An tiodhlac alainn
Okay. So... last time I posted I mentioned a "one thing in particular." Well, that one thing is pretty common knowledge now, and it's kind of late for it to be a surprise to most people, but I'll tell you all about it anyway, hehe, just in case you're not informed. This is really a major thing in my life right now and I just want to share how amazing God is with everybody. And also it might be good to share this so that no one misunderstands what's happened. Hmm... I'm trying to decide how to write it. It isn't really something that just "happened" out of the blue one day. It's been a slow but very good process... following God. Our whole lives are that sort of journey, really. Maybe the best way to tell you all would be to start at the beginning....
God is absolutely insanely incredibly FREAKIN AWESOMELY GOOD. And faithful. And powerful. And just all around... AMAZING. What He has been doing throughout the last couple of years in my life and the life of one of my best friends just astonishes me. How He has been working so intricately in our lives, guiding us in every step, through every trial and hardship, and also through the times of joy... through every new turn in our friendship, He has been there. Through every one of our failures and mistakes, He has been there to make good of it. When I look back, I see His hand at work in every little thing, bringing us both closer to each other... and through that closer to Him.
God must really have an awesome sense of humor. 3 years ago I would never have dreamed that what's happening now could be happening. I first met Stephen when I was 15, at my first CIY conference, an awesome Christian youth conference that the highschool youth group at our church goes to every year. Sara and I didn't know hardly anyone else at the time, but we decided to befriend/hang out with a few of the guys who looked a little alone, Stephen being one of them. That was one of the most awesome weeks of my life... I can hardly explain it, but that week I felt closer to God than I ever had before. I grew so much in Him, and at the same time I grew so much closer to my brothers and sisters in Christ. The two were so intertwined that you wouldn't be able to tell where one ended and the other began. It was all worshiping and glorifying Him.... God did incredible things that week, and that week, to me, was a taste of Heaven.
Well, heh, both of us were pretty darn immature then. I have to admit that at the end of the week, when Stephen confessed to me that he liked me as more than a friend, I didn't take it so well. Some of my reasons were good and some were not. First of all I had only known him for a week. 2nd, I didn't feel the same way. 3rd, that was when I was a staunch advocate of courting only... now I realize how legalistic my attitude was. I've changed so much since then... but I do think that God took my legalism and used it for good. Throughout my jr. high and highschool years I never had a boyfriend or anything, and I thank God that He protected me from all that until the proper time that He alone knew.
But anyway, I felt a little let down, too... I had just spent the most awesome week of my life with these incredible new friends... why did this have to be so complicated? Well, God had good reason for that, but I couldn't have imagined it at the time. Anyway, I'll spare you the details, but pretty much for at least a year we sort of masqueraded as "friends," though I was really avoiding him. I feel so awful about it now, but God knows His plans and maybe that was best for then.
About a year and a half later, however, Sara, awesome person that she is, started bringing a bunch of the guys we knew into our circle of sorts.... I don't know quite how it happened, but slowly but surely, we all started hanging out together and slowly but surely, Stephen and I started being friends again. That friendship kept growing until he became one of my closest friends. Last semester in particular God just used him so much in my life. If it weren't for him I don't know where I'd be now... I might not even be here. I don't know. But the thing is, God really uses Stephen in my life, but that's not the reason why I was his friend. I was his friend not because of what he did for me (though he certainly did a lot). I was his friend because I saw in him an incredible person more than worth knowing. As I got to know him more and more, I saw his strengths and weaknesses... I saw his mistakes and his flaws, but at the same time I saw Jesus reflected in him in a way I had never really seen in anyone before.
And now God has led us to a new stage in our friendship. I'm not quite sure when it happened, but the more I got to know him, the more God was changing my heart and making me fall for him... and the other way around, too, though I didn't know it, or maybe just refused to believe that it could be possible that he could be going through the same thing. Last December things got particularly difficult, though. Rumors about us were abounding, and well, there were a lot of problems, mainly stemming from the fact that we were both at our wit's end and just didn't know what to do... we were so close to each other yet so blind to one thing. The only thing either of us could do was to just seek God and trust in His perfect will. For hours, actually days, up until we met to discuss everything, we were both praying so hard—Stephen, for the right motives and for God to give him direction, and me... I don't know why I was praying, actually. I just felt like I needed to, so I did. And I was right... actually, God was right, hehe. God is amazing. He worked everything out for good.
Now this is the hard part, lol. How do I describe what our relationship is? It's not dating, it's not courting. I don't know if there is an English word for it, heh. You could definitely call us a "couple" now... definitely more than friends.... But I do know that this relationship, whatever it is, is one thing: led by God. That is our goal, our purpose throughout all of this. We are always doing our best to seek after His will for this. The amazing thing is, I never could really imagined how much God would do through this. Our relationship is such a beautiful gift from God. It doesn't distract us from Him at all... it's the opposite: It's been bringing us both so much closer to Him. I know without a doubt that we are glorifying Him, and so many times I've felt like I've never been more certain that I was right where God wants me to be. Sometimes I wonder how this could be happening... I feel so undeserving and unworthy. But I look at Stephen and just praise God with all I am... I thank Him for all He's done for me. For His goodness and faithfulness and for His perfect plan. Through Stephen I've been able to see God in an amazing way. I see reflected right before my eyes the ultimate story, the love of Christ for His church.
So that's what's really been going on with me recently, hehe. I think I should clarify a few things though, before I go. Stephen and I both know we're not at a point in our lives where we can get married or anything yet. But we both know that we are where God wants us. If God should one day move us apart, it will still have been more than worth it because it glorified Him. But anyway, we are taking things really slowly (or at least slowly for us... remember that not all people are the same). We want to serve each other and God, and we want to be very cautious, but at the same time, we don't want to pull back out of fear. So basically what it comes down to is following God. We are painfully aware that we are human and make a lot of mistakes, apart from God we're nothing, but we are trusting in God to be the strength in our weakness... we are trusting Him to lead us and guide our steps on this journey of life.
God is truly amazing. I really have no words to describe His goodness. I want you all to know that He is working everything together for your good... no matter what troubles or twists in life you might be going through, He will take them and weave them into something more beautiful than you could ever imagine. Our God truly is faithful, and I pray that if there's one thing you remember after reading this that that would be it. This is really a testimony to His faithfulness. Our God is an awesome God.
Dare You to Move, by Switchfoot
Welcome to the planet
Welcome to existence
Everyone's here
Everyone's here
Everybody's watching you now
Everybody waits for you now
What happens next?
What happens next?
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened before
Welcome to the fallout
Welcome to resistance
The tension is here
The tension is here
Between who you are and who you could be
Between how it is and how it should be
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened
Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?
Where you gonna go?
Salvation is here
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself
Lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened
Today never happened
Today never happened before
In Christ Alone,
Rachel
God is absolutely insanely incredibly FREAKIN AWESOMELY GOOD. And faithful. And powerful. And just all around... AMAZING. What He has been doing throughout the last couple of years in my life and the life of one of my best friends just astonishes me. How He has been working so intricately in our lives, guiding us in every step, through every trial and hardship, and also through the times of joy... through every new turn in our friendship, He has been there. Through every one of our failures and mistakes, He has been there to make good of it. When I look back, I see His hand at work in every little thing, bringing us both closer to each other... and through that closer to Him.
God must really have an awesome sense of humor. 3 years ago I would never have dreamed that what's happening now could be happening. I first met Stephen when I was 15, at my first CIY conference, an awesome Christian youth conference that the highschool youth group at our church goes to every year. Sara and I didn't know hardly anyone else at the time, but we decided to befriend/hang out with a few of the guys who looked a little alone, Stephen being one of them. That was one of the most awesome weeks of my life... I can hardly explain it, but that week I felt closer to God than I ever had before. I grew so much in Him, and at the same time I grew so much closer to my brothers and sisters in Christ. The two were so intertwined that you wouldn't be able to tell where one ended and the other began. It was all worshiping and glorifying Him.... God did incredible things that week, and that week, to me, was a taste of Heaven.
Well, heh, both of us were pretty darn immature then. I have to admit that at the end of the week, when Stephen confessed to me that he liked me as more than a friend, I didn't take it so well. Some of my reasons were good and some were not. First of all I had only known him for a week. 2nd, I didn't feel the same way. 3rd, that was when I was a staunch advocate of courting only... now I realize how legalistic my attitude was. I've changed so much since then... but I do think that God took my legalism and used it for good. Throughout my jr. high and highschool years I never had a boyfriend or anything, and I thank God that He protected me from all that until the proper time that He alone knew.
But anyway, I felt a little let down, too... I had just spent the most awesome week of my life with these incredible new friends... why did this have to be so complicated? Well, God had good reason for that, but I couldn't have imagined it at the time. Anyway, I'll spare you the details, but pretty much for at least a year we sort of masqueraded as "friends," though I was really avoiding him. I feel so awful about it now, but God knows His plans and maybe that was best for then.
About a year and a half later, however, Sara, awesome person that she is, started bringing a bunch of the guys we knew into our circle of sorts.... I don't know quite how it happened, but slowly but surely, we all started hanging out together and slowly but surely, Stephen and I started being friends again. That friendship kept growing until he became one of my closest friends. Last semester in particular God just used him so much in my life. If it weren't for him I don't know where I'd be now... I might not even be here. I don't know. But the thing is, God really uses Stephen in my life, but that's not the reason why I was his friend. I was his friend not because of what he did for me (though he certainly did a lot). I was his friend because I saw in him an incredible person more than worth knowing. As I got to know him more and more, I saw his strengths and weaknesses... I saw his mistakes and his flaws, but at the same time I saw Jesus reflected in him in a way I had never really seen in anyone before.
And now God has led us to a new stage in our friendship. I'm not quite sure when it happened, but the more I got to know him, the more God was changing my heart and making me fall for him... and the other way around, too, though I didn't know it, or maybe just refused to believe that it could be possible that he could be going through the same thing. Last December things got particularly difficult, though. Rumors about us were abounding, and well, there were a lot of problems, mainly stemming from the fact that we were both at our wit's end and just didn't know what to do... we were so close to each other yet so blind to one thing. The only thing either of us could do was to just seek God and trust in His perfect will. For hours, actually days, up until we met to discuss everything, we were both praying so hard—Stephen, for the right motives and for God to give him direction, and me... I don't know why I was praying, actually. I just felt like I needed to, so I did. And I was right... actually, God was right, hehe. God is amazing. He worked everything out for good.
Now this is the hard part, lol. How do I describe what our relationship is? It's not dating, it's not courting. I don't know if there is an English word for it, heh. You could definitely call us a "couple" now... definitely more than friends.... But I do know that this relationship, whatever it is, is one thing: led by God. That is our goal, our purpose throughout all of this. We are always doing our best to seek after His will for this. The amazing thing is, I never could really imagined how much God would do through this. Our relationship is such a beautiful gift from God. It doesn't distract us from Him at all... it's the opposite: It's been bringing us both so much closer to Him. I know without a doubt that we are glorifying Him, and so many times I've felt like I've never been more certain that I was right where God wants me to be. Sometimes I wonder how this could be happening... I feel so undeserving and unworthy. But I look at Stephen and just praise God with all I am... I thank Him for all He's done for me. For His goodness and faithfulness and for His perfect plan. Through Stephen I've been able to see God in an amazing way. I see reflected right before my eyes the ultimate story, the love of Christ for His church.
So that's what's really been going on with me recently, hehe. I think I should clarify a few things though, before I go. Stephen and I both know we're not at a point in our lives where we can get married or anything yet. But we both know that we are where God wants us. If God should one day move us apart, it will still have been more than worth it because it glorified Him. But anyway, we are taking things really slowly (or at least slowly for us... remember that not all people are the same). We want to serve each other and God, and we want to be very cautious, but at the same time, we don't want to pull back out of fear. So basically what it comes down to is following God. We are painfully aware that we are human and make a lot of mistakes, apart from God we're nothing, but we are trusting in God to be the strength in our weakness... we are trusting Him to lead us and guide our steps on this journey of life.
God is truly amazing. I really have no words to describe His goodness. I want you all to know that He is working everything together for your good... no matter what troubles or twists in life you might be going through, He will take them and weave them into something more beautiful than you could ever imagine. Our God truly is faithful, and I pray that if there's one thing you remember after reading this that that would be it. This is really a testimony to His faithfulness. Our God is an awesome God.
Dare You to Move, by Switchfoot
Welcome to the planet
Welcome to existence
Everyone's here
Everyone's here
Everybody's watching you now
Everybody waits for you now
What happens next?
What happens next?
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened before
Welcome to the fallout
Welcome to resistance
The tension is here
The tension is here
Between who you are and who you could be
Between how it is and how it should be
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened
Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?
Where you gonna go?
Salvation is here
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself
Lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened
Today never happened
Today never happened before
In Christ Alone,
Rachel
posted by Rachel @ 3:36 PM
9 Comments:
At 1/23/2006 10:34 PM,
Herohtar said…
What you call a relationship really doesn't matter, as long as it is led by God. However, what you just described sounds a lot like how Josh Harris described courtship in his books.
Anyway, congratulations... (I guess I can say that?) I will keep you guys in my prayers.
At 1/24/2006 10:29 AM,
Anonymous said…
Cool! I'm not sure what all to say...
How do you define courtship, Rachel?
At 1/24/2006 3:19 PM,
£l §tévó said…
I could never ever put all that so eloquently as Rachel, so I'm glad she's the one who posted, but she got everything exactly right. Rache, thank you so much for all the incredible compliments. God is definitely working if you can see all that in me. Also, it is a testament to Him that I can see the exact same as you, how I don't think I've ever seen a brighter reflection of Jesus. Caleb, thanks a lot for praying for us, that means a ton to me. I must admit I was kind of adamant about not picking out a term to define this relationship. It is what it always has been and always will be: a bond between two people with the primary purpose of glorifying God and the secondary purposes of encouraging each other to seek Him and also loving each other in a way pleasing to Him. I don't want us to confine ourselves with some pre-set idea if God's will should call us to something different. I also don't want to be subject to either the restraints or pressures of societal conceptions. God's Word and God's Word alone is the rulebook. So I don't think it matters whether we're dating or courting, or even what we think about the two, as long as we are following what God's will is for this relationship. I would ask everyone to pray that we would always do that.
Anyway, just looking back at everything and reading your post, I have no idea how I got here, lol. The road God has had me on always seemed so random but it's so amazing to now look back at the way that we've come. I had to remind myself a lot of the time in reading your post that this Stephen guy you were talking about is me. I'm so incredibly thankful to God and to you, Rachel, that you both can see my flaws and know that I am weak, but also see the man-of-God that I long to be. I always want us to be focused on Him and seek His will and I know you feel exactly the same way. Thank you so much, Rache, for being someone who both cares about me and inspires me to seek after God. As you said, wherever we end up, it will be worth it because this is God's will and we weren't afraid to take that step of faith.
At 1/24/2006 8:12 PM,
£l §tévó said…
Oh yeah, a "lovely gift" is right. It took me so long to figure out what the title meant, lol.
At 1/25/2006 12:13 AM,
Rachel said…
Hehe, yay, you figured it out! Actually I meant "The Beautiful Gift" but lovely was a close enough translation. ;)
Thank you, Caleb, so much for your prayers. That means a lot to me as well as Stephen.
Caleb and Estel, about both your questions/comments on courtship... well, Stephen pretty much stated our views on it all perfectly. I agree with all he said, but I do want to explain a little bit further, and to answer Estel's question.
First of all, I reread my post and I realized that at one point it might be easy to misunderstand what I was saying... when I was talking about my views on courtship when I was 15 being legalistic, I want to make sure that you know that I have nothing against courtship at all; for many people it might work perfectly and thank God for it! What I was saying there is that I do believe it's legalistic to say that courtship is the only way.
2ndly, Caleb, Stephen and I actually read/reread the Josh Harris book last month and discussed it extensively... you are certainly right to an extent, that it sounds a lot like it. I think we definitely gained a lot by reading it... there were some wonderful suggestions in there and very good points. Actually it was really good in that it caused us to analyze a lot of facets of our relationship that needed to be dealt with. However, there were also some points in the book that we either disagreed with for our relationship or that just didn't apply to us. For instance, one example in particular is how neither of us are at a point in our life where we are ready to marry, which is disobeying one of the first rules of courtship (though in our case obeying God). Also, a lot of times the book seemed to be written more for couples who weren't already best friends. So overall, it was helpful, but we aren't trying to go by it.
Which leads me to answer Estel's question. I define courtship as exactly what was laid out in Boy Meets Girl pretty much. Dating, on the other hand, I associate with, as Stephen put it, "the restraints and pressures of societal conceptions." So neither in my mind really fits us....
Ultimately, though, I don't believe it matters at all what term is used or if we use one at all... just as Stephen said. God's word alone is our guidebook, and that our relationship is for His glory is the thing that matters.
Again, thanks for your prayers everyone! And if you have any more questions, one of us or even both of us would probably be more than willing to try to answer them. :)
You all are awesome!
In Christ Alone,
Rache
At 1/25/2006 8:19 AM,
Anonymous said…
Wow Rachel. I'm so happy for you!
This may sound weird but I thought it might be encouraging. The past several monthsI have really been praying for several from our graduating class. I know that we didn't get a chance to talk a lot even during our senior year, for some reason I really felt lead to pray for you. I really had no idea what was going on but I felt a need to pray. God is awesome! I will continue to pray for you guys!
At 1/28/2006 9:51 AM,
Anonymous said…
Hmm, Josh Harris' books didn't say anything about best friends in a relationship? That's strange. I thought he believed friendship was the most important part.
At 1/28/2006 10:14 AM,
£l §tévó said…
Well, he mentioned quite often becoming friends, but he didn't seem to have anything to do with two people who were already very close. When I read the book I got the feeling it was more designed towards courting strangers, lol. I know that's a very general statement, I'm just exaggerating. But yes, I think one of his main points was becoming friends, which is definitely essential. But a lot of his advice simply didn't apply to as as we were already close friends.
At 2/02/2006 9:08 PM,
Rachel said…
Christina - wow. That is so awesome! Thank you! Heh, God is incredible. Last semester was actually a very difficult time for me, I definitely needed prayer then, and then this wonderful thing happened, full of joy but no less needy of prayer! Thanks for telling me that, it means a lot to me. Praise God!
Hannah! Thank you! That meant a lot to me too! Thank you for always being so encouraging and supportive! I love you SOOOO much!! :D
Nicole, I'm glad I'm in Bible study too... and that you're in it too! Thanks!
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