Oh, one more thing.

We just found out this week that my Great Grandma Ruth fell or something last week and then got pneumonia. She's around 90 years old and she has not been doing very well ever since my great grandpa died in 1999. Right now things really aren't looking good, and we're pretty much on call for awhile in case we have to go up there. She might pull out of this, but it's very likely that she won't.

I actually think that maybe it's her time. I mean, she missed Grandpa so much and she's just not happy here anymore. I love my great grandma. She loves us to death, but even so she is kind of a hard person to like sometimes. So her dying would effect me in a way, but still I know she's going to a better place. And maybe it will be easier for my relatives who live around her, like my Grandma and Grandpa, who would be stressed out enough just taking care of each other. Man, that sounded bad. I didn't mean it like that. As I said, I love her, we all do, and we'll miss her. It's just that maybe it's God's time.

So, your prayers would be appreciated. Mainly, that God would do his will and take her when it's his timing and help it be peaceful for her. Or let her live awhile longer. And if He chooses to take her sooner rather than later, that he would time it right so that it would be a good time for us to go up there. As in not Saturday, because we have a very important troupe practice. I feel so bad saying that, it sounds so selfish. But whatever the case, just pray that God would work it all together for good, I guess. Thanks!

What a week.

I am SO exhausted! This has been a very long and tiring week, but it hasn't been as bad as I thought it would be for the most part.

So this week was that government program thing at the capitol that I was telling y'all about earlier. I've been having to wake up at 6 am every morning and I've been getting to bed later than I should have (which is usually about the time I go to bed anyway—11). The classes have lasted from 8:45 to 3 pm, and they've been really exhausting. I'm glad I did them, though. I learned a WHOLE lot about government, and I acquired somewhat of an interest in politics. Which is still not very much (grr... I've NEVER liked politics), but I do appreciate it more now. The first day was not very great, but each day got better. Today was actually a lot of fun. We also had our little "graduation" ceremony. It was held in the Senate chambers. We got to sit at the senators' desks and have our own mock senate, like we have been doing all week, just not in the actual Senate room! Then all the elected officers gave speeches and we received certificates. It was really nice.

We've had some HILARIOUS bills in our mock senate. One person stole Sara's cat-extermination bill, and that one got passed with flying colors. However, someone else's bill to make pink the state color and make every person wear pink one day a month got voted down. Today in my committee we came up with our own bill. It was for us all, staffers and students, to go out to Starbucks after graduation. What's more, since one of the staffers detests coffee, we made it mandatory for all staffers to get a coffee drink, especially if they have curly, dark brown hair and they're from Texas. :D We had so much fun with that one. All the other committees at their own tables were wondering why we were laughing so hard, I think. They found out at one of the mock legislature sessions we had that day. It was very well received, and since the director of the class was out of the room, we made an amendment so that he would have to pay for everyone's drinks. It passed unanimously.

Practically all our bills that we wrote had to be serious, though, unless you were an alumni. That stank. I wanted to write something funny. I ended up with an amendment to a real state law, changing that only front passengers had to wear seat belts to ALL passengers have to wear seatbelts. However, something came up that really bugged me at the class. Apparently, all of the staffers believed that it was not the role of the government to protect the people from themselves! So everyone not only voted down the bill, they made a new bill (that got passed) to eliminate seatbelt laws altogether. I'm not upset over what happened with my bill at all, but I AM upset with how they throughout the week tried to push their opinions on everyone and argued that those opinions were from the Bible without giving any solid proof. My Dad and I talked a lot about this after the first night, and he could run circles around all their arguments. To tell you the truth, their logic does not make sense to me. They said that because a person deciding to wear a seatbelt won't hurt anyone else but himself, that that would not be the role of the government as an upholder of justice. What!?! I totally disagree. That's sounds eerily like those that talk about a women's "right to choose!" You CAN'T SAY that a person's decision will only effect themselves. EVERYTHING someone does effects someone else. You can't get around it. For instance, if a mother or father decides to not wear a seat belt, gets in a car accident and dies, that would have a DRASTIC effect on their family. And what about an even more immediate effect: What if the person that dies because of not wearing a seatbelt is a pregnant mother? I actually asked this to one of the staffers and she couldn't give an answer. Wow, I'm glad I have Dad around. But sigh... not this weekend. He took Eric and my car up to Missouri, and he won't be back until Monday.

Well, I need to go! I need to get good sleep tonight. Tomorrow is one of the most dreaded parts of the week: the speech class. AAAAAUUUGGGGHHHH!!!!!

Yo, homies.

That was really Rachel-esque, was it not? Yeah, as you all know, I go around saying that all the time.

Well, guess what?? I'M HAPPY!! I told you all I'd write when I was happy! So THERE.

Hmm... now that I'm writing, what should I write about? Let's see....

We died Easter eggs tonight. It was fun! I love doing it, it's a tradition around our house. I think I made some of the best I've ever done before. My favorites were one that was sapphire blue, one that was a rainbow (I dipped different colors on different layers), and especially one that I made to look like a sunset. I also made a burgundy/mauve-ishy one, and I also attempted to make one the color of my eyes. Ha. Like that would work... I have really weird eyes. I ended up using like blue, purple, turquoise, orange and green for my egg, and that was the closest it got.

I'm so excited. Jackie, Jordan and I are making up a dance to (hopefully! if the audition goes well!) dance at our graduation ceremony! We're doing it to a song called "Seasons" by our friends' Dad (all you church people, remember Eric? The tall guy? It's his Dad). It's going to be so pretty. The cool thing is, it took us only a few weeks of meeting once a week to choreograph the whole thing! Well, I guess I shouldn't say "us," because it was so totally God. It was amazing. We made sure to pray each time. Hehe... sometimes we'd start trying to choreograph and 15 minutes into it we'd reach a dead end before we realized we forgot to pray! Wow, it was all God. I love that.

Speaking of which, you all should come to our graduation. It's on May 19th, I think. Just to let ya know.

This is crazy, I still can't believe I'm graduating. It's so strange. It doesn't seem that long ago when I started highschool. And now I'm about to turn 18.... You know, I used to get really depressed about that, ever since I was really little to right before I started my senior year. I didn't want to grow up. I still don't. I love being a child, being so carefree. A child's heart is such a beautiful thing. It's so full of imagination and discovery. I don't want to lose that, ever. I've always had an insanely huge imagination, and that is so important to me. I used to be so afraid of growing up and losing that that I'd have to have these practically annual tearful hour-long talks with Mom. But you know what? That doesn't bother me anymore. God created me the way He did, and I know I'm never going to lose the personality He gave me. And what gives me the most hope is the thought of Heaven: that however Heaven will be, it will be much better than anything I can imagine, and that anything good and true that I can imagine—anything that God has given me a longing for—will be there in Heaven, in a much better form. I know that in Heaven, I'll be a child again. I think I'll be many different ages all at once, and everything good about each age will be there.

That's so fun to think about! I love thinking about Heaven... it always blows my mind.

OH!! Guys, I don't know if you all know this, but okay, I just spoke earlier about Eric and his dad. Well, their whole family is coming down from St. Louis for Easter!!!! They're coming Saturday afternoon, and leaving Monday morning. It's going to be a blast!! Everyone be sure to welcome them at church! They're all so cool, and I have to say they're probably the people that act themselves more than anyone else I know. They are on the inside what they are on the outside! I think that is so cool, and that's why I think you all will like them. I'll warn you though: they're TALL!!!! Eric's 18 and he's six foot six or so. Christian, 17, is about six foot 4 or 5. Lisa, 15 I think, is around or over six feet, and Mary, who's 13 I think, is up around there now. Pretty crazy. Just thought I'd warn you. Oh, and last time I saw Eric, he'd grown his hair out to his chin. So don't freak. :D They rock!

We're doing something a little strange: we're celebrating Passover on Easter!! That's something we've never done before, but we really wanted to get our friends from MO down to celebrate it with us and it's the only time we can do it. Actually, once I get used to the idea, it will probably be really cool. Maybe I'll be able to see Passover (or Easter) in a different light.

I love Passover! It's definitely a family tradition that I will keep doing with my kids and grandkids and so on. Our Haggadah (it's pretty much the handbook for the seder) is from a Messianic Jewish congregation, so it includes all this stuff about Jesus that is SO cool. It's amazing to see how this tradition that the Jews practiced for hundreds of years before Christ is so symbolic, so prophetic (is that a word?) of Jesus' death. It has such a beauty to it. I think it would be awesome if everyone celebrated Passover (from a Christian perspective) at least once! It makes you view Christ in a whole new way. YAY!! I can't wait!

Hehe... one of the benefits of having a Passover seder every year is the food. I LOVE having matzah around the house (I hope I spelled it right!). It's the unleavened bread that is used. It's so good! I can't wait until Mom makes the kharoset. It's this DELICIOUS dip for the matzah that's used in the seder. It has cut up apples and all sorts of spices in it... mmmm. Yum! Oh, and for the Passover dinner, we always have matzah ball soup... wow. If you guys haven't tried that, you're missing out. It's like REALLY good dumplings... sort of... well, it's GOOD.

Okay, it's getting really late, and I'm thinking entirely too much about food right now. ;) Time for bed! Oh, one more thing: I've started reading Mere Christianity. Just thought I'd prepare you, because I'll most likely be sharing a bunch of cool stuff I find! Hey, where'd you all go? I guess that was enough to strike fear into any heart. Well, if any of you are still around, go you. You rock.

NOW it is time for me to go off into the wide blue yonder... sleep... is good....

Rache

ANOTHER one?

Yep, it's another prayer request! I'm very overwhelmed right now. I have so much to think about and I'm worrying too much. Some of what I'm worried about, like my government class thing next week, and its dress code, has to do with just me. Other stuff might slightly concern me, but it isn't something I should be worrying about, because I'm not in control of it. Like, it's something that really someone else in the family should be taking care of, but I have this tendency to take a problem that's floating around and make it my own, if it concerns me in the slightest bit. And then, I sometimes get obsessed with trying to make everyone happy, so I grill myself over the slightest mistake and commit myself to stuff that I'll overwhelm myself doing. I'll get it done, but I'll make myself miserable in the process. Which is really stupid, because all I need to to is give it to God, and then I won't have to worry about it anymore.

I can't go into detail about all the different problems I'm dealing with right now (there are, like, 20), but I will say this: I shouldn't be dealing with them. I need to give them all to God, and I need to leave some of them well enough alone in the hands of others.

You know, I think the thing God has been trying to instill in me this whole school year is joy. I've certainly failed a bunch of the tests He's given me, so I'd really appreciate your prayers now. Thanks guys.

And, I just wanted to let you know, I do have a tendency to write when I'm feeling down. So I hope you guys don't think I'm depressed or anything—I'm not. You guys know me, and if I act my usual happy self around you, it's because I AM happy. It's just that I think I've been on some sort of roller coaster for the past year, and although my ups are definitely longer and much much higher than my downs, I tend to write when I'm at my lowest. Just thought I'd make sure you knew. :) Seriously, I'll try to write when I'm happy, too.

Oh my gosh, have you noticed how many "I's" are in this post? I think about myself WAY too much. I'm so doggone selfish. I keep thinking that sometime maybe God will take some of that selfishness away like I've been asking Him to, but I have a feeling it won't be completely gone until heaven. Since selfishness is practically the sin all other sins come from anyhow. Okay, I'm done talking about myself now.

Guys, if you have any prayer requests of your own, tell me! I hate asking you guys all the time and never returning the favor. :)

Feeling Frustrated

Ok, this post is for the girls. Guys, read on if you like, but at your own risk, lol!

Here is the reason I'm feeling frustrated: CLOTHES. Grrr.

First of all, I'd like to say that I'm very careful about what I wear. The last thing I want to do is to be a stumbling block for guys around me. Sometimes it can be so hard, though! There's, like, nothing out there in my size that is made to be modest! Needless to say, that's the main reason I'm not crazy about shopping. We're always out for hours and hours and hours, and we always come home with maybe 2 things. Or nothing.

But this month we ran into a real problem: we're going to a homeschool week-long government class thing at the state capitol, and they have a dress code. When I heard about that, I was like, dress code? No problem! Right... then I took a closer look. First of all, no tank tops or cap sleeves. In other words, no short sleeves. That only about made me panick... most of my stuff is short-sleeved! Everything that is decently cool enough for late March is. And then, they said we have to look very professional (guys in suits and everything). So that effectively ruled out all my shirts. Then, we absolutely have to wear skirts (no pants of any kind for the girls... why is that? And why do I get the feeling that it's a little legalistic?), and the skirts have to be mid-calf-length or lower, preferably lower. Most of mine are mid-calf-length, but some of them don't meet the requirement of going lower than your knees when sitting. Most longs skirts don't fit me well. So time to go shopping again.

After a day's work, I ended up with 2 of those 3-quarter-length sweaters (a white one and a red one) and some tank tops to go under them, as well as a cute black skirt that quite fit the code.

Well, that was last week. Today Mom reviewed the code and noticed something else: nothing tight or form-fitting. I had skimmed over that earlier, because I don't wear tight or form-fitting stuff! Gross. But she thought and thought... and decided that some people might consider my sweaters form-fitting. It took me a LONG time to see what she was seeing, let me tell you. She told me point-blank that I tend to wear form-fitting things, and I burst into tears because I thought I had been immodest all my teenage years and didn't know it. But apparently we had different definitions of form-fitting! I had always considered "form-fitting" as tight. I, frankly, think that I don't have to completely hide the fact that I'm of the female gender to be quite modest. But as she explained, a few people out there might consider "form-fitting" to be anything that shows that I have a female form. "So then," I asked her, "if they wanted me to wear a trash bag, why didn't they say so?" Since that's the only thing out there for girls my size that would not be "form-fitting." Grr... it's so frustrating!! And then we figured out that on top of my sweaters being "form-fitting," my white one is slightly transparent, another no-no, and then all those tanks I wear under my sweaters, well, someone might think they were underwear or something... I was astounded at that revelation. I mean, it's called layers! It is THE way to be modest today, because there's nothing else out there. I think it's very modest! It more than covers, and I wear it loose (apparently still "form-fitting," though)! And if they rule out that, too, then what are we supposed to wear?

I'm just about to go out of my mind. Now that we've effectively ruled out all my clothes and all the stuff in the stores today, can anyone tell me how to find some clothes for next week??

It's late, and I should be asleep, but....

I thought I'd share this really cool song with you all. First, before I write the lyrics, I want to say: I am not sad or depressed or anything! Actually, this past week has been one of the best in this year! I'm sort of at a mountaintop... but it's these times when I actually need to remind myself that no matter how happy I am here, it's really nothing compared to what God has in store. Sometimes, if I get too caught up in being happy with the things around me, I forget that God is the one that made me happy in the first place. I still need to have at least a little pain, a little feeling of the cruelty of this world. I need to have that longing for Him. So even when I'm so happy, this song that I'm about to write down connects with me deeply.

By the way, don't watch the music video. It scared me, seriously. It took me awhile to get over that, but now the song's one of my favorites.

"Light Up Ahead"
by Further Seems Forever

Take this heart of darkness
I give it up
and all the emptiness
You fill it up
the times that I feel nothing
You bring enough
so I can live for something
You lift me up!

and all these bad dreams
I wake up to the light
and when I can't see
I wake up to Your eyes
Wake me up!

there's a light up ahead
there's a light up ahead
there's a light up ahead (here we are)
there's a light up ahead (here we are)

it gets so complicated
if you live enough
turn into what you hated
you're breaking up
the times I feel like nothing
You bring enough
so I can live for something
You lift me up!

It's a new layout!

That's right everyone, it's time for a different layout! I've decided that I like so many of their templates I'm going to keep changing it to a different one every so often just to make it more interesting. :D

Quiz thing I found on Sara's blog.

Voilà:

Ten random things about me:

1) I love St. Patrick's Day!!!!
2) I have to go get my allergy shots in 2 minutes.
3) Like Sara, I love crazy colorful socks. Especially dancing in them.
4) One of my favorite Celtic bands has the name "Old Blind Dogs."
5) I'm turning 18 on April 25.
6) I have a HUGE imagination
7) I talk to the little green men.
8) #7 was a joke.
9) I'm allergic to watermelon.
10) One of my favorite verses is Zephaniah 3:17. Especially the version where it ends "He will dance over you with shouts of joy as on a day of festival."

Nine ways to win my heart (Win my heart? AUUUGGGHHH!!! Not at this age! No, don't even think about it hehe. But I guess I'll tell you anyway...):

1) By loving God more than me (and having a very strong relationship with Jesus)
2) Integrity
3) By being sensitive to the feelings of others.
4) By having a respect for me and for others, especially authority figures in his life (this includes nice chivalry type stuff... I love it when guys open doors for me and things like that!)
5) By having a wonderful sense of humor, but not at the expense of others (teasing is fine, as long as it isn't hurtful. See #3!)
6) By having a heart that is ready and willing to serve.
7) By being humble
8) By being willing to listen
9) By being a good, strong leader without being bossy

Eight things I want to do before I die:

1) Live in Ireland and/or Scotland for at least a year.
2) Lead a close friend to Christ.
3) See God do some amazing things with my love for dancing.
4) Sing a solo sometime... can't guarantee it would sound all that great, though.
5) Become (God-willing!!) really good at all the different forms of dancing I do (plus some more... I want to try Highland sometime). Not for my own glory.
6) Stay at our friends' house in St. Louis without getting asthma.
7) Go through the mountains without getting carsick.
8) Make sure ALL my friends and my family know I love them a lot a WHOLE lot.

Seven things that annoy me:

1) My selfishness.
2) People who are content with being shallow.
3) Christians who are too legalistic and judgmental.
4) Christians who are too liberal.
5) Whenever I get tongue-tied (it's usually when I start thinking, "I'm not going to get tongue-tied!")
6) When Christians think all dancing is bad (thankfully, I haven't been all that exposed to this!).
7) Rhymes and clichés in Bible studies! (LOL, you know what I'm talking about Plasma people!!) Here's the worst I've found so far—it just about made me gag: "God's solution is plain: Don't repress it; confess it! Don't conceal it; reveal it. Revealing your feeling is the beginning of healing." That's from "The Purpose Driven Life," which we're going through in Plasma right now. It's a good book, but man, if you want clichés and cheesy rhymes, that's where you need to go! Not to mention all the different versions of the same question....

Six things I love to do:

1) Be with my friends
2) DANCE!! And choreograph....
3) Read the Bible
4) Listen to music
5) Sing
6) Compose music on the piano and hammered dulcimer

Five things I'm afraid of:

1) Hurting someone else.
2) Being alone... if no one else cared for me.
3) Someone I love not loving me back.
4) Being attacked by Satan and his demons, but I know Who's stronger.
5) Bugs. :D

Four of my favorite things:

1) My Bible
2) All my journals (I've kept a journal since I was 8!)
3) Magaidh, Màiri, Colin, and Niall (my dance shoes!)
4) My cds (if you haven't noticed, I'm sort of cheating by making things plural—it's too hard to decide!!)

Three things I do everyday:

1) Think (too much)
2) Dream
3) Talk to God

Two things I want to do right now:

1) Be in Heaven!
2) Lie around the house since it's my only day free for months.

One person I want to see right now.

1) Jesus

Update on that one guy!

You know, I really pride myself in having such descriptive titles.

Haha.

So, anyway, an update! Thank you all SO MUCH for praying! Our conversation pretty much ended Sunday, but it ended very well. He didn't fall to his knees and accept Christ or anything, but I wasn't expecting that at all. Hopefully though, God willing, it brought him a step closer. Basically, about halfway through the conversation I decided to REALLY pour the love on (lol!), because I didn't want him to mistake my tone for anger. I had hoped that he wouldn't, but it's sort of hard to tell tone of voice in writing! I decided I'd leave no room for imagination and make the tone as kind as I possibly could. I thanked him for asking such wonderful and important questions, and told him how much I was enjoying the opportunity to discuss this with him, and wondered at the amazing fact that even with fundamentally different beliefs, two people can have an enjoyable dialogue. Then I went on to respond to his previous post, keeping with that same tone, and responding to generalizations about Christians, taking them as personal references to myself (you say Christians are arrogant and think of everyone else who doesn't believe the same thing as less than dirt? I'm SO sorry if I've given you that impression of me! My goal is to be like Christ, and he never acted that way, and I hope that I wouldn't, either... etc.). Then it was like the "room" got a thousand times brighter. He immediately started copying my tone, and spoke with respect. After awhile, we ended the conversation, both of us thanking the other for such an enjoyable discussion, and for opening up new perspectives to each of us. I hope he got a really good dose of biblical Christianity. If he did, it would have been all God's doing. As for me, I definitely learned a lot about talking to others about my faith, especially in the realm of apologetics. I learned some of the arguments that are commonly made, and how to respond to them. I'm really interested in this now. Today I'm going to start reading C.S. Lewis' Mere Christianity, and Dad's shown me a lot of other books that I'd love to read sometime. So God used this not only to reach out to someone else, but also to instill in me a new interest!

The other guy was really the one who ended the conversation, but I sort of had the last word. I told him how much I enjoyed discussing this with him, and if he ever wanted, he should feel free to private message me over the site and continue the discussion. So keep praying, y'all! :-D

On another note, tomorrow's St. Patrick's Day! This is a truly wonderful holiday: Christian and Irish! Celtic Christianity is really beautiful, if you haven't noticed. I'm not talking about Catholics or Protestants here, I'm talking about before that. St. Patrick's time and on. They sort of came at Christianity from a different perspective. I think they really grasped the deep beauty of Christ's death and resurrection. Think of hymns like "Be Thou My Vision," one of my favorites. Have you ever stopped to listen, really listen, to the words? It is SO powerful. I can just imagine someone singing that for the first time in Ireland or Scotland. It's so Celtic, yet the themes are universal Christian themes. It is a simply beautiful hymn. As a matter of fact, I think that Celtic Christians, having grasped the beauty of their Lord and what He had done, held beauty very highly. That's why so much that they did, a lot of which we still see today—books, Celtic crosses, music, dance, all of their forms of art—is very beautiful. One of the ways they worshipped God was through beauty. I think we could learn a lot from them, really. We, as modern evangelical Christians in America, have often forgotten beauty, I think. We are content to think in beige. I have even heard the argument that we, as Christians, should keep from making things beautiful, because then we would worship the beauty itself instead of God. I disagree! I think that, if it is something we have committed to God (which should be everything), it should reflect Him and His beauty. We can worship Him THROUGH beauty, and I believe He delights in that.

Now, I do have to make a distinction between two different forms of this. First, there's worshipping him through the beauty He has made in His creation. I'll call this "natural beauty." Another kind of worship through beauty is by making or creating things ourselves, as an act of worship to Him. In this case, He's really the one doing the work through us, and we rejoice in the fact that the talents He has given us are being used for His glory. We "work at them with all our hearts," and what we end up with is something beautiful for God. Maybe it will help others to worship God, too. Maybe it will help them see Him in a way they hadn't before. This, I'll call "crafted beauty."

I guess a practical example of this would be... ahem... church buildings. *Controversial topic! * Controversial topic!* I know, but I feel like being controversial today. It's alright if you disagree, this is just my opinion. Okay, so our church. It used to be a Rec Center, I think. There's only so far you can go with that, and they've done a pretty darn good job. But I personally would have really liked it if they at least made an effort to make the worship center more beautiful. I mean, the walls are beige slabs. There's really nothing about the room that pulls on my heartstrings. Maybe it would be better if they added more greenery or something, I don't know. I think it definitely was better when they added the cross. But still, I can't understand it. Especially when you compare it to the women's upstairs bathroom. Someone donated a lot of money to the women's upstairs bathroom, and it is one of the most elegant and nicest bathrooms I've seen! But frankly, I don't care a thing about how nice the bathroom looks if the rest of the church is one big beige box. I know, I know, I'm over-exaggerating here. There's no way we could make it into Notre Dame Cathedral or anything—as a matter of fact I think that would be wrong. It took at least a lifetime to build that cathedral, and it made many people poor. There are money issues that have to be dealt with, and I know that the church is very wise with how they use their money. It might not be possible or RIGHT to put money into making the church beautiful. But I wonder if they even consider it an issue, with some of the stuff I've heard people say.

Although, on second thought, I do have to say that our church definitely does appreciate "natural beauty." There are many examples, but I'll point out one: Every Sunday in big church they have that screen that has the words to the songs on it up at the front. Last year, I think, they started putting a beautiful picture of God's creation behind the words. I think for a while now it's been a mountain peak at night (it looks suspiciously like the Grand Teton mountain in Wyoming!), surrounded by bright stars. It's really beautiful, and it's something that makes me want to praise God. I really appreciate that!!

But anyway, now you've heard my opinion! That was my big long rant, and if you stayed to hear the end, congratulations. You won. You'll get... um... something. Maybe. Uh... guys, I have to go....

Wow, two posts in one day.

I certainly never thought that would happen! K, now I'll tell you why: I have a prayer request! See, I get on this one message board, and an atheist asked a bunch of questions about God and Christianity. So I started up this dialogue with this one guy where he's asking questions (or stating assertions!) and I'm responding from an evangelical Christian perspective. I've been trying to make my responses as biblically based and easy to understand as possible without losing the amazing beauty of the theological points (LOL, I feel the thinker "C" side of me kicking in... remember the DISC test?). Most of all, I'm trying to show the love of Christ to this person in the way that I talk to him, especially since he has been responding very aggressively to me. Hmm... reminds me of a message that we heard at church recently. About people knowing us by our love! Anyway, this has gone on continuously for a few days now, and I really need your prayer that whatever I write comes straight from God and that this person's heart would be moved by God's truth. I realize that it is not my job to bring this person to Christ, but that the Holy Spirit will move him in His timing. But if God can use me to nudge this person one step closer, that would be awesome!

I'm so thankful for Dad. He's been giving me lots of really good advice about things to bring up and how to respond. Sometimes it really amazes me how smart he is! Also what's really cool is that God has been bringing to mind a lot of different analogies and images I can use to describe certain aspects of Christianity. Some of them I heard really recently (like at our Worldview study) and some of them I haven't heard for years. It's definitely God!

One thing that's not good is that because this is a forum, a few other people have been throwing out their opinions. We've had all sorts of conflicting views of "Christianity" from the idea that good works are part of what gets you to Heaven to the Catholic belief of purgatory. It's really frustrating when I write for a long time and try to keep it as Biblically-based as possible and then a bunch of other people saying they're Christians come in and contradict what I say, yet insist that they agree! And then they go even further and say that down deep, we really all agree and while we're at it, it's probably the same God that every religion worships anyhow! GRRR!! I really don't want to respond to each of these people because I don't want to make Christianity look like it's warring inside itself. Not a good example!

So yeah, I'd really appreciate your prayers. I need wisdom. I'm really having to rely on God for every single word, and I really want to help lead this person to the truth. I have a feeling that because of the way this person is responding, something has happened in his life that would make believing in Christianity emotionally difficult (like the death of a loved one—and the knowledge that if Christianity were true, this person would be going to Hell). He's stated that he was raised a Christian, so I think there must be some personal experience that he's shielding with his arguments (most of which are about the "unfairness" and "irrationality" of what he calls "good" people going to Hell). But I'm really encouraged by the fact that He's taking the time to have this conversation. Like Dad told me, if he really didn't feel the Holy Spirit convicting him on something, he would have left the conversation long ago.

Thanks guys!

A thought for today.

I've been thinking... you know how when you finally think you've reached at least some level of maturity, you realize how naïve you really are? That's me right now (again). I can be so stupid sometimes. But if God is the only One who can save me from myself, I'll gladly run into His arms.

Green is a really nice color.

I like it. It reminds me of... I bet you can't guess... Ireland! Dancing!! YAY!!!

No, this is not a permanent change. I did it in honor of St. Patrick's Day next week. A very legitimate excuse.

Oh, by the way, I put a picture in for my profile! If you look close enough, you can make out my face. What, you don't see me? Well, sorry. It must be your eyes! Go get them checked.

Okay, okay. Actually it's a picture of Loch Katrine in Scotland. A part of my clan (MacGregor) used to live there. I just thought it was pretty.

For some reason Blogger won't let me comment on anyone else's blogs today, so I thought I'd respond to Sara's, the post where she asked if anyone ever thought we were older than we are. Well, that doesn't usually happen to me! I think I look a couple years younger than I am, and most people when they compare Hannah and me think she's the older sister and I'm two years younger. I think Hannah sometimes is concerned that it hurts my feelings or something, but to tell the truth, I think it's just hilarious. I get a kick out of it every time it happens! Of course, I've got the good side: looking younger will be a VERY nice thing when we're forty years old!

Just kidding! Hmm... I think I'll talk about humility next week, right? ;-) Hehe... I'll probably look quite my age when I'm forty (or older than I am, more likely!). :-D

But anyway: Because 1. I'm short, 2. I just look young, and 3. I can be very goofy if I have a mind to (though people who compare on me on that to Hannah must not know Hannah!!!), most people think I'm younger. But not one particular time! I do have one story, Sara, and in my own loooooong roundabout way I'm finally going to tell you (though I'm sure you've heard it, like fifty million times)! Well, I was, like, 14 or 15 years old, and we went shopping at Ross. Susanna and I were outside the fitting room waiting for Mom to finish (Susie was 5 years old). The guy at the counter had been looking at us a little funny, and it was freaking me out. Finally he said, "Is that your daughter?" I just about screamed. "NO! She's my little sister!" Then he said, "Good, because if she were, I'd have to slap your parents for you."

So yeah. The whole exchange was rather on the freaky side. I was thinking later that if I had actually had Susie for a daughter, I would have been 9 1/2 when she was born, which obviously couldn't have happened! So therefore he must have thought I was at least 17 or so... but overall the fact that someone thought I was older didn't make up for the awful freakiness of it all. Not worth it. Grr.... That guy certainly had a lot of nerve to say that!

Sara, you know I've always thought the story about you and Ryan and Lora in McDonald's was absolutely hilarious. If you haven't heard it already, go read it on Sara's wonderful blog. The link is in the sidebar. Hehe... I know what you mean about Eric, Sara. It's always nice to have him with you at concerts... or restaurants... or stores... or anywhere! Sigh... I wish I had brothers!! Although, actually, I do... brothers in Christ! Thank you Stevo, Kev, Chris, both Calebs, and all the rest of my great guy friends! You guys rock.

You know what? I just read back over this whole post and came to the conclusion that you must have already come to: It's very weird. Like my mood right now. See ya!

YAY!!! God is so faithful!!

Thank you all SO MUCH for your prayers and encouragement! Our performance was GREAT!! There weren't any big problems or mess-ups, and we were able to dance for God with the right attitudes! I think God stamp-back-shuffle-hop-backed Satan away from us. Hopefully we shone really bright for our audience!

I'm excited: no shin splints! They had one of those portable wooden floors put in for us! Woohoo!

Next week we have two performances, then the parade on that Saturday (the 19th)! YAAAAYYY!!! New prayer request: that it wouldn't be too cold!! Last year it was FREEZING. With a little rain! Brr.... Please, God, let it be in the 50's or 60's!

I'll see a lot of you tonight at Breakaway!

I need some prayer. And a hug, maybe.

Okay. I know this will sound like complaining. But I'm telling you this because I need prayer.

Here's the deal. Saturday was wonderful. Troupe was great. We have a performance tomorrow and we're prepared. I especially loved this: instead of Bible study, we all did a "popcorn" prayer for the performance and all our other performances coming up. That was so wonderful. So yeah. I was pumped, ready to go. I knew God would be with us every step of the way, and I trusted in Him to prepare my heart for Wednesday.

Well, I think Satan took notice. I'm positive that He's been doing everything in His power to try and get me down. It started Sunday afternoon. There was a misunderstanding between Mom and me. I thought we were going on a quick trip to Walmart to get elastics for my dance shoes and to pick up a few other little things, and then we would go home for a nice relaxing afternoon in which I could get done what I needed to do. Well, we ended up being there for 4 hours. The worst part was, halfway through, my feet started aching (I was wearing flip-flops, with absolutely no support—as I said, I thought we would be out for 15 minutes!). Then the blister I got on the back of my heel started hurting so bad. And the worst part was that for some reason unbeknownst to me, Wal-Mart has taken out ALL their benches! So I had nowhere to rest my feet! I just about cried because my feet hurt so bad that I couldn't imagine dancing Wednesday. I really had to put my faith in God then, but it was hard!

Then, that night, I found out I'd offended a friend and hurt her feelings without even knowing it or meaning to. Of course I cried my eyes out. If any of you know me, that sort of thing really bothers me. Even the thought of hurting someone makes me heartbroken. We worked it out, by the grace of God, but I was a mess the rest of the night. Even thinking of it brings tears to my eyes now. But, I know God was teaching me something through that. Things like that happen. I need to let Him carry me when they do. A verse that REALLY helped me was Romans 5:2b-5: "And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit whom he has given us."

So I woke up the next morning and eventually I got over it and fully gave it up to God. That was the day when Mom did something wonderful! She let us off of all school besides TeenPact homework (which I feel so behind on...) so we could get the chores done we hadn't had time to do in weeks. I worked on cleaning my room. I got it done, but it was such a mess (I had scrapbooking stuff all over my floor—I'm finally putting in my Mexico pictures!) that it took practically all day. Part of the reason it took so long was that I kept getting distracted. It was infuriating! I think I know why that happened, too.

Today was not so good. I had to wake up early (for the past few nights I haven't been able to get very much sleep—another thing that's been weighing me down!). Then I had the big MOPs babysitting job all morning, which was hectic as usual. I got home and took a deep breath, then started school. I simply could NOT focus. It was sort of a blessing in disguise when my hammered dulcimer student called in sick (well, a blessing for me, but I feel awful for her—poor Katie! She's been sick for two weeks!). But I still haven't gotten all my school done. Finally I gave up and decided to save the rest for tonight, and practice dance for the rest of the afternoon. The good news: my pulled muscle is feeling a little bit better. The bad news: I messed up a heck of a lot more than normal. I couldn't get a single click in the middle of a dance and parts that I could do in my sleep I suddenly drew a blank slate on! And when I put on my hardshoes, my feet cramped so bad! I could barely get through a single dance. And then, after dancing for an hour, it was time to help Hannah with supper (she's on kitchen duty this week). I was fixing to go downstairs when I knocked my water glass off my desk and there went the water all over my hardshoes and softshoes and dance bag and everything! I scrambled to wipe it all off, and I'm now wearing my hardshoes in hopes that the water will mold them to my feet more.

Another thing: my stomach has been back to its old dirty tricks today and yesterday (because I had some salsa with onions in it—the week of a performance. I'm really smart, aren't I?). I haven't been able to stretch and do my crunches and situps like normal, and that's made me feel really yucky.

Tonight, I was going to have to re-duct tape my hardshoes (which takes about an hour), do the rest of my school, clean a bathroom, and somehow get a lot of sleep. Thank goodness for Mom. She said I didn't need to clean the bathroom after all and I only had to do my TeenPact homework. So it's all a lot better now. And I'm still trusting in God. He's SO faithful! I know His will will be done and everything will work out right. I think He's definitely helping me to handle this better than I'm making it sound! I just wanted to tell you the specifics so that you could be praying for me. So I'm sorry if I've sickened you with all this complaining!

Also, please pray for our whole troupe! I'm hoping they're doing all right, and that they're not being attacked like I am. Really, I think—no, I know—that this is spiritual warfare and that Satan really doesn't want tomorrow to work out. But God will make us strong enough, and I have no doubt that Satan won't have a chance! So please pray!

God is in control, and He is faithful! Thank goodness.