An tiodhlac alainn

Okay. So... last time I posted I mentioned a "one thing in particular." Well, that one thing is pretty common knowledge now, and it's kind of late for it to be a surprise to most people, but I'll tell you all about it anyway, hehe, just in case you're not informed. This is really a major thing in my life right now and I just want to share how amazing God is with everybody. And also it might be good to share this so that no one misunderstands what's happened. Hmm... I'm trying to decide how to write it. It isn't really something that just "happened" out of the blue one day. It's been a slow but very good process... following God. Our whole lives are that sort of journey, really. Maybe the best way to tell you all would be to start at the beginning....

God is absolutely insanely incredibly FREAKIN AWESOMELY GOOD. And faithful. And powerful. And just all around... AMAZING. What He has been doing throughout the last couple of years in my life and the life of one of my best friends just astonishes me. How He has been working so intricately in our lives, guiding us in every step, through every trial and hardship, and also through the times of joy... through every new turn in our friendship, He has been there. Through every one of our failures and mistakes, He has been there to make good of it. When I look back, I see His hand at work in every little thing, bringing us both closer to each other... and through that closer to Him.

God must really have an awesome sense of humor. 3 years ago I would never have dreamed that what's happening now could be happening. I first met Stephen when I was 15, at my first CIY conference, an awesome Christian youth conference that the highschool youth group at our church goes to every year. Sara and I didn't know hardly anyone else at the time, but we decided to befriend/hang out with a few of the guys who looked a little alone, Stephen being one of them. That was one of the most awesome weeks of my life... I can hardly explain it, but that week I felt closer to God than I ever had before. I grew so much in Him, and at the same time I grew so much closer to my brothers and sisters in Christ. The two were so intertwined that you wouldn't be able to tell where one ended and the other began. It was all worshiping and glorifying Him.... God did incredible things that week, and that week, to me, was a taste of Heaven.

Well, heh, both of us were pretty darn immature then. I have to admit that at the end of the week, when Stephen confessed to me that he liked me as more than a friend, I didn't take it so well. Some of my reasons were good and some were not. First of all I had only known him for a week. 2nd, I didn't feel the same way. 3rd, that was when I was a staunch advocate of courting only... now I realize how legalistic my attitude was. I've changed so much since then... but I do think that God took my legalism and used it for good. Throughout my jr. high and highschool years I never had a boyfriend or anything, and I thank God that He protected me from all that until the proper time that He alone knew.

But anyway, I felt a little let down, too... I had just spent the most awesome week of my life with these incredible new friends... why did this have to be so complicated? Well, God had good reason for that, but I couldn't have imagined it at the time. Anyway, I'll spare you the details, but pretty much for at least a year we sort of masqueraded as "friends," though I was really avoiding him. I feel so awful about it now, but God knows His plans and maybe that was best for then.

About a year and a half later, however, Sara, awesome person that she is, started bringing a bunch of the guys we knew into our circle of sorts.... I don't know quite how it happened, but slowly but surely, we all started hanging out together and slowly but surely, Stephen and I started being friends again. That friendship kept growing until he became one of my closest friends. Last semester in particular God just used him so much in my life. If it weren't for him I don't know where I'd be now... I might not even be here. I don't know. But the thing is, God really uses Stephen in my life, but that's not the reason why I was his friend. I was his friend not because of what he did for me (though he certainly did a lot). I was his friend because I saw in him an incredible person more than worth knowing. As I got to know him more and more, I saw his strengths and weaknesses... I saw his mistakes and his flaws, but at the same time I saw Jesus reflected in him in a way I had never really seen in anyone before.

And now God has led us to a new stage in our friendship. I'm not quite sure when it happened, but the more I got to know him, the more God was changing my heart and making me fall for him... and the other way around, too, though I didn't know it, or maybe just refused to believe that it could be possible that he could be going through the same thing. Last December things got particularly difficult, though. Rumors about us were abounding, and well, there were a lot of problems, mainly stemming from the fact that we were both at our wit's end and just didn't know what to do... we were so close to each other yet so blind to one thing. The only thing either of us could do was to just seek God and trust in His perfect will. For hours, actually days, up until we met to discuss everything, we were both praying so hard—Stephen, for the right motives and for God to give him direction, and me... I don't know why I was praying, actually. I just felt like I needed to, so I did. And I was right... actually, God was right, hehe. God is amazing. He worked everything out for good.

Now this is the hard part, lol. How do I describe what our relationship is? It's not dating, it's not courting. I don't know if there is an English word for it, heh. You could definitely call us a "couple" now... definitely more than friends.... But I do know that this relationship, whatever it is, is one thing: led by God. That is our goal, our purpose throughout all of this. We are always doing our best to seek after His will for this. The amazing thing is, I never could really imagined how much God would do through this. Our relationship is such a beautiful gift from God. It doesn't distract us from Him at all... it's the opposite: It's been bringing us both so much closer to Him. I know without a doubt that we are glorifying Him, and so many times I've felt like I've never been more certain that I was right where God wants me to be. Sometimes I wonder how this could be happening... I feel so undeserving and unworthy. But I look at Stephen and just praise God with all I am... I thank Him for all He's done for me. For His goodness and faithfulness and for His perfect plan. Through Stephen I've been able to see God in an amazing way. I see reflected right before my eyes the ultimate story, the love of Christ for His church.

So that's what's really been going on with me recently, hehe. I think I should clarify a few things though, before I go. Stephen and I both know we're not at a point in our lives where we can get married or anything yet. But we both know that we are where God wants us. If God should one day move us apart, it will still have been more than worth it because it glorified Him. But anyway, we are taking things really slowly (or at least slowly for us... remember that not all people are the same). We want to serve each other and God, and we want to be very cautious, but at the same time, we don't want to pull back out of fear. So basically what it comes down to is following God. We are painfully aware that we are human and make a lot of mistakes, apart from God we're nothing, but we are trusting in God to be the strength in our weakness... we are trusting Him to lead us and guide our steps on this journey of life.

God is truly amazing. I really have no words to describe His goodness. I want you all to know that He is working everything together for your good... no matter what troubles or twists in life you might be going through, He will take them and weave them into something more beautiful than you could ever imagine. Our God truly is faithful, and I pray that if there's one thing you remember after reading this that that would be it. This is really a testimony to His faithfulness. Our God is an awesome God.



Dare You to Move, by Switchfoot

Welcome to the planet
Welcome to existence
Everyone's here
Everyone's here
Everybody's watching you now
Everybody waits for you now
What happens next?
What happens next?

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened before

Welcome to the fallout
Welcome to resistance
The tension is here
The tension is here
Between who you are and who you could be
Between how it is and how it should be

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened

Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?
Where you gonna go?
Salvation is here

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself
Lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened
Today never happened
Today never happened before



In Christ Alone,
Rachel

A New Year

So... unlike Caleb's New Year post, I'm actually going to write about what's been going on in this new year! ;D

The life of Rachel has been really really good recently. I've enjoyed every minute of this break—well, maybe not every minute, but most minutes at least, hehe. God has been doing some incredible things in these past few months, and I really can't express my thankfulness to Him and my awe at His intricate work in my life and the lives of my friends, especially with one thing in particular (if you don't already know about that, you can ask me or Stephen sometime if you like... actually I'm trying to decide if I should write about it or not, so you may or may not hear about it on here later). I am so amazed, when I look back over my life so far, at how God's worked everything for a purpose and He even uses those times when I feel like everything's going wrong to bring me to a place far better than I could have imagined. And the one thing in particular I mentioned is only one part of that... that thing has actually opened my eyes to see how God's works the same way in my whole life. So yeah, this last month or so has been really really good. I can only fall on my knees and praise God for it all, really. He is good beyond hope, beyond anything we can imagine or comprehend.

Okay, onwards to shallower waters, lol. New Years was awesome. Our troupe had one of our biggest dance performances of the year. It was an incredible experience and God's hand was more evident in that performance, at least for me, than any I've ever been in before. To make a long story not so short, I for one tripped, slipped, went blank, and all around messed up more than any other performance I've been in with the troupe so far. I was also feeling really sick and my energy level was, on a scale of 1-10, getting down pretty close to 0, lol. So many other things went wrong too, like the stage was bad and we couldn't hear our hardshoes and stuff like that. I was praying the whole time, and I trusted God would be faithful... but it's interesting how in all our past performances I've noticed that no matter what goes wrong before hand, God always makes it pretty much come together for the performance. Well, this time it did NOT come together at least for me, but God was still faithful... turns out, everyone I talked to afterwards said that they hardly noticed ANYTHING wrong!! Wow... I could not believe it. Well, actually, I could, but I knew it was entirely God and not one bit us. Wow.

Anyway, Stephen, Jackie and Caleb all came to watch our performance and spend the rest of the evening with Hannah and me at the downtown New Years' celebration! Thank you all so much for coming, I had so much fun with you all that night and I'm glad each of you were there! It meant a lot to me, and I hope you had as much fun as I did! After our performance, Hannah and I made Stevo, Jackie and Caleb hang around while we sat around waiting for our energy level to rise and also while we changed into normal clothes... though come to think of it, our troupe costumes are pretty "normal" for us, too, lol.

Anyway, after putting all our stuff back in our car, all us troupe people went our own separate ways (I hope everyone else ended up having as much fun as we did!). Stevo, Jackie, Caleb, Hannah and I walked over to the Myriad Gardens and spent about an hour just taking in the amazingness of a big, beautiful garden with a mini-lake and a fountain and lots of trees and hills perfect for running down in the middle of a city, completely covered in Christmas lights (that is to say, we weren't, but the gardens were). We were all feeling a little artistic-y so we took lots of pictures.

Pretty soon we realized we'd better get moving if we wanted to have a decent view of the ball rising... yes my friends, here the ball doesn't drop, it rises. By crane. That was pretty funny, but at least it's a ball! We all threaded our way through the crowd and up as many steps as we could on this hill-like thingimajig and eventually made it to the top of a wall thingimajig. It was crowded (like everywhere else there... there were thousands of people crowded into this place between the skyscrapers), but we were really close to the ball and pretty much facing the front of the stage so we got a really good spot, I think. On the stage a band was playing all these awesome old songs. Stephen could probably tell you what they all were, though I did recognize some of them, lol. I need to work on enlarging my mind's old music database. But anyway, once we got to our spot, we all had fun dancing and screaming and watching people wave streamers and stuff like that. Finally the ball rose and we danced and screamed a lot more, this time under a rain of confetti, and at midnight the fireworks show began. That was one freakin awesome fireworks show. I don't know if I've ever seen any others as good! We all just about got hoarse from screaming and cheering so much. It was way too much fun.

After it was all over, we sat on top of the wall and people-watched while we waited for the crowds to clear out. When we deemed it sufficiently clear, we walked over to Sonic and got some mozzarella sticks and caffeinated drinks (except Caleb, who's a celiac... I'm sorry, Caleb). I was glad to have the two guys with us—the celebration was technically supposed to be alchohol-free, but heh, how much can that rule be enforced? There were still of course more than a few crazy people there. Thanks for being our "bodyguards," guys, lol. You rule.

After Sonic, it was around 2 or so in the morning, so we decided it was time to call it a night. I managed to drive the car back without any drunk people ramming into me (though that's probably God managing that instead of me). All in all, it was an awesome night and I don't think I've ever had a better New Years celebration. Thank you Stephen, Jackie, Caleb, Hannah, and the rest of the troupe girls for making it so awesome!! You are all pretty darn awesome yourselves.

Here's some of our pictures from the night:

During our performance:
http://homepage.mac.com/kvmagruder/.Pictures/Photo%20Album%20Pictures/2006-01-03%2011.09.45%20-0800/Image-50C6D6347C8A11DA.jpg

Fuzzy picture of Caleb:
http://homepage.mac.com/kvmagruder/.Pictures/Photo%20Album%20Pictures/2006-01-03%2011.09.45%20-0800/Image-50C7A0E57C8A11DA.jpg

Jackie in the headlights:
http://homepage.mac.com/kvmagruder/.Pictures/Photo%20Album%20Pictures/2006-01-03%2011.09.45%20-0800/Image-50C7C1C27C8A11DA.jpg

Stephen's foot:
http://homepage.mac.com/kvmagruder/.Pictures/Photo%20Album%20Pictures/2006-01-03%2011.09.45%20-0800/Image-50C805B07C8A11DA.jpg

Stephen's face (okay, well not just that, but it sounded good after the last one):
http://homepage.mac.com/kvmagruder/.Pictures/Photo%20Album%20Pictures/2006-01-03%2011.09.45%20-0800/Image-50C829147C8A11DA.jpg

Hannah showing her feelings after the performance:
http://homepage.mac.com/kvmagruder/.Pictures/Photo%20Album%20Pictures/2006-01-03%2011.09.45%20-0800/Image-50C8A78E7C8A11DA.jpg

Waiting for our energy to come back (Hannah looks a little strange, don't you agree?):
http://homepage.mac.com/kvmagruder/.Pictures/Photo%20Album%20Pictures/2006-01-03%2011.09.45%20-0800/Image-50C9AC447C8A11DA.jpg

We all thought this picture of downtown and the gardens looked like it should be a postcard:
http://homepage.mac.com/kvmagruder/.Pictures/Photo%20Album%20Pictures/2006-01-04%2017.53.52%20-0800/Image-91CCDBB67D8D11DA.jpg

These pictures are just cool:
http://homepage.mac.com/kvmagruder/.Pictures/Photo%20Album%20Pictures/2006-01-04%2017.53.52%20-0800/Image-91CB84287D8D11DA.jpg

http://homepage.mac.com/kvmagruder/.Pictures/Photo%20Album%20Pictures/2006-01-04%2017.53.52%20-0800/Image-91CB63BC7D8D11DA.jpg

http://homepage.mac.com/kvmagruder/.Pictures/Photo%20Album%20Pictures/2006-01-04%2017.53.52%20-0800/Image-91CC98CC7D8D11DA.jpg

http://homepage.mac.com/kvmagruder/.Pictures/Photo%20Album%20Pictures/2006-01-04%2017.53.52%20-0800/Image-91CCBABD7D8D11DA.jpg

http://homepage.mac.com/kvmagruder/.Pictures/Photo%20Album%20Pictures/2006-01-04%2017.53.52%20-0800/Image-91CCFC9B7D8D11DA.jpg

The ball that rose:
http://homepage.mac.com/kvmagruder/.Pictures/Photo%20Album%20Pictures/2006-01-04%2017.53.52%20-0800/Image-91CDC7437D8D11DA.jpg

Fireworks!!
http://homepage.mac.com/kvmagruder/.Pictures/Photo%20Album%20Pictures/2006-01-04%2017.53.52%20-0800/Image-91CEB5617D8D11DA.jpg

And finally, this is Jackie, Hannah, Caleb, Stephen and me:
http://homepage.mac.com/kvmagruder/.Pictures/Photo%20Album%20Pictures/2006-01-04%2017.53.52%20-0800/Image-91CD3E807D8D11DA.jpg

Sorry I probably bored you all out of your minds, but it's kind of hard when blog programs make it extremely difficult to post pictures on your blog from a Mac.

Well, there's been so much more happening... I had an awesome time with my family in Missouri for Christmas, my room is more than halfway finished, I've been able to spend a lot of precious time with my friends this week. I'm not looking forward to starting school again, and I don't know what God has in store for this semester, but if there's one thing I've learned over the past few years, it's that God is faithful and that He is always there for us to see us through, and to work everything together for our good. Wow, that one word, "good," just seems too small... the "good" God has in store for us is so much better than we could dream of. It's amazing to me that though I'm only 18, though I'm really just a kid, I already just can't get over how good our God is. I can't imagine how awesome it will be to look back over His goodness in Heaven!

Thank you all for being so awesome and I'll try to post again sometime, lol!