Finals are definitely less fun than being trampled by a pack of screaming lemurs.

Current mood: irritated
Category: School, College, Greek

Bleh.

I love linguistics, and I had a great class this year and a great teacher, but WHY THE HECK DID THE STUPID FINAL HAVE TO BE 2 1/2 HOURS LONG?!?!?!? The freakin thing was like 10 pages long... 10 pages full of a million things to remember and analyze and write and essay about and argue for and against and work my brain to pieces.... It was definitely one of the hardest finals I've ever taken. What made it worse was that for some reason unbeknownst to me, I was the most anxious; the most tense I have ever been for any test. I was shaking the whole 2 1/2 hours. It was horrible... I felt like throwing up. I almost never get like that.

I think I did okay, though. Not extremely great, but I didn't flunk it, I don't think. I think I'll still get an A in the class.

I felt so bad after that final though... Stephen drove me home and helped me relax a bit. I collapsed on the couch, and I ended up taking a nap after he left. I've been so short on sleep lately because of my stomach problems, so I'm sure that's part of all this. But anyway, I couldn't go to Wildlife, which just about killed me because it's shepherding groups and I missed last week, too. :( But it felt so nice to just lay there and not move. After awhile I felt alive enough to eat something, and I'm feeling better now. So yay.

But I'm ready for finals to be OVER.

More catching up...

This is a good way to procrastinate on finals. :)

~~~

Saturday, November 04, 2006


Update

Current mood: hopeful
Category: Life

First of all, thank you everyone for being so encouraging to me! A few things have happened since I last wrote, so I thought I'd fill you all in.... Let's see, I went to the doctor not too long after I wrote, and he thinks it's just that my stomach produces way too much acid. He gave me this medicine to take for a month, and it's been helping a lot... I don't get sick every time I eat anymore, and if I do, it's usually a long time afterwards instead of the moment after I finish or while I'm still eating like it was before. I've also got my appetite back, for the most part, and I can eat decent portions of food. So yay!!! But that isn't to say the problem is solved yet... I still feel sick almost once a day, and I haven't had much of an appetite for supper. I don't think we've quite gotten to the bottom of this yet, and I still need prayer. But it is a lot better, and I feel like I can actually behave more like a normal person again. :) Thank you all for your prayers and encouragement! I love all of you!

Rachel

Currently listening :
Black Holes and Revelations
By Muse


~~~


Wednesday, November 22, 2006


Not as we expected.

Current mood: thankful
Category: Life

...life never is. As long as He's making us more like His Son, God isn't content with stagnant complacency. We must be changed, we must grow, and if that means our lives from our point of view are turned upside-down in the process, then hallelujah! He knows what's best for us, and we can trust in His love.

My life isn't exactly upside-down right now, but I thought it was about time that I posted another update. The last one ended up being written a bit too hastily. Turns out the medicine didn't help, and I was still stuck with the same problems as ever. But we've turned a corner, I think. And I know that had a lot to do with prayer! One week in particular, I was feeling especially bad and I asked many people to pray for me. I was starting to feel really scared... all the millions of horrid possibilities of what could be wrong with me started coming down on my head. I looked up a few of my worst fears on the internet, and it didn't help to see that I had some of the same symptoms as someone might have with stomach cancer, for instance. I couldn't stand it anymore... something needed to happen to get me out of this rut, and God would have to be the one to make it happen, I knew. So I prayed even harder... and I asked others to pray too. And it seemed like even if I wasn't asking I would hear that others were praying for me, anyway. It was really encouraging.

And God did make something happen. That same week my parents were able to get a hold of a new doctor and some other people who had really great suggestions. It's a long story, but a week or so ago we pretty much came to the conclusion that I'm celiac... in other words, I'm gluten intolerant, which means that my body can't handle anything with wheat and some other grains in it. At first that idea was really hard for me to deal with because being gluten intolerant requires a huge diet change. At first, I thought I wouldn't be able to eat out anywhere or have almost any of my favorite foods anymore, for the rest of my life. But my parents did some research and it looks like it might not be that bad after all. There's gluten-free food in many restaurants and also there's some good substitutes for flour and other stuff. Plus, there's a huge amount of people who are gluten intolerant, so there's more resources and help available.

So I feel a bit better about it now, though it's still hard. It's certainly better than stomach cancer, though! I'm really thankful for what God's been doing. This has all been a huge growing experience for me. I've learned that I really don't have very much faith, and I have a really hard time with hope, as well. But God's working on me in those areas and I feel confident that when I feel better (and I actually believe I'll feel better someday, now) I'll be so much better off for having gone through all this.

Thank you all so much for your encouragement and prayers! I would still appreciate your prayers, as this is a long, hard road, and I'm still struggling a lot. Pray that I would be healed, if it's God's will. I know He will help me.

I love you all!

Rache

Currently listening :
Comatose
By Skillet

~~~

Sigh... enough procrastination... finals = bleh.

That pretty much updates you all, though. Hopefully after school's over I can write something more. Hope you all are doing well and my prayers are with you all for your finals!

Rachel

It's been a long time!

So... I was jolted back into the world of this blog when a few of you commented recently... I had almost completely forgotten about this! Awhile back I joined facebook and myspace and all that and when I do have time to do much computer stuff, I've usually been going there. But some of you aren't on either of those, so I guess that isn't really fair to you! I'm sorry!

My main problem, though, I think, is I've just been so insanely busy. Especially last week and this week—I'm in my sophomore year of college now, and it's midterms time. Oh joy! ;) So yeah, this semester has been really good but also really hard juggling everything... school, dance, work (I teach an Irish dance class in Noble now), shepherding the 6th grade girls at church, spending time with family, friends, boyfriend... it all adds up pretty fast. But really, I guess being busy is nothing new for me, lol. Anyway, I really need to get to sleep because I have dance (modern and hip-hop) tomorrow morning immediately followed by part 1 of my linguistics class midterm (part 2 is Friday), then Hebrew, then a composition due in French, then allergy shot time, then Wildlife (the jr. high youth group), then going with Stevo to a party with his bible study... some of that is good stuff, some of it isn't necessarily so good, but regardless, I need a lot of sleep!

I think what I'll do for now is just post everything I've posted on myspace over the past year. Not that it's much. But it will do for now I guess until I can get a better post in. I love you all!

Rache



Monday, April 03, 2006

Fun!
Current mood: loved


What Flower Are You?
You Are A Lily

You are a nurturer and all around natural therapist.

People see you as their rock. And they are able to depend on you.

You are a soothing influence. You can make people feel better with a few words.

Your caring has more of an impact than even you realize.



What Kind of Chocolate Are You?
You are Milk Chocolate

A total dreamer, you spend most of your time with your head in the clouds.

You often think of the future, and you are always working toward your ideal life.

Also nostelgic, you rarely forget a meaningful moment... even those from long ago.



What Gemstone Are You?
Your Gemstone is Aquamarine

Intuitive, tranquil, and trusting.

You inspire others to have faith in themselves.



What Color Nail Polish Best Fits You?
http://ynr.blogthings.com/whatcolornailpolishbestfitsyouquiz/

***Your Nail Polish Color is Red***


How you're unique: You have an incredible eye for style and art

Why your style rocks: You are classic and classy - and that's hot!

What this color says about you: "I'm smart, sassy, and sexy. And I know it."


Haha... no I don't... but that's alright! These things make me laugh.



What's Your Inner Eye Color?
Your Inner Eye Color Is Brown

You're smart, thoughtful, and the ideal woman for most men

You are kind and easy to trust. Men open up to you like no one else.

It's this inner warmness that attracts guys - and makes you an instant soulmate.


Because life is all about attracting guys. Hehe. Right. And anyway, I don't much care, I already have the most amazing guy in the world. :)

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Sunday, April 09, 2006


Lalala
Current mood: sick
Category: Quiz/Survey

^ Though there is a problem with that title, since I can't even talk right now, much less sing. But that's alright, I thought it just sounded fun anyway.

ONE ANSWER QUESTIONS
Fill out using only one word!... much harder then it sounds...

1. Yourself: uuuuuugggggghhhhhh

2. Your Love Life: BEAUTIFUL

3. Your Hair: wet

4. Your Mother: friend

5. Your Father: wise

6. Your Favorite Item/Items: U2-iPod

7. Your Dream Last Night: confusing

8. Your Favorite Drink: fr/cappuccino

9. Your Dream Home: family

10. The Room You Are In: books!!!

11. Your Pet: ducktape

12. Who You Are Now: Rachel

14. What You Want to be in Ten Years: wise

15. What You're Not: wise

16. Your Best Friend(s): AMAZING.

17. One of Your Wishlist Items: music

18. Your Gender: female

19. The Last Thing You Did: backspaced

20. What You Are Wearing: warm

21. Your Favorite Weather: dark

22. Your Favorite Book: LotR

23. The Last Thing You Ate: donut-hole

24. Your Life: good


And one more just for fun and because I'm lazy:

10 LAYERS

LAYER ONE: ON THE OUTSIDE
Name: Rachel
Birth date: April 25
Birth place: St. Louis
Current location: in a comfy chair
Eye Color: dark blue
Hair Color: brown
Righty or Lefty: righty
Zodiac Sign: Taurus

LAYER TWO: ON THE INSIDE
Your heritage: Scottish, German, French and English
Your weakness: Two of the bigger ones are perfectionistic inclinations and a tendency towards melancholy
Your fears: elevators!! And hurting other people, and losing my hope
Your perfect pizza: LOTS of sauce... preferably from Papa Johns, with something good like chicken or canadian bacon on it.
Goal you'd like to achieve: I want all my friends to know I love them... don't feel like I've been doing a great job of it recently, but I really do

LAYER THREE: YESTERDAY, TODAY, and TOMORROW:
Your most overused phrase: "Nice" or "Fun"
Your thoughts first waking up: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
Your best physical feature: I have no idea... people comment on my eyes so maybe that....
Your bedtime: when I get there
Your most missed memory: Mexico

LAYER FOUR: YOUR PICK:
Pepsi or Coke: Coca-Cola!!
McDonald's or Burger King: Burger King
Single or group dates: single
Adidas or Nike: Converse!
Lipton Tea or Nestea: COFFEE
Chocolate or vanilla: le chocolat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cappuccino or coffee: both!

LAYER FIVE: DO YOU/ARE YOU?
Smoke:no, but I sound like a smoker today, haha
Cuss: no
Single: Nope!
Take a shower: At least every day
Have a crush: Much more than that, lol
Think you've been in love: Definitely
Want to get married: Yes!!!
Believe in yourself: no
Get motion sickness: yes
Think you're a health freak: somewhat but not obsessively so... I like chocolate, hehe
Get along with your parents: Yes, for the most part
Like thunderstorms: I LOVE them!!

LAYER SIX: IN THE PAST MONTH
Drank alcohol: no
Gone on a date: I don't know if you can call it that or not
Gone to the mall: I don't think so...
Been on stage: A MILLION TIMES (St. Patrick's week, etc.)
Eaten Sushi: no
Been dumped: no
Gone skating: no
Gone skinny dipping: no!
Dyed your hair: and no.

LAYER SEVEN: HAVE YOU EVER
Played a game that required removal of clothing: sorry... no!!!
Gotten beaten up: no
Changed who you were to fit in: yes, in little ways

LAYER EIGHT: GETTING OLDER
Age you hope to be married: I'd better be married by the time I'm 30!!! But I'd like to be married a whole lot earlier
Number of Children: I dunno... more than one, less than 7 haha
Describe your dream wedding: Beautiful... romantic... outside... in June or sometime around then... dancing afterwards... something involving sunsets, maybe, I don't know
How do you want to die: with as little pain as possible
What country would you most like to visit: Scotland

LAYER NINE: IN A GAL/GUY
Best eye color?: whatever best paints a picture of their soul
Best hair color?: brown
Short or long hair: doesn't matter
Height: taller than me
Best first date location: it doesn't matter really... just matters who it's with.

LAYER TEN: IN THE NUMBERS
Number of people I can trust: I'm supposed to be able to count everyone I know and then analyze that?
Number of CD's I own: a lot...
Number of piercing: 2 (ears)
Number of times Ive been on T.V.: at least a couple of times
Number of times my name has appeared in the Newspaper?: more than I've been on tv
Number of scars on my body: a lot, lol
Number of things in my past that I regret: Another thing we're supposed to label with a number??? Craziness

Okay that was a weird quiz....

Currently listening :
Attention All Personnel
By Croft No. Five
Release date: By 01 January, 2002

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Tuesday, May 23, 2006


Not much into death metal or whatever it is, but this would be the exception...
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Music

I LOVE this song. This is one song in which the vocal cords are ripped out that I actually like to listen to (of course it helps that the chorus is without such violence). But anyway, I think this song is awesome musically and especially lyrically. The lyrics to this song are poetry... even though the grammar could be a whole lot better, the content is so awesome.

Undying
by Demon Hunter

Ever since the day that I was made Ive been deciding the end
And I was made of wood and stone that wont diminish or bend
So when the heavy hand of death is here to take me away
Ill be the solid grip of time, forever holding my stay
Nobody ever made a force that took a beating like me
I call the earth and every scum to come and try to fight me
Cus when I made the choice to live beyond the dirt that we tread
I felt the curse of mortal limit fall before it was said

Pre-chorus:
When this season ends

Chorus:
One final heart-break
And blinding lights will guide our way
Free us our blind state
They will call us by our name
Undying

Tearing through these days I find the tolerance to strive and push on
I know what lies beyond this life for me is already won
No one can take away the blood that covers over my fall
Without the blood of perfect life I know Im nothing at all
So now I reign forever hallowed in eternitys hand
No man can shake me from the everlasting ground that I stand

(Pre-chorus)

(Chorus)

We are the ones who will still remain when all is laid to waste
We are the ones who, when angels cry, will see them face to face
We are the ones

(Chorus)

Currently listening :
The Triptych
By Demon Hunter
Release date: By 25 October, 2005

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Tuesday, June 06, 2006


Leaving...
Current mood: excited
Category: Travel and Places

I'm heading off to one of my favorite places in the world tomorrow... MEXICO!!!!!! I can't wait. I've pretty much got everything packed already, yay. A bunch of youth group people and I will be joining Stevo, Sara and Jennifer at the mission "compound." We'll be working our butts off for a week, yay!! It will be AWESOME!!!! Of course, we do get to go to the Hotel Zone in Cancun on our R&R Day, so we won't be working our butts off then, but it will still be pretty darn awesome even so. :)

I would definitely appreciate your prayers if you're so inclined!!

Goodbye to all the lovely amazing friends I'm leaving behind... have a good week!! And to all my incredible fellow dancer people... I had such a wonderful time with you all this year; you are all so awesome and I'm going to miss you all tons this summer! Have a great summer. And to everyone... goodbye and I'll see you when I see you!

Currently listening :
The Beautiful Letdown
By Switchfoot
Release date: By 25 February, 2003

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Thursday, June 15, 2006


"But Not Forgotten"
Current mood: nostalgic
Category: Writing and Poetry

I love this poem. It's by one of my favorite poets, Luci Shaw.

There's a lot of things I miss and long for right now, but God is absolutely good.

"But Not Forgotten"

Whether or not I find the missing thing
it will always be
more than my thought of it.
Silver-heavy, somewhere it winks
in its own small privacy
playing
the waiting game with me.

And the real treasures do not vanish.
The precious loses no value
in the spending.
A piece of hope spins out
bright, along the dark, and is not
lost in space;
verity is a burning boomerang;
love is out orbiting and will
come home.

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Friday, June 23, 2006


On Missing Heavenly and Earthly Loves
Current mood: tired

On Missing Heavenly and Earthly Loves.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

and so we wait
the clock ticks
we wonder when
and it's hard to remember why
sometimes

and so we wait
on the hope of a day
on the hint of a glimpse
of enfolding arms

how long, oh Lord?
we sigh
it's too far for our earth-worn eyes
to see
the distance closing
between our souls
between our needful skin
between our hearts' desiring.

and so we wait
firm in the grip
of time's Orchestrator

and so we trust
in a miracle of death
and the return of life
and the return of love
we gave away.

and there is beauty
in the waiting.
there is loveliness
in hope.
when the angels dance
and the stars sing
for joy in the reunity
it will have been
well worth
the agony.

and so we wait



Currently listening :
Untitled
By The Benjamin Gate
Release date: By 22 May, 2001

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Thursday, July 06, 2006


MY techno rave dance parties are in FRENCH!
Current mood: silly
Category: Parties and Nightlife

:P Just thought I'd state that fact.

Anyway, I miss those techno rave dance parties the guys had in Mexico, so I thought I'd let you all have one on my myspace page. Yay. :D Have fun dancing. Just watch out for Eric's speedo.

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Saturday, August 05, 2006


Tagged
Current mood: cheerful
Category: Games

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you have to write a blog with 8 weird things/facts/habits about yourself. In the end, you have to pick 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Finally, you must leave a comment for them and tell them to read yours.

Tag!

1) I can do the forward splits. (I'm very proud... it took me FOREVER to get there!)

2) I can also beat up you and your mom with my super Irish hard shoe moves. Lol... seriously... the "taps" on hardshoes aren't taps at all... they're made from super-hard fiberglass. I know they're super-hard because when you try to do a click and hit your ankle instead, it HURTS LIKE HECK.

3) I like some forms of techno music... not so much the really poppy sounding stuff, but there's some other kinds that are just plain beautiful I think....

4) I like to wear makeup not because I think I'm ugly without it, but because I treat it like art... it's fun to do and I can be creative with it.

5) The Molten from Chili's is HEAVEN.

6) My ancestors in Scotland and my clan were outlawed because they outwitted another clan that was the King's favorite... if anyone kept the name of MacGregor, it was considered lawful for them to be hunted and killed for sport. However, they also happened to be really tough warriors... so most of them survived, although they were scattered and many ended up changing their names. Which is we are Magruders instead of MacGregors. And partly why my dad's family lives in America instead of Scotland.

7) I love to sing. My voice is really weird I think... not very suitable for classical or popular music I don't think, but it lends itself very well to Celtic music I've been told. Which is good because that's my favorite style to sing.

8) I like to listen to bagpipe music loud in my car with the windows rolled down. I sometimes try to dance to it, too. The Rogues ROCK. :D

Heh... I really don't feel like "tagging" anyone else now... but if anyone wants to do this feel free to!

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Sunday, September 10, 2006


"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus...."
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Writing and Poetry

Sometimes sin
seems like breathing
toxicity
this guilt overwhelms me.
I failed
again
and where were You?
Never-ending wrestling with flesh
and with You
as long as I breath, I will be poisoned.
God save me!
Will this cycle never end?
"No condemnation"
as weak as I am--His blood is there also
I am clean, I know,
yet I haven't stopped breathing.

Perhaps
a lesson
is more vital
than being comfortable.
Perhaps
perseverance
in His endless grace
is more perfect
than complacent sinlessness.
Perhaps
this war against gravity
this pull towards depravity
shows me my close proximity
to the ground,
but unveils as well the force that propels
me to the stars
and the hope of fresh air beyond.


Currently listening :
Good Monsters
By Jars of Clay
Release date: By 05 September, 2006

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Friday, October 20, 2006


I really need prayer. And maybe a few hugs, too.
Current mood: blah
Category: Life

Okay everyone, I don't know when anyone is going to read this but I really feel like I need prayer. I guess I need to explain a bit.

So I've always had a lot of health problems... it started with allergies when I was 12 or 13 and ever since it's been getting worse and worse. I started having weird stomach problems. First I was diagnosed with lactose intolerance, and that helped a little, but eventually I went to see a doctor who specializes in such things and after being put through a few tests, he said that my gall bladder (it helps digest stuff) didn't work and I needed to have it removed. So... I had that surgery when I was 17... one of my least favorite memories ever. It includes the most painful experiences I've ever had to go through. But it helped a whole lot and after I recovered, everything seemed fixed... for awhile.

This year it's gotten as bad or worse than it was before. Just the whole year, it's gotten steadily worse and worse. Now, I can't eat ANYTHING without feeling sick afterwards. It's a different kind of sick feeling than I used to get before I had surgery, I think, so it must be something else. When I went to the doctor last (not the one who solved the problem the first time; he's not on our insurance anymore), he said that all the stomach problems were probably triggered by allergies and other things such as tiredness and stress levels, which I think is true to some extent, because if I'm feeling bad in any other way my stomach will usually end up feeling bad too. But I'm just SICK of this. I'm almost never hungry anymore; I always feel not hungry or sick. These past few days have been the worst. Last night I was up really late. I almost had a panic attack because I felt so bad (I've had more panic attacks because of my stomach than I can count). When I finally got to bed I couldn't sleep very well; I had to prop myself up in bed so my stomach wouldn't feel too bad, and every time I went to sleep I'd slide down, which would make me wake up because my stomach would start feeling bad again. It was like that all night. And today, I tried to eat breakfast and could barely get a few bites of oatmeal down before I started feeling bad again. Then at lunch I could barely eat half a sandwich. I don't know what to do. I don't want to starve myself, but every time I eat I end up feeling horrible. I do it anyway, but I really can't get down all that much. I'm really scared... I wonder if something's really really wrong with me. I need to see that one doctor again but I can't because he's not on our insurance anymore.

It's so hard to trust God with this. I constantly need to be reminded of His plan... He is my Father and I know He loves me and cares for me, but I have a feeling that He might not take care of me in the way I want Him to. What if I never get better until Heaven? At least I can hope in the promises of Heaven, but here on Earth, maybe I'll just have to suffer. I know He's taught me so much through this already, and I'm thankful for that. It's really shaped my character a lot. So in a way, I thank God for my problems. But at the same time, I'm just so sick and tired of it all. I don't know how to handle it anymore.

And I feel bad, too, because I know so many people have much worse problems than me. I should count my blessings I know. But I can't compare when I feel like I'm on the verge of throwing up. No one is normal but I so want to be "normal" in this area.

I also feel like some of this is a spiritual attack. I get these panic attacks, for one. And also, I seem to be constantly wavering between desperately hoping for a better day and trying to make myself numb to it all. Again, I have trouble focusing on God in this. I guess I just need prayer.

Thank you all for listening to my rather pathetic rantings. Again, I'd really appreciate your prayers. I love you all!

Rachel

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Time for another update!

Wow... a lot can happen in a month! And it's been more than that, so I suppose it's time for me to write something again. It might be a bunch of random somethings, though.

Lol, the only reason I have time to do this is that my English class had its little evaluation thing today so it only lasted 10 minutes. Now I'm just hanging out in the library until French. :)

ONLY TWO AND A HALF MORE WEEKS LEFT UNTIL SCHOOL'S OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow. This semester has gone a lot faster than the last one! I can't believe my first year in college is almost over. I'm ready for it to be over right now... I'm so insanely busy right now. Today's my birthday but I've been forgetting it all the time this past week... just too much else to think about. Besides, I'm not exactly pumped about being a year shy of 20... I'm not exactly upset either. It's weird.

So yeah... between running the last leg of school, dancing 10 hours a week plus performances, going on tour with my choir and getting ready for our concert this Thursday, being a youth group support staffer, being involved in 3 Bible studies, going to a prom, teaching hammered dulcimer lessons and starting a job with Arbonne, spending some time with friends and attempting to find time to clean my room and do laundry once in awhile haha... I'm a little busy right now! It's all awesome stuff I'm doing though and I wouldn't stop any of it... well except maybe some of the school, lol. I do feel like I'm where God wants me to be right now, though, and I'm incredibly happy with where He's put me. I love all the stuff I've been doing! It has been a little stressful at times, though, when it all comes crashing down on my head at the same time.

I am excited though, because after school's out, I'll have a lot more time on my hands. It's been sooooo disappointing this year... I feel like I've really been horrible at dance this year because I just haven't had time to practice at all. Last year I practiced almost every day. I remembered most if not all of the steps, I was prepared for each class, I actually sometimes felt like I was doing somewhat good... and this year it's just been crazy. I've really enjoyed it, of course, but I just feel like I've been doing a really bad job. So yeah... I'm looking forward to having time to get some practicing in. And maybe to choreograph a dance or two, hehe.

Last weekend, though insane, was AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!! First of all my choir tour was on Thursday. We sang at a few schools did a nice hour long show at the capitol, plus went out for lunch at Spaghetti Warehouse and visited the Bombing Memorial. I really enjoyed spending time with my choir friends and getting to know some of them more. It was an awesome but looooong day. The next morning was the parade, and our troupe danced in it!! It was so much fun!! Perfect weather, though a bit hot for us. Problem was, we hadn't had practice in awhile, so although we had been in hardshoes a lot it hadn't been as much as normal. All this is to say that most of us got HUGE blisters... I had one on the ball of my foot at least an inch wide. Hehe... it was lovely. But painful. Now it's turned into a callous though, so yay. More protection for my poor feet... now I'm really having to remember that verse, "How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!"

Immediately after that, I went home to take a shower, eat, somewhat rest while doing that, get my stuff together and head over to Kaitlin's house to get ready for the prom! Stephen and I were going to his prom that night!!! And the homeschool prom happened to be on the same night, so Kaitlin, Sara, Lora, Kara, Hannah and I all got ready together. We went to go get our hair done, too... much fun!! Though a little stressful because I was already really tired and I had been running late to everything all day. So that was kind of hard. But as soon as I walked down the stairs and saw Stephen looking absolutely amazing in his tux, I felt a whole lot better hehe. Actually it was God, but still Stephen did look absolutely amazing in his tux. ;)

Prom was AWESOME. AWESOME. AWESOME. AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wow. I really don't know what else to say except that GOD IS SOOOOOOOOOOOO COOL. And Stephen rocks my world. :)

Pics should be up on our website or maybe here as soon as we can get them, though it might be a bit.

I did have a little trouble staying awake the next day though... I didn't go to sleep until 7 am because of the afterparty! It was sooo fun though. I woke up in time to go to the Mexico fundraiser dinner at our church for lunch, and then head over to our last real troupe practice of the year... sigh! I can't believe it's already that time of year again! The recital is coming up... I can't wait!

And after the recital... MEXICO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM SO FREAKIN EXCITED ABOUT MEXICO THIS YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!! I've been missing it all year... now I am SOOO ready to go back. I miss it so insanely much. Hmm... sometimes I wonder why I don't feel like I do in Mexico all the time... I mean, the best thing about Mexico is seeing so clearly God working, and often seeing him use me. Also just getting a sense of God's love and holiness and power and beauty. But all that is true all the time... I wonder how to break out of the ordinary while still being in my ordinary world? I guess that's a goal of mine. I've seen it in a lot of ways, like through dance or through Stephen or through Wildlife or a lot of other things actually, but I am so not there yet. But that's okay... none of us are I guess.

See you all later!

Rachel

Prayer requests...

Hey everyone, could you please be praying for my shins? We have two 30-minute dance performances today and I'm limping right now... probably due to a crazy floor we danced on last night, hehe. Hannah's shins probably aren't doing too well either. We would appreciate your prayers! And also pray that it doesn't start raining tomorrow until AFTER the St. Patrick's Day parade (sometime midafternoon)!

Also, in case you didn't know, Stephen broke his ankle... not the part that most people break, but another, harder to heal part. They are going in today to get the cast probably and they'll find out how long he has to wear it... pray that it's not very long and especially that it doesn't cut into his trip to Mexico, beginning in late May. And also pray for him... because being Stephen involves doing a lot of active stuff like climbing trees, rock climbing, riding his bike, taking a million risks and all that (which is not why the ankle got broken... it was that STUPID TREE's fault!! it grew too high!) and I can imagine he's probably going to get a little frustrated with not being able to.

Thanks everyone!

Oh... one more note... if you read the Norman Transcript, feel free to laugh at the article about us... I completely burst out laughing. A WHOLE lot of it is made up. The first half at least is completely twisted... makes us sound like crusading evangelists, lol. The line about us being professional dancers stepping out of the limelight and into the common good is the best, though! Haha... I'm still reeling from that one.... Yeah, just in case you didn't know, I was a famous, professional Irish dancer for many years before joining the troupe. :D

Hey, at least it's publicity... and the second half wasn't so bad... it was pretty darn funny, though. And in the picture I look like I'm grimacing from pain (though come to think of it, at that moment I probably was...). :D

Fun Quizzy-like Thing

My life in a nutshell at...

15 years ago: I was 3, almost 4. I lived here here in Norman in one of those ugly beige box apartments across the street from the duck pond. I was getting used to having a little sister and we were best friends by then, of course. I couldn't say my Ls; they'd come out as Ys. I loved being tickled. I loved being outdoors... riding my tricycle, going to the duckpond, going to the parks to fly kites or play on playgrounds. My favorite thing in the world was swinging (hehe, still is one of my favorite things). I didn't like chocolate then... my theory now is that I had one too many pieces of chocolate with peanuts in it, so that tainted my view of chocolate in general. I've always had the most wild imagination and I used to pretend to be everyone BUT Rachel... but it was more than pretending for me, it was REAL. I was Handel (the composer), Christi Yamaguchi (sp?), Beauty from Beauty and the Beast, Prince Eric from the Little Mermaid (don't ask me why...), my mom, my mom's friend Lori who played the trumpet, and anyone/anything else that caught my eye. I was ESPECIALLY Clara, from the Nutcracker. I put on my little dancing leotard and tutu and danced for anyone and everyone who would watch. I knew the entire Nutcracker ballet by heart, pretty much.

Ten years ago: I was 8 years old, almost 9. I lived in our first house in Shawnee. I had just seen the Star Wars movies for the first time and was rapidly on my way to being obsessed. I was crazy about Amy Grant but was just discovering two bands I would soon like much, much better: dc Talk and Jars of Clay. I missed my jazz dance classes terribly from the year before and I loved to rock it out in my room (when Hannah or Mom weren't in there with me). I was so painfully shy that mom had to drag me kicking and screaming to my first choir lesson, and even afterwards, though I admitted I loved choir, I was too shy to talk to anyone there. I had a pet hamster named Harriet and I loved her to death. Hannah and I would spend the day playing all sorts of pretend (what had changed?). A typical day could include a singing concert, a meeting with Hannah in our "secret clubhouse" (behind Dad's chair in the study) for one of our many "secret clubs," a lunch over which Hannah and I would pretend to be from different countries, going outside to climb trees, a treasure hunt, a mission to go exploring in the park behind our backyard, swinging on the tree swing out front, playing with baby dolls, reading dinosaur books (and fantasy books, and picture books, and well, books in general), attempting to teach myself Greek or Hebrew, and putting on an evening performance of Cinderella for our parents, in which I played Cinderella and Hannah played... well, everyone else.

Five Years ago: I was 13, almost 14, in 8th grade. I had recently moved back to Norman from Missouri. I had just gone to Student Conference with the youth group and I had had an absolutely wonderful time. I loved Wildwood and the youth group and really felt for the first time in a long time that I belonged somewhere. The month before, I had finished making an awesome half-hour movie parody of News 9, called News 1552, with Hannah and our friend Michelle. I was still pretty crazy about Star Wars, but my Dad was reading aloud to us every night the Lord of the Rings (we were on Return of the King), and I was starting to have a new passion as well. I was hearing rumors of some Lord of the Rings movies to come someday in the future. I wanted to be a Jedi Knight. Dad telling me I was like Arwen (in the books; again this was before the movies) was to me one of the most wonderful compliments. With friends and outside of home I was having a wonderful time, but at home I wasn't doing so well. My family is really close and was doing awesome, but my allergies were horrible, and overall my health wasn't doing too good. I was depressed and suffered from panic attacks almost every night. If I remember right, for long periods of time I wouldn't be able to sleep without someone with me, but I've tried to block most of the memories from my mind. I got really a lot closer to God through all of this, and I was growing a lot spiritually.

Last year: I was getting close to being 18, and I was feeling the effects of nearing the end of my senior year. I was so busy with dance, choir, school, scholarships, college applications, senior class, church, etc. but I was loving it all (okay, except the college prep stuff). God had given me a lot of close friends, which was awesome. I was crazy about dance and praising God through it (still pretty much am). I was far enough away from graduation that I wasn't too scared about college, yet, but just close enough that I was starting to dread change. I was afraid of growing up and losing who I am. I often wondered whether I was doing something for the last time. I don't think I knew for sure whether I was going to OU or somewhere else. I was scared to death of losing my friends and leaving my family and my church and my dance studio, if I were called to go somewhere else. That semester was the beginning of a long roller coaster ride for me, that lasted throughout last semester and maybe is possibly still going on, of crazy times of insane happiness and deep depression. God was teaching me the meaning of joy, I think.

Last month: January... I was really happy!! I actually don't think I ever got depressed that month which is a record for the past year, hehe. It had been almost a month since Stephen and I got together and I was thanking and praising God for it every day (still am). I was excited to see God's plan and He was bringing me so much closer to Him. I was just starting my second semester of college, and finding that it was a lot easier than the first!! Oh, and I decided to become a support staff for the jr. high youth group, which was really an awesome fulfilling of a dream for me. I also started going to an AWESOME college group Bible study!!

Yesterday: Yesterday I slept in, and then went to school early and did homework. I didn't have choir so I had an extra hour to relax and do more homework at the union until I walked over to my French class. It was FREEZING COLD!!!! I remembered right when I needed to leave that I had too complimentary tickets for my choir performance to pick up (that was supposed to be tonight, but it was cancelled because of the crazy icy weather). So I ran all the way over to Catlett to pick them up and then walked really fast all the way across campus to my car and got frostbite and a headache from the wind that must have been 10 degrees below zero, lol. I got home a few minutes late for my dulcimer student's lesson, but she got there really late so it was alright after all. Had a good lesson and then practiced my choir songs for awhile. Went to the dress rehearsal for the choir concert, and it went really well. When it was over, I looked outside and was REALLY glad that I hadn't driven there and Dad had dropped me off! The icyness had begun. (So no concert tonight, but that's alright because I got to watch Riverdance with my family and play a board game. Yay!)

Next week: School. Dance. Church. Life. On Thursday my family's going to New Mexico for a few days, and Sara and/or Lora had better be staying with me, lol. On Friday I might sing the national anthem with my choir at an OU hockey game. On Saturday I have the choir spring retreat that lasts all morning and afternoon, and then... POLKA DANCING in the evening with the youth group!! YAY!!! But all in all, next week should be another week with ups and downs but lots of glimpses of God's amazing grace and beauty.

A Hymn

Rusted emotions, prideful gaze
The Sun beams thin through crushing haze
Come my Love and haunt me
Pursue this wanderer, capture me
Come Lord Jesus, Light of the world.

Chorus:
Oh Lord, Thy beauty overwhelms me
Thy death, the price for this embrace
Thy blood fails not; the one who fails Thee
May glory in Thee by Thy infinite grace.
I will glory in Thee by Thy infinite grace.

Break this heart, half apathetic
Half craving what Thou hast given me
Lift off the falling weight of fear
Oh Lord, by Thy resounding grace
Let me move.

Chorus

My burning desires gaze unsteadily
On my Savior’s agony
The Holy One in sin is dying
Makes pure my infidelity
For victory He is crucified.

Chorus

Raise o’er the dark Thy banner of love
Scatter the foe and strengthen the meek
Fell the scales from our eyes
Resurrection sets our hope to soar
Death’s sting is crucified.

Chorus

Striving will storm inside me still
Longs to dance with the undiluted stars
Make perfect my heart of imperfection;
My wisdom Thy power, my beauty Thy splendor
Thy grace is my breath.

Chorus