister!" Then he said, "Good, because if she were, I'd have to slap your parents for you."

So yeah. The whole exchange was rather on the freaky side. I was thinking later that if I had actually had Susie for a daughter, I would have been 9 1/2 when she was born, which obviously couldn't have happened! So therefore he must have thought I was at least 17 or so... but overall the fact that someone thought I was older didn't make up for the awful freakiness of it all. Not worth it. Grr.... That guy certainly had a lot of nerve to say that!

Sara, you know I've always thought the story about you and Ryan and Lora in McDonald's was absolutely hilarious. If you haven't heard it already, go read it on Sara's wonderful blog. The link is in the sidebar. Hehe... I know what you mean about Eric, Sara. It's always nice to have him with you at concerts... or restaurants... or stores... or anywhere! Sigh... I wish I had brothers!! Although, actually, I do... brothers in Christ! Thank you Stevo, Kev, Chris, both Calebs, and all the rest of my great guy friends! You guys rock.

You know what? I just read back over this whole post and came to the conclusion that you must have already come to: It's very weird. Like my mood right now. See ya!

YAY!!! God is so faithful!!

2005-03-09T16:16:00.000-06:00

Thank you all SO MUCH for your prayers and encouragement! Our performance was GREAT!! There weren't any big problems or mess-ups, and we were able to dance for God with the right attitudes! I think God stamp-back-shuffle-hop-backed Satan away from us. Hopefully we shone really bright for our audience!

I'm excited: no shin splints! They had one of those portable wooden floors put in for us! Woohoo!

Next week we have two performances, then the parade on that Saturday (the 19th)! YAAAAYYY!!! New prayer request: that it wouldn't be too cold!! Last year it was FREEZING. With a little rain! Brr.... Please, God, let it be in the 50's or 60's!

I'll see a lot of you tonight at Breakaway!

I need some prayer. And a hug, maybe.

2005-03-08T18:26:00.000-06:00

Okay. I know this will sound like complaining. But I'm telling you this because I need prayer.

Here's the deal. Saturday was wonderful. Troupe was great. We have a performance tomorrow and we're prepared. I especially loved this: instead of Bible study, we all did a "popcorn" prayer for the performance and all our other performances coming up. That was so wonderful. So yeah. I was pumped, ready to go. I knew God would be with us every step of the way, and I trusted in Him to prepare my heart for Wednesday.

Well, I think Satan took notice. I'm positive that He's been doing everything in His power to try and get me down. It started Sunday afternoon. There was a misunderstanding between Mom and me. I thought we were going on a quick trip to Walmart to get elastics for my dance shoes and to pick up a few other little things, and then we would go home for a nice relaxing afternoon in which I could get done what I needed to do. Well, we ended up being there for 4 hours. The worst part was, halfway through, my feet started aching (I was wearing flip-flops, with absolutely no support—as I said, I thought we would be out for 15 minutes!). Then the blister I got on the back of my heel started hurting so bad. And the worst part was that for some reason unbeknownst to me, Wal-Mart has taken out ALL their benches! So I had nowhere to rest my feet! I just about cried because my feet hurt so bad that I couldn't imagine dancing Wednesday. I really had to put my faith in God then, but it was hard!

Then, that night, I found out I'd offended a friend and hurt her feelings without even knowing it or meaning to. Of course I cried my eyes out. If any of you know me, that sort of thing really bothers me. Even the thought of hurting someone makes me heartbroken. We worked it out, by the grace of God, but I was a mess the rest of the night. Even thinking of it brings tears to my eyes now. But, I know God was teaching me something through that. Things like that happen. I need to let Him carry me when they do. A verse that REALLY helped me was Romans 5:2b-5: "And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit whom he has given us."

So I woke up the next morning and eventually I got over it and fully gave it up to God. That was the day when Mom did something wonderful! She let us off of all school besides TeenPact homework (which I feel so behind on...) so we could get the chores done we hadn't had time to do in weeks. I worked on cleaning my room. I got it done, but it was such a mess (I had scrapbooking stuff all over my floor—I'm finally putting in my Mexico pictures!) that it took practically all day. Part of the reason it took so long was that I kept getting distracted. It was infuriating! I think I know why that happened, too.

Today was not so good. I had to wake up early (for the past few nights I haven't been able to get very much sleep—another thing that's been weighing me down!). Then I had the big MOPs babysitting job all morning, which was hectic as usual. I got home and took a deep breath, then started school. I simply could NOT focus. It was sort of a blessing in disguise when my hammered dulcimer student called in sick (well, a blessing for me, but I feel awful for her—poor Katie! She's been sick for two weeks!). But I still haven't gotten all my school done. Finally I gave up and decided to save the rest for tonight, and practice dance for the rest of the afternoon. The good news: my pulled muscle is feeling a little bit better. The bad news: I messed up a heck of a lot more than normal. I couldn't get a single click in the middle of a dance and parts that I could do in my sleep I suddenly drew a blank slate on! And when I put on my hardshoes, my feet cramped so bad! I could barely get through a single dance. And then, after dancing for an hour, it was time to help Hannah with supper (she's on kitchen duty this week). I was fixing to go downstairs when I knocked my water glass off my desk and there went the water all over my hardshoes and softshoes and dance bag and everything! I scrambled to wipe it all off, and I'm now wearing my hardshoes in hopes that the water will mold them to my feet more.

Another thing: my stomach has been back to its old dirty tricks today and yesterday (because I had some salsa with onions in it—the week of a performance. I'm really smart, aren't I?). I haven't been able to stretch and do my crunches and situps like normal, and that's made me feel really yucky.

Tonight, I was going to have to re-duct tape my hardshoes (which takes about an hour), do the rest of my school, clean a bathroom, and somehow get a lot of sleep. Thank goodness for Mom. She said I didn't need to clean the bathroom after all and I only had to do my TeenPact homework. So it's all a lot better now. And I'm still trusting in God. He's SO faithful! I know His will will be done and everything will work out right. I think He's definitely helping me to handle this better than I'm making it sound! I just wanted to tell you the specifics so that you could be praying for me. So I'm sorry if I've sickened you with all this complaining!

Also, please pray for our whole troupe! I'm hoping they're doing all right, and that they're not being attacked like I am. Really, I think—no, I know—that this is spiritual warfare and that Satan really doesn't want tomorrow to work out. But God will make us strong enough, and I have no doubt that Satan won't have a chance! So please pray!

God is in control, and He is faithful! Thank goodness.

So yeah, I've finally decided to get back on again. WOW! It's a MIRACLE!

2005-02-28T19:56:00.000-06:00

No poetic sentimentality today! Sara started a blog, and I decided what the hey, I want one too, and what a revelation, I HAVE one already! So I'm just going to keep it going!

Hi everyone. Laugh all you want at my last post. I know it's long and weird, but remember, this is Rachel, She-Who-Is-Obsessed-With-Dance, so have mercy! Okay, so I'm not obsessed with dance. I just love it. A LOT. If I were obsessed with dance, it would get in the way of my relationship with God, and that would not be good. So THERE.

Okay, so this obviously isn't as creative a blog as Sara's, judging from the names:
Mine: Elwing's Flight (sentimental/serious name that I put a lot of reflective thought into)
Sara's: Of Dixie Chicks and Space Monkeys ('nough said. Oh, and for those of you who don't know, "dixie chicks" is Sara's name for not too bright blondes, like her.) (Okay, okay. Sara's not a dumb blonde. There's no such thing as a dumb blonde. Well, unless of course the blonde happens to be dumb.... Okay, I just proved it. There's such a thing called a dumb brunette!)

About the routine I rambled on about last time, I've managed to follow it somewhat well, though my schedule's changed a lot! Now I teach hammered dulcimer to a girl on Tuesday afternoons, and Monday nights I meet with Jackie and Jordan to choreograph a dance for our graduation. It rocks, but it's all God working it out! Like today, the reason I'm writing this and not dancing with them is because I was supposed to take Jordan to Jackie's house but she didn't come and I couldn't get in contact with her. Jordan, wherever you are, I HOPE YOU'RE ALRIGHT!! You've got me worried, girl! If they're keeping you late at work, I'll... I'll... do nothing. Sigh. I really am not the aggressive type. But put on your hardshoes and do a click a foot away from your boss, and maybe then he'll get the point. He'll probably fire you, too. So maybe that's not a good solution....

You guys won't believe this—okay, maybe you will—but Susie just paraded into my room dressed like a nun. She's wearing some black dress with Hannah's white shirt and black skirt stuck on her head, and a piece of costume jewelry (a necklace with a big cross) hanging from her neck. Oh my WORD it is hilarious. Sing with me, all together now: HOW DO YOU SOLVE A PROBLEM LIKE SUSAAAANNNNNNAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!! (You can unplug your ears now, if you're still conscious.) Hannah's taking a picture of it, it'll be up on our website soon, I'm sure. Which, if you haven't been able to check it out is: http://homepage.mac.com/kvmagruder/Menu21.html

By the way, if you go there, check out the video from our chemistry lab last Friday. We had fun blowing things up. I say to check out the video because then you get to see me in my top form making movie star faces at the camera. I'm so sorry, dahlings, but I shall not tell you about my next movie engagement. It's a secret... but, I will say this: it's big. You know, those big movies that come out that everyone's seen but me (uh, which is, about every movie out there)? It's like one of those. I play a very important character, but unfortunately she dies an unhappy and early death in the part where the evil man that tries to take over the univ—oh, uh, hi, Mr. Movie Director. I didn't see you come in. What? FIRED? MOI?? Impossible.... Really? WELL! We'll see if I do any more business with YOU!!

Sorry, going out of "Estelle Souchon" mode. For those of you who didn't know, our friends the Barfields and us made a movie a few years ago. It's a murder mystery/comedy, and I play "ze mahvelous Estelle Souchon, ZE actrice!" I had fun acting all ditzy and stuck up. Because, of course, EVERYBODY who's ANYBODY has heard of Estelle Souchon. Except... well... everybody. (Blatant advertisement: If any of you want to see that movie, tell me and I'll let you borrow it! It came out really well!)

Speaking of ditzy, guess what I did today? I broke a glass. See, I had been doing Niall O'Leary's reel around the house (if any troupers decide on a whim to come here they'll know what I mean). And opera singing. I was in the middle of the left foot, and Figaro's marriage to Ballerfontinettawhatchamacallita, when I heard, over the charming chaos, a noise. A scream! Of course, being the caring person I am, I went outside to see what was the matter! You won't believe what I saw. It was a girl and she was being kidnapped! Of course, I did what any other sane person would do, and fainted. Then, I got up, and ran to the car, opened the door, pulled the girl out, gave the kidnapper an Irish kick, and resumed dancing Niall O'Leary's reel on top of him. Then, when he fainted because of the fact that he was in the presence (or under the presence) of a real live Irish dancer, I ran over to the girl. Oh no! He had tied her up too tightly! And it was almost too late! I quickly untied all the knots and pulled off the ropes, and slowly, her pulse came back. After waking up, and thanking me ("my hero," she said!) for saving her life, she asked for a glass of water. So I ran in and got a glass of water for her. As I was rushing out to give her the water, though, the kidnapper guy woke up, and called in his giant flying green-with-pink-polka-dotted octopus. Before I knew what was happening, the octopus grabbed the glass in one arm and the girl in the other and was up and away! But I did a leap 2 3 really high, and I grabbed onto the octopus's back arm. When I threatened to do Niall O'Leary's reel on top of HIM if he didn't give me back the girl, and the water glass, he got scared and dropped both of them and went away and was never seen again (but he did drop by the ground first and took the kidnapper with him). So of course, I let go and fell down to where the girl and the water glass were, and caught them, and luckily for us I was wearing that one shirt of mine with the hidden parachute, so we floated down to the ground, safe and sound. Then I handed her the glass, but all of a sudden there was 2-second earthquake and lost my grip on it! It fell to the ground and BROKE!! HORROR OF HORRORS!! So that is why I broke a glass today.

Um, guys. I have a confession to make. The story I just told you? It's not true. None of it. I'm sorry to have decieved you. I know I was lying, and it was bad. I won't do it again. Here's the true story: I put the glass in the dishwasher, and shut the door, but the rack wasn't in all the way so the door bumped the glass and broke it. None of what I just said was involved was involved. No Niall O'Leary's reel. No marriage of Figaro. No giant flying green-with-pink-polka-dotted octopuses. And guys, you know what? I don't have a shirt with a parachute on it. I'm sorry. Please forgive me.

Okay, one more random fact of the day before I end this book: Just a few minutes ago the rest of my wonderful family was downstairs breathing helium and talking to each other in goofy voices. I am not making this up this time. Of course, if any of you know us, you'll know that I am so not making this up. That's the sort of thing that happens around here. Yay for my family! And now this is the end of today's 1500-page book. The End.

My first post!

2004-11-29T17:24:00.000-06:00

Hey. I'm Rachel. Or Raeniel, if you want to use my Elvish nickname. As you have probably guessed, I'm really into all things Tolkien. I love the story of Eärendil from the Silmarillion - it's so beautiful. If you haven't read it yet, you're missing so much! Sometimes I feel like Elwing, flying out over the sea, soaring to the ship of my love. Headed for beauty beyond compare. But right now, I'm still flying. So that's why I named this Elwing's Flight.

But be prepared, because if you're expecting a lot of sentimental thoughts and profound comments on life, they won't come very often. Most of the time I'll just be writing about things that I've been doing or things that I'm going to do. Just my life. So, it being my life, there will be some poetry and sentimental thoughts and stuff, but mostly just day to day stuff.

Alright? Alright. So let's get started.

So, Thanksgiving was last week, which means break! A break from school, and unfortunately, from dance (I'm an Irish dancer, and I also just started taking hip-hop and ballet this year). I can barely stand not dancing for a couple days, much less a whole week! And due to a hip that hurt's for some really strange reason, I haven't really been able to dance at home, either. Which can get really hard for someone who doesn't just walk around the house anymore! Not being able to dance around the kitchen while clearing off the table has been especially hard. Sigh.

But now that dance is starting again, and the pumpkin pie is gone, I can get back to my normal routine.

To help me with this, I'm making a plan for dance:

Sunday: Spend an hour to an hour and a half practicing in the afternoon, if there's nothing going on!
Monday: Day off, unless you didn't practice Sunday.
Tuesday: Spend an hour to an hour and a half practicing, if you're not babysitting in the morning.
Wednesday: Hip-hop class: 10-11, ballet class: 11-12
Thursday: Sr. Irish class (technique class) from 4:45-6:10
Friday: Day off!
Saturday: Celtic Praise Troupe practice! Time differs, but usually from 11 am - 4 pm.

And here's my schedule for practicing:

15 min. Warm Up:
Standing stretches
Sitting stretches
Practice splits. Straddle, middle, right, and left.

15 min. Floor Work:
25 crunches center
10 crunches right
10 crunches left
15 crunches with legs up
10 crunches right with legs up
10 crunches left with legs up
With legs in the air: 32 switches pointed, 32 flexed; 16 cts. slow butterflies, 16 fast butterflies.
30 pushups

10 min. Drills:
Circle feet
Rainbows
Point and flex
Brush-taps
Brush-outs
Trebles
Knee-ups
Cuts
Up and cuts
Flutters
Double cuts
At the end stretch leg up in knee-up position, then bring it back behind.

15 min. Dances:

Sunday/Monday: softshoe.
Faithful
"The Fairy Dance"
Boil the Breakfast Early
I Will Arise
And the new reel to Tam Lin!
Practice any new steps.

Tuesday: hardshoe.
St. Patrick's Day
Parade Dance
Next Generation
also do your rocks, and practice any new steps.

And there we go!

I think that's quite enough for now. ;-D

Rachel