It's been a long time!
So... I was jolted back into the world of this blog when a few of you commented recently... I had almost completely forgotten about this! Awhile back I joined facebook and myspace and all that and when I do have time to do much computer stuff, I've usually been going there. But some of you aren't on either of those, so I guess that isn't really fair to you! I'm sorry!
My main problem, though, I think, is I've just been so insanely busy. Especially last week and this week—I'm in my sophomore year of college now, and it's midterms time. Oh joy! ;) So yeah, this semester has been really good but also really hard juggling everything... school, dance, work (I teach an Irish dance class in Noble now), shepherding the 6th grade girls at church, spending time with family, friends, boyfriend... it all adds up pretty fast. But really, I guess being busy is nothing new for me, lol. Anyway, I really need to get to sleep because I have dance (modern and hip-hop) tomorrow morning immediately followed by part 1 of my linguistics class midterm (part 2 is Friday), then Hebrew, then a composition due in French, then allergy shot time, then Wildlife (the jr. high youth group), then going with Stevo to a party with his bible study... some of that is good stuff, some of it isn't necessarily so good, but regardless, I need a lot of sleep!
I think what I'll do for now is just post everything I've posted on myspace over the past year. Not that it's much. But it will do for now I guess until I can get a better post in. I love you all!
Rache
Monday, April 03, 2006
Fun!
Current mood: loved
What Flower Are You?
You Are A Lily
You are a nurturer and all around natural therapist.
People see you as their rock. And they are able to depend on you.
You are a soothing influence. You can make people feel better with a few words.
Your caring has more of an impact than even you realize.
What Kind of Chocolate Are You?
You are Milk Chocolate
A total dreamer, you spend most of your time with your head in the clouds.
You often think of the future, and you are always working toward your ideal life.
Also nostelgic, you rarely forget a meaningful moment... even those from long ago.
What Gemstone Are You?
Your Gemstone is Aquamarine
Intuitive, tranquil, and trusting.
You inspire others to have faith in themselves.
What Color Nail Polish Best Fits You?
http://ynr.blogthings.com/whatcolornailpolishbestfitsyouquiz/
***Your Nail Polish Color is Red***
How you're unique: You have an incredible eye for style and art
Why your style rocks: You are classic and classy - and that's hot!
What this color says about you: "I'm smart, sassy, and sexy. And I know it."
Haha... no I don't... but that's alright! These things make me laugh.
What's Your Inner Eye Color?
Your Inner Eye Color Is Brown
You're smart, thoughtful, and the ideal woman for most men
You are kind and easy to trust. Men open up to you like no one else.
It's this inner warmness that attracts guys - and makes you an instant soulmate.
Because life is all about attracting guys. Hehe. Right. And anyway, I don't much care, I already have the most amazing guy in the world. :)
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Sunday, April 09, 2006
Lalala
Current mood: sick
Category: Quiz/Survey
^ Though there is a problem with that title, since I can't even talk right now, much less sing. But that's alright, I thought it just sounded fun anyway.
ONE ANSWER QUESTIONS
Fill out using only one word!... much harder then it sounds...
1. Yourself: uuuuuugggggghhhhhh
2. Your Love Life: BEAUTIFUL
3. Your Hair: wet
4. Your Mother: friend
5. Your Father: wise
6. Your Favorite Item/Items: U2-iPod
7. Your Dream Last Night: confusing
8. Your Favorite Drink: fr/cappuccino
9. Your Dream Home: family
10. The Room You Are In: books!!!
11. Your Pet: ducktape
12. Who You Are Now: Rachel
14. What You Want to be in Ten Years: wise
15. What You're Not: wise
16. Your Best Friend(s): AMAZING.
17. One of Your Wishlist Items: music
18. Your Gender: female
19. The Last Thing You Did: backspaced
20. What You Are Wearing: warm
21. Your Favorite Weather: dark
22. Your Favorite Book: LotR
23. The Last Thing You Ate: donut-hole
24. Your Life: good
And one more just for fun and because I'm lazy:
10 LAYERS
LAYER ONE: ON THE OUTSIDE
Name: Rachel
Birth date: April 25
Birth place: St. Louis
Current location: in a comfy chair
Eye Color: dark blue
Hair Color: brown
Righty or Lefty: righty
Zodiac Sign: Taurus
LAYER TWO: ON THE INSIDE
Your heritage: Scottish, German, French and English
Your weakness: Two of the bigger ones are perfectionistic inclinations and a tendency towards melancholy
Your fears: elevators!! And hurting other people, and losing my hope
Your perfect pizza: LOTS of sauce... preferably from Papa Johns, with something good like chicken or canadian bacon on it.
Goal you'd like to achieve: I want all my friends to know I love them... don't feel like I've been doing a great job of it recently, but I really do
LAYER THREE: YESTERDAY, TODAY, and TOMORROW:
Your most overused phrase: "Nice" or "Fun"
Your thoughts first waking up: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
Your best physical feature: I have no idea... people comment on my eyes so maybe that....
Your bedtime: when I get there
Your most missed memory: Mexico
LAYER FOUR: YOUR PICK:
Pepsi or Coke: Coca-Cola!!
McDonald's or Burger King: Burger King
Single or group dates: single
Adidas or Nike: Converse!
Lipton Tea or Nestea: COFFEE
Chocolate or vanilla: le chocolat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cappuccino or coffee: both!
LAYER FIVE: DO YOU/ARE YOU?
Smoke:no, but I sound like a smoker today, haha
Cuss: no
Single: Nope!
Take a shower: At least every day
Have a crush: Much more than that, lol
Think you've been in love: Definitely
Want to get married: Yes!!!
Believe in yourself: no
Get motion sickness: yes
Think you're a health freak: somewhat but not obsessively so... I like chocolate, hehe
Get along with your parents: Yes, for the most part
Like thunderstorms: I LOVE them!!
LAYER SIX: IN THE PAST MONTH
Drank alcohol: no
Gone on a date: I don't know if you can call it that or not
Gone to the mall: I don't think so...
Been on stage: A MILLION TIMES (St. Patrick's week, etc.)
Eaten Sushi: no
Been dumped: no
Gone skating: no
Gone skinny dipping: no!
Dyed your hair: and no.
LAYER SEVEN: HAVE YOU EVER
Played a game that required removal of clothing: sorry... no!!!
Gotten beaten up: no
Changed who you were to fit in: yes, in little ways
LAYER EIGHT: GETTING OLDER
Age you hope to be married: I'd better be married by the time I'm 30!!! But I'd like to be married a whole lot earlier
Number of Children: I dunno... more than one, less than 7 haha
Describe your dream wedding: Beautiful... romantic... outside... in June or sometime around then... dancing afterwards... something involving sunsets, maybe, I don't know
How do you want to die: with as little pain as possible
What country would you most like to visit: Scotland
LAYER NINE: IN A GAL/GUY
Best eye color?: whatever best paints a picture of their soul
Best hair color?: brown
Short or long hair: doesn't matter
Height: taller than me
Best first date location: it doesn't matter really... just matters who it's with.
LAYER TEN: IN THE NUMBERS
Number of people I can trust: I'm supposed to be able to count everyone I know and then analyze that?
Number of CD's I own: a lot...
Number of piercing: 2 (ears)
Number of times Ive been on T.V.: at least a couple of times
Number of times my name has appeared in the Newspaper?: more than I've been on tv
Number of scars on my body: a lot, lol
Number of things in my past that I regret: Another thing we're supposed to label with a number??? Craziness
Okay that was a weird quiz....
Currently listening :
Attention All Personnel
By Croft No. Five
Release date: By 01 January, 2002
3:09 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Not much into death metal or whatever it is, but this would be the exception...
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Music
I LOVE this song. This is one song in which the vocal cords are ripped out that I actually like to listen to (of course it helps that the chorus is without such violence). But anyway, I think this song is awesome musically and especially lyrically. The lyrics to this song are poetry... even though the grammar could be a whole lot better, the content is so awesome.
Undying
by Demon Hunter
Ever since the day that I was made Ive been deciding the end
And I was made of wood and stone that wont diminish or bend
So when the heavy hand of death is here to take me away
Ill be the solid grip of time, forever holding my stay
Nobody ever made a force that took a beating like me
I call the earth and every scum to come and try to fight me
Cus when I made the choice to live beyond the dirt that we tread
I felt the curse of mortal limit fall before it was said
Pre-chorus:
When this season ends
Chorus:
One final heart-break
And blinding lights will guide our way
Free us our blind state
They will call us by our name
Undying
Tearing through these days I find the tolerance to strive and push on
I know what lies beyond this life for me is already won
No one can take away the blood that covers over my fall
Without the blood of perfect life I know Im nothing at all
So now I reign forever hallowed in eternitys hand
No man can shake me from the everlasting ground that I stand
(Pre-chorus)
(Chorus)
We are the ones who will still remain when all is laid to waste
We are the ones who, when angels cry, will see them face to face
We are the ones
(Chorus)
Currently listening :
The Triptych
By Demon Hunter
Release date: By 25 October, 2005
1:18 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Leaving...
Current mood: excited
Category: Travel and Places
I'm heading off to one of my favorite places in the world tomorrow... MEXICO!!!!!! I can't wait. I've pretty much got everything packed already, yay. A bunch of youth group people and I will be joining Stevo, Sara and Jennifer at the mission "compound." We'll be working our butts off for a week, yay!! It will be AWESOME!!!! Of course, we do get to go to the Hotel Zone in Cancun on our R&R Day, so we won't be working our butts off then, but it will still be pretty darn awesome even so. :)
I would definitely appreciate your prayers if you're so inclined!!
Goodbye to all the lovely amazing friends I'm leaving behind... have a good week!! And to all my incredible fellow dancer people... I had such a wonderful time with you all this year; you are all so awesome and I'm going to miss you all tons this summer! Have a great summer. And to everyone... goodbye and I'll see you when I see you!
Currently listening :
The Beautiful Letdown
By Switchfoot
Release date: By 25 February, 2003
11:44 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Thursday, June 15, 2006
"But Not Forgotten"
Current mood: nostalgic
Category: Writing and Poetry
I love this poem. It's by one of my favorite poets, Luci Shaw.
There's a lot of things I miss and long for right now, but God is absolutely good.
"But Not Forgotten"
Whether or not I find the missing thing
it will always be
more than my thought of it.
Silver-heavy, somewhere it winks
in its own small privacy
playing
the waiting game with me.
And the real treasures do not vanish.
The precious loses no value
in the spending.
A piece of hope spins out
bright, along the dark, and is not
lost in space;
verity is a burning boomerang;
love is out orbiting and will
come home.
11:05 PM - 3 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Friday, June 23, 2006
On Missing Heavenly and Earthly Loves
Current mood: tired
On Missing Heavenly and Earthly Loves.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
and so we wait
the clock ticks
we wonder when
and it's hard to remember why
sometimes
and so we wait
on the hope of a day
on the hint of a glimpse
of enfolding arms
how long, oh Lord?
we sigh
it's too far for our earth-worn eyes
to see
the distance closing
between our souls
between our needful skin
between our hearts' desiring.
and so we wait
firm in the grip
of time's Orchestrator
and so we trust
in a miracle of death
and the return of life
and the return of love
we gave away.
and there is beauty
in the waiting.
there is loveliness
in hope.
when the angels dance
and the stars sing
for joy in the reunity
it will have been
well worth
the agony.
and so we wait
Currently listening :
Untitled
By The Benjamin Gate
Release date: By 22 May, 2001
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Thursday, July 06, 2006
MY techno rave dance parties are in FRENCH!
Current mood: silly
Category: Parties and Nightlife
:P Just thought I'd state that fact.
Anyway, I miss those techno rave dance parties the guys had in Mexico, so I thought I'd let you all have one on my myspace page. Yay. :D Have fun dancing. Just watch out for Eric's speedo.
11:41 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Saturday, August 05, 2006
Tagged
Current mood: cheerful
Category: Games
Rules: Once you've been tagged, you have to write a blog with 8 weird things/facts/habits about yourself. In the end, you have to pick 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Finally, you must leave a comment for them and tell them to read yours.
Tag!
1) I can do the forward splits. (I'm very proud... it took me FOREVER to get there!)
2) I can also beat up you and your mom with my super Irish hard shoe moves. Lol... seriously... the "taps" on hardshoes aren't taps at all... they're made from super-hard fiberglass. I know they're super-hard because when you try to do a click and hit your ankle instead, it HURTS LIKE HECK.
3) I like some forms of techno music... not so much the really poppy sounding stuff, but there's some other kinds that are just plain beautiful I think....
4) I like to wear makeup not because I think I'm ugly without it, but because I treat it like art... it's fun to do and I can be creative with it.
5) The Molten from Chili's is HEAVEN.
6) My ancestors in Scotland and my clan were outlawed because they outwitted another clan that was the King's favorite... if anyone kept the name of MacGregor, it was considered lawful for them to be hunted and killed for sport. However, they also happened to be really tough warriors... so most of them survived, although they were scattered and many ended up changing their names. Which is we are Magruders instead of MacGregors. And partly why my dad's family lives in America instead of Scotland.
7) I love to sing. My voice is really weird I think... not very suitable for classical or popular music I don't think, but it lends itself very well to Celtic music I've been told. Which is good because that's my favorite style to sing.
8) I like to listen to bagpipe music loud in my car with the windows rolled down. I sometimes try to dance to it, too. The Rogues ROCK. :D
Heh... I really don't feel like "tagging" anyone else now... but if anyone wants to do this feel free to!
11:54 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Sunday, September 10, 2006
"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus...."
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Writing and Poetry
Sometimes sin
seems like breathing
toxicity
this guilt overwhelms me.
I failed
again
and where were You?
Never-ending wrestling with flesh
and with You
as long as I breath, I will be poisoned.
God save me!
Will this cycle never end?
"No condemnation"
as weak as I am--His blood is there also
I am clean, I know,
yet I haven't stopped breathing.
Perhaps
a lesson
is more vital
than being comfortable.
Perhaps
perseverance
in His endless grace
is more perfect
than complacent sinlessness.
Perhaps
this war against gravity
this pull towards depravity
shows me my close proximity
to the ground,
but unveils as well the force that propels
me to the stars
and the hope of fresh air beyond.
Currently listening :
Good Monsters
By Jars of Clay
Release date: By 05 September, 2006
3:31 PM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Friday, October 20, 2006
I really need prayer. And maybe a few hugs, too.
Current mood: blah
Category: Life
Okay everyone, I don't know when anyone is going to read this but I really feel like I need prayer. I guess I need to explain a bit.
So I've always had a lot of health problems... it started with allergies when I was 12 or 13 and ever since it's been getting worse and worse. I started having weird stomach problems. First I was diagnosed with lactose intolerance, and that helped a little, but eventually I went to see a doctor who specializes in such things and after being put through a few tests, he said that my gall bladder (it helps digest stuff) didn't work and I needed to have it removed. So... I had that surgery when I was 17... one of my least favorite memories ever. It includes the most painful experiences I've ever had to go through. But it helped a whole lot and after I recovered, everything seemed fixed... for awhile.
This year it's gotten as bad or worse than it was before. Just the whole year, it's gotten steadily worse and worse. Now, I can't eat ANYTHING without feeling sick afterwards. It's a different kind of sick feeling than I used to get before I had surgery, I think, so it must be something else. When I went to the doctor last (not the one who solved the problem the first time; he's not on our insurance anymore), he said that all the stomach problems were probably triggered by allergies and other things such as tiredness and stress levels, which I think is true to some extent, because if I'm feeling bad in any other way my stomach will usually end up feeling bad too. But I'm just SICK of this. I'm almost never hungry anymore; I always feel not hungry or sick. These past few days have been the worst. Last night I was up really late. I almost had a panic attack because I felt so bad (I've had more panic attacks because of my stomach than I can count). When I finally got to bed I couldn't sleep very well; I had to prop myself up in bed so my stomach wouldn't feel too bad, and every time I went to sleep I'd slide down, which would make me wake up because my stomach would start feeling bad again. It was like that all night. And today, I tried to eat breakfast and could barely get a few bites of oatmeal down before I started feeling bad again. Then at lunch I could barely eat half a sandwich. I don't know what to do. I don't want to starve myself, but every time I eat I end up feeling horrible. I do it anyway, but I really can't get down all that much. I'm really scared... I wonder if something's really really wrong with me. I need to see that one doctor again but I can't because he's not on our insurance anymore.
It's so hard to trust God with this. I constantly need to be reminded of His plan... He is my Father and I know He loves me and cares for me, but I have a feeling that He might not take care of me in the way I want Him to. What if I never get better until Heaven? At least I can hope in the promises of Heaven, but here on Earth, maybe I'll just have to suffer. I know He's taught me so much through this already, and I'm thankful for that. It's really shaped my character a lot. So in a way, I thank God for my problems. But at the same time, I'm just so sick and tired of it all. I don't know how to handle it anymore.
And I feel bad, too, because I know so many people have much worse problems than me. I should count my blessings I know. But I can't compare when I feel like I'm on the verge of throwing up. No one is normal but I so want to be "normal" in this area.
I also feel like some of this is a spiritual attack. I get these panic attacks, for one. And also, I seem to be constantly wavering between desperately hoping for a better day and trying to make myself numb to it all. Again, I have trouble focusing on God in this. I guess I just need prayer.
Thank you all for listening to my rather pathetic rantings. Again, I'd really appreciate your prayers. I love you all!
Rachel
6:15 PM - 6 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
My main problem, though, I think, is I've just been so insanely busy. Especially last week and this week—I'm in my sophomore year of college now, and it's midterms time. Oh joy! ;) So yeah, this semester has been really good but also really hard juggling everything... school, dance, work (I teach an Irish dance class in Noble now), shepherding the 6th grade girls at church, spending time with family, friends, boyfriend... it all adds up pretty fast. But really, I guess being busy is nothing new for me, lol. Anyway, I really need to get to sleep because I have dance (modern and hip-hop) tomorrow morning immediately followed by part 1 of my linguistics class midterm (part 2 is Friday), then Hebrew, then a composition due in French, then allergy shot time, then Wildlife (the jr. high youth group), then going with Stevo to a party with his bible study... some of that is good stuff, some of it isn't necessarily so good, but regardless, I need a lot of sleep!
I think what I'll do for now is just post everything I've posted on myspace over the past year. Not that it's much. But it will do for now I guess until I can get a better post in. I love you all!
Rache
Monday, April 03, 2006
Fun!
Current mood: loved
What Flower Are You?
You Are A Lily
You are a nurturer and all around natural therapist.
People see you as their rock. And they are able to depend on you.
You are a soothing influence. You can make people feel better with a few words.
Your caring has more of an impact than even you realize.
What Kind of Chocolate Are You?
You are Milk Chocolate
A total dreamer, you spend most of your time with your head in the clouds.
You often think of the future, and you are always working toward your ideal life.
Also nostelgic, you rarely forget a meaningful moment... even those from long ago.
What Gemstone Are You?
Your Gemstone is Aquamarine
Intuitive, tranquil, and trusting.
You inspire others to have faith in themselves.
What Color Nail Polish Best Fits You?
http://ynr.blogthings.com/whatcolornailpolishbestfitsyouquiz/
***Your Nail Polish Color is Red***
How you're unique: You have an incredible eye for style and art
Why your style rocks: You are classic and classy - and that's hot!
What this color says about you: "I'm smart, sassy, and sexy. And I know it."
Haha... no I don't... but that's alright! These things make me laugh.
What's Your Inner Eye Color?
Your Inner Eye Color Is Brown
You're smart, thoughtful, and the ideal woman for most men
You are kind and easy to trust. Men open up to you like no one else.
It's this inner warmness that attracts guys - and makes you an instant soulmate.
Because life is all about attracting guys. Hehe. Right. And anyway, I don't much care, I already have the most amazing guy in the world. :)
5:28 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Sunday, April 09, 2006
Lalala
Current mood: sick
Category: Quiz/Survey
^ Though there is a problem with that title, since I can't even talk right now, much less sing. But that's alright, I thought it just sounded fun anyway.
ONE ANSWER QUESTIONS
Fill out using only one word!... much harder then it sounds...
1. Yourself: uuuuuugggggghhhhhh
2. Your Love Life: BEAUTIFUL
3. Your Hair: wet
4. Your Mother: friend
5. Your Father: wise
6. Your Favorite Item/Items: U2-iPod
7. Your Dream Last Night: confusing
8. Your Favorite Drink: fr/cappuccino
9. Your Dream Home: family
10. The Room You Are In: books!!!
11. Your Pet: ducktape
12. Who You Are Now: Rachel
14. What You Want to be in Ten Years: wise
15. What You're Not: wise
16. Your Best Friend(s): AMAZING.
17. One of Your Wishlist Items: music
18. Your Gender: female
19. The Last Thing You Did: backspaced
20. What You Are Wearing: warm
21. Your Favorite Weather: dark
22. Your Favorite Book: LotR
23. The Last Thing You Ate: donut-hole
24. Your Life: good
And one more just for fun and because I'm lazy:
10 LAYERS
LAYER ONE: ON THE OUTSIDE
Name: Rachel
Birth date: April 25
Birth place: St. Louis
Current location: in a comfy chair
Eye Color: dark blue
Hair Color: brown
Righty or Lefty: righty
Zodiac Sign: Taurus
LAYER TWO: ON THE INSIDE
Your heritage: Scottish, German, French and English
Your weakness: Two of the bigger ones are perfectionistic inclinations and a tendency towards melancholy
Your fears: elevators!! And hurting other people, and losing my hope
Your perfect pizza: LOTS of sauce... preferably from Papa Johns, with something good like chicken or canadian bacon on it.
Goal you'd like to achieve: I want all my friends to know I love them... don't feel like I've been doing a great job of it recently, but I really do
LAYER THREE: YESTERDAY, TODAY, and TOMORROW:
Your most overused phrase: "Nice" or "Fun"
Your thoughts first waking up: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
Your best physical feature: I have no idea... people comment on my eyes so maybe that....
Your bedtime: when I get there
Your most missed memory: Mexico
LAYER FOUR: YOUR PICK:
Pepsi or Coke: Coca-Cola!!
McDonald's or Burger King: Burger King
Single or group dates: single
Adidas or Nike: Converse!
Lipton Tea or Nestea: COFFEE
Chocolate or vanilla: le chocolat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cappuccino or coffee: both!
LAYER FIVE: DO YOU/ARE YOU?
Smoke:no, but I sound like a smoker today, haha
Cuss: no
Single: Nope!
Take a shower: At least every day
Have a crush: Much more than that, lol
Think you've been in love: Definitely
Want to get married: Yes!!!
Believe in yourself: no
Get motion sickness: yes
Think you're a health freak: somewhat but not obsessively so... I like chocolate, hehe
Get along with your parents: Yes, for the most part
Like thunderstorms: I LOVE them!!
LAYER SIX: IN THE PAST MONTH
Drank alcohol: no
Gone on a date: I don't know if you can call it that or not
Gone to the mall: I don't think so...
Been on stage: A MILLION TIMES (St. Patrick's week, etc.)
Eaten Sushi: no
Been dumped: no
Gone skating: no
Gone skinny dipping: no!
Dyed your hair: and no.
LAYER SEVEN: HAVE YOU EVER
Played a game that required removal of clothing: sorry... no!!!
Gotten beaten up: no
Changed who you were to fit in: yes, in little ways
LAYER EIGHT: GETTING OLDER
Age you hope to be married: I'd better be married by the time I'm 30!!! But I'd like to be married a whole lot earlier
Number of Children: I dunno... more than one, less than 7 haha
Describe your dream wedding: Beautiful... romantic... outside... in June or sometime around then... dancing afterwards... something involving sunsets, maybe, I don't know
How do you want to die: with as little pain as possible
What country would you most like to visit: Scotland
LAYER NINE: IN A GAL/GUY
Best eye color?: whatever best paints a picture of their soul
Best hair color?: brown
Short or long hair: doesn't matter
Height: taller than me
Best first date location: it doesn't matter really... just matters who it's with.
LAYER TEN: IN THE NUMBERS
Number of people I can trust: I'm supposed to be able to count everyone I know and then analyze that?
Number of CD's I own: a lot...
Number of piercing: 2 (ears)
Number of times Ive been on T.V.: at least a couple of times
Number of times my name has appeared in the Newspaper?: more than I've been on tv
Number of scars on my body: a lot, lol
Number of things in my past that I regret: Another thing we're supposed to label with a number??? Craziness
Okay that was a weird quiz....
Currently listening :
Attention All Personnel
By Croft No. Five
Release date: By 01 January, 2002
3:09 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Not much into death metal or whatever it is, but this would be the exception...
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Music
I LOVE this song. This is one song in which the vocal cords are ripped out that I actually like to listen to (of course it helps that the chorus is without such violence). But anyway, I think this song is awesome musically and especially lyrically. The lyrics to this song are poetry... even though the grammar could be a whole lot better, the content is so awesome.
Undying
by Demon Hunter
Ever since the day that I was made Ive been deciding the end
And I was made of wood and stone that wont diminish or bend
So when the heavy hand of death is here to take me away
Ill be the solid grip of time, forever holding my stay
Nobody ever made a force that took a beating like me
I call the earth and every scum to come and try to fight me
Cus when I made the choice to live beyond the dirt that we tread
I felt the curse of mortal limit fall before it was said
Pre-chorus:
When this season ends
Chorus:
One final heart-break
And blinding lights will guide our way
Free us our blind state
They will call us by our name
Undying
Tearing through these days I find the tolerance to strive and push on
I know what lies beyond this life for me is already won
No one can take away the blood that covers over my fall
Without the blood of perfect life I know Im nothing at all
So now I reign forever hallowed in eternitys hand
No man can shake me from the everlasting ground that I stand
(Pre-chorus)
(Chorus)
We are the ones who will still remain when all is laid to waste
We are the ones who, when angels cry, will see them face to face
We are the ones
(Chorus)
Currently listening :
The Triptych
By Demon Hunter
Release date: By 25 October, 2005
1:18 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Leaving...
Current mood: excited
Category: Travel and Places
I'm heading off to one of my favorite places in the world tomorrow... MEXICO!!!!!! I can't wait. I've pretty much got everything packed already, yay. A bunch of youth group people and I will be joining Stevo, Sara and Jennifer at the mission "compound." We'll be working our butts off for a week, yay!! It will be AWESOME!!!! Of course, we do get to go to the Hotel Zone in Cancun on our R&R Day, so we won't be working our butts off then, but it will still be pretty darn awesome even so. :)
I would definitely appreciate your prayers if you're so inclined!!
Goodbye to all the lovely amazing friends I'm leaving behind... have a good week!! And to all my incredible fellow dancer people... I had such a wonderful time with you all this year; you are all so awesome and I'm going to miss you all tons this summer! Have a great summer. And to everyone... goodbye and I'll see you when I see you!
Currently listening :
The Beautiful Letdown
By Switchfoot
Release date: By 25 February, 2003
11:44 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Thursday, June 15, 2006
"But Not Forgotten"
Current mood: nostalgic
Category: Writing and Poetry
I love this poem. It's by one of my favorite poets, Luci Shaw.
There's a lot of things I miss and long for right now, but God is absolutely good.
"But Not Forgotten"
Whether or not I find the missing thing
it will always be
more than my thought of it.
Silver-heavy, somewhere it winks
in its own small privacy
playing
the waiting game with me.
And the real treasures do not vanish.
The precious loses no value
in the spending.
A piece of hope spins out
bright, along the dark, and is not
lost in space;
verity is a burning boomerang;
love is out orbiting and will
come home.
11:05 PM - 3 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Friday, June 23, 2006
On Missing Heavenly and Earthly Loves
Current mood: tired
On Missing Heavenly and Earthly Loves.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
and so we wait
the clock ticks
we wonder when
and it's hard to remember why
sometimes
and so we wait
on the hope of a day
on the hint of a glimpse
of enfolding arms
how long, oh Lord?
we sigh
it's too far for our earth-worn eyes
to see
the distance closing
between our souls
between our needful skin
between our hearts' desiring.
and so we wait
firm in the grip
of time's Orchestrator
and so we trust
in a miracle of death
and the return of life
and the return of love
we gave away.
and there is beauty
in the waiting.
there is loveliness
in hope.
when the angels dance
and the stars sing
for joy in the reunity
it will have been
well worth
the agony.
and so we wait
Currently listening :
Untitled
By The Benjamin Gate
Release date: By 22 May, 2001
1:25 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Thursday, July 06, 2006
MY techno rave dance parties are in FRENCH!
Current mood: silly
Category: Parties and Nightlife
:P Just thought I'd state that fact.
Anyway, I miss those techno rave dance parties the guys had in Mexico, so I thought I'd let you all have one on my myspace page. Yay. :D Have fun dancing. Just watch out for Eric's speedo.
11:41 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Saturday, August 05, 2006
Tagged
Current mood: cheerful
Category: Games
Rules: Once you've been tagged, you have to write a blog with 8 weird things/facts/habits about yourself. In the end, you have to pick 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Finally, you must leave a comment for them and tell them to read yours.
Tag!
1) I can do the forward splits. (I'm very proud... it took me FOREVER to get there!)
2) I can also beat up you and your mom with my super Irish hard shoe moves. Lol... seriously... the "taps" on hardshoes aren't taps at all... they're made from super-hard fiberglass. I know they're super-hard because when you try to do a click and hit your ankle instead, it HURTS LIKE HECK.
3) I like some forms of techno music... not so much the really poppy sounding stuff, but there's some other kinds that are just plain beautiful I think....
4) I like to wear makeup not because I think I'm ugly without it, but because I treat it like art... it's fun to do and I can be creative with it.
5) The Molten from Chili's is HEAVEN.
6) My ancestors in Scotland and my clan were outlawed because they outwitted another clan that was the King's favorite... if anyone kept the name of MacGregor, it was considered lawful for them to be hunted and killed for sport. However, they also happened to be really tough warriors... so most of them survived, although they were scattered and many ended up changing their names. Which is we are Magruders instead of MacGregors. And partly why my dad's family lives in America instead of Scotland.
7) I love to sing. My voice is really weird I think... not very suitable for classical or popular music I don't think, but it lends itself very well to Celtic music I've been told. Which is good because that's my favorite style to sing.
8) I like to listen to bagpipe music loud in my car with the windows rolled down. I sometimes try to dance to it, too. The Rogues ROCK. :D
Heh... I really don't feel like "tagging" anyone else now... but if anyone wants to do this feel free to!
11:54 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Sunday, September 10, 2006
"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus...."
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Writing and Poetry
Sometimes sin
seems like breathing
toxicity
this guilt overwhelms me.
I failed
again
and where were You?
Never-ending wrestling with flesh
and with You
as long as I breath, I will be poisoned.
God save me!
Will this cycle never end?
"No condemnation"
as weak as I am--His blood is there also
I am clean, I know,
yet I haven't stopped breathing.
Perhaps
a lesson
is more vital
than being comfortable.
Perhaps
perseverance
in His endless grace
is more perfect
than complacent sinlessness.
Perhaps
this war against gravity
this pull towards depravity
shows me my close proximity
to the ground,
but unveils as well the force that propels
me to the stars
and the hope of fresh air beyond.
Currently listening :
Good Monsters
By Jars of Clay
Release date: By 05 September, 2006
3:31 PM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Friday, October 20, 2006
I really need prayer. And maybe a few hugs, too.
Current mood: blah
Category: Life
Okay everyone, I don't know when anyone is going to read this but I really feel like I need prayer. I guess I need to explain a bit.
So I've always had a lot of health problems... it started with allergies when I was 12 or 13 and ever since it's been getting worse and worse. I started having weird stomach problems. First I was diagnosed with lactose intolerance, and that helped a little, but eventually I went to see a doctor who specializes in such things and after being put through a few tests, he said that my gall bladder (it helps digest stuff) didn't work and I needed to have it removed. So... I had that surgery when I was 17... one of my least favorite memories ever. It includes the most painful experiences I've ever had to go through. But it helped a whole lot and after I recovered, everything seemed fixed... for awhile.
This year it's gotten as bad or worse than it was before. Just the whole year, it's gotten steadily worse and worse. Now, I can't eat ANYTHING without feeling sick afterwards. It's a different kind of sick feeling than I used to get before I had surgery, I think, so it must be something else. When I went to the doctor last (not the one who solved the problem the first time; he's not on our insurance anymore), he said that all the stomach problems were probably triggered by allergies and other things such as tiredness and stress levels, which I think is true to some extent, because if I'm feeling bad in any other way my stomach will usually end up feeling bad too. But I'm just SICK of this. I'm almost never hungry anymore; I always feel not hungry or sick. These past few days have been the worst. Last night I was up really late. I almost had a panic attack because I felt so bad (I've had more panic attacks because of my stomach than I can count). When I finally got to bed I couldn't sleep very well; I had to prop myself up in bed so my stomach wouldn't feel too bad, and every time I went to sleep I'd slide down, which would make me wake up because my stomach would start feeling bad again. It was like that all night. And today, I tried to eat breakfast and could barely get a few bites of oatmeal down before I started feeling bad again. Then at lunch I could barely eat half a sandwich. I don't know what to do. I don't want to starve myself, but every time I eat I end up feeling horrible. I do it anyway, but I really can't get down all that much. I'm really scared... I wonder if something's really really wrong with me. I need to see that one doctor again but I can't because he's not on our insurance anymore.
It's so hard to trust God with this. I constantly need to be reminded of His plan... He is my Father and I know He loves me and cares for me, but I have a feeling that He might not take care of me in the way I want Him to. What if I never get better until Heaven? At least I can hope in the promises of Heaven, but here on Earth, maybe I'll just have to suffer. I know He's taught me so much through this already, and I'm thankful for that. It's really shaped my character a lot. So in a way, I thank God for my problems. But at the same time, I'm just so sick and tired of it all. I don't know how to handle it anymore.
And I feel bad, too, because I know so many people have much worse problems than me. I should count my blessings I know. But I can't compare when I feel like I'm on the verge of throwing up. No one is normal but I so want to be "normal" in this area.
I also feel like some of this is a spiritual attack. I get these panic attacks, for one. And also, I seem to be constantly wavering between desperately hoping for a better day and trying to make myself numb to it all. Again, I have trouble focusing on God in this. I guess I just need prayer.
Thank you all for listening to my rather pathetic rantings. Again, I'd really appreciate your prayers. I love you all!
Rachel
6:15 PM - 6 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
posted by Rachel @ 12:14 AM
7 comments
